5 Tips for Handling Parenting Stress

The fact that I have a Proverbs 31 devotion running today called Surviving Mommy Stress is actually somewhat comical.

I think when the devil got word that I was releasing a book about managing stress through Jesus, he decided to make life more stressful than ever – including in the area of parenting.  With the emotional tugs and life adjustments that come with sending my daughter off to college for the first time, in addition to  helping my 16 year old daughter handle the pressures and woes of high school, and watching my 13 year old son turn into a young man practically overnight, it seems that stress seems to be a daily occurrence. Not stress from serious adversities, just stress and a myriad of emotions that come from living a normal daily life and raising kids in this crazy world.

So as I read over today’s devotion, it was as if God was reminding me, through my own words, that He is the answer to the parenting anxieties I have been facing lately.

Although we read in John 16:33 that life will bring trials and troubles, we all too often forget that this verse applies to the job of child rearing too, because when we look into the eyes of our new-born babies, so tiny and precious, it’s hard to imagine that our little bundles of joy could ever bring heartache or hardship. So we tend to view John 16:33 as referring to serious problems and life changing tragedies, but it also is meant for encouragement in the small bumps in the road that occur every day, including the frustrations and stress of parenting, all of which can gradually can have an impact on our faith walk.

I recently read that 70 percent of mothers in the United States say mothering is “incredibly stressful.” And 96 percent of mothers state they are more stressed than their mothers were, blaming everything from finances, the workplace and changing parenting styles, to a lack of time, support, and a shift in cultural pressures.

But regardless of the cause – mommy stress can lead to problems, causing us to be insensitive, impatient and less loving than we want to be.  Studies also showed that a mom’s ability to manage stress is a factor in her children’s happiness, and their relationship with her.  So in the same way that stress has a negative impact on our lives overall, mommy stress can impact our children’s lives as well.

Below are five tips for handling mommy stress when it starts rearing its ugly head, because this is a challenge we need to take to heart:

1. Know your red flags.

Heart palpitating? Irritable? Yelling? Impatient? Acting unreasonable, even about little things?  Our reactions to our stressed emotions could  cause us to behave in ways that will make us cringe, causing damage to our children’s hearts, but also to our own self-confidence and the way we view ourselves as mothers. Stay in tune with the red flags of stress, and ask God to convict your heart when your stress is overflowing onto your kids, even if they are causing it.

2. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray some more.

Of course, praying should be our first line of defense against the stress of parenting. Yet let’s be honest – we don’t always do that. In fact, sometimes we have to pray for forgiveness for our actions towards our children because our stress hit the roof, and spewed frustration and anger onto everyone around us. Prayer opens the door for God’s power to walk right into our lives, clean up the mess and equip us to handle the stress of parenting in ways we won’t regret.

3. Take a time out.

Time outs are not just for kids.  If you know that you are ready to explode the next time one of your offspring responds in a disrespectful way, deliberately disobeys a house rule, or  does something that brings on  a flood of disappointment, make the decision ahead of time to walk away and take time to calm down.  A delayed, prayed over response will benefit everyone involved.

4. Go for a walk.

Exercise always helps clear the mind. But if there is no time for that, at least go outside and get a breath of fresh air. Let the sun shine on your face, and ask the Son to shine into your heart.  A little sun and Son is always good for the soul.

5. Talk to other moms.

Every mom faces challenges with her kids, whether the child is one year old or twenty-one years old.  Ask God to bring other moms into your life that you can share your frustrations, disappointments and struggles with, and then be real with them about the season of parenting you are going through.  If you don’t have a friend to share with, consider joining a local support group at your church, or a local chapter of MOPS or Moms in Touch International.

There is no way around it, no quick-fix, and no sure cure for parenting stress. But we can survive it, if we choose to persevere in our spiritual calling of parenthood, not only because of our love for our children, but our love for God.  When we remember that the job title of “Mom” was appointed to us by Him, it helps us muster up the energy to persevere, while keeping our eyes on the day when we will see the fruit of our efforts blossom.

Parenting is a blessing – but also a job that never ends.  And sometimes that job feels burdensome, frustrating,  unrewarding…. and very stressful.  Just maybe God wants to remind you today too, that you are not working alone.

Lord, help me persevere through the hard times of parenting, and focus more on the blessings than the burdens. Help me to fully embrace my job as mom (or dad) even when it feels exhausting, hard or unrewarding. Help me to trust that You have a purpose for all we are going through, and to remember that I can find the strength in You to persevere through even the most difficult challenges with my children.  Amen.

What helps you manage your parenting stress?  Leave a quick parenting stress tip to enter to win a copy of my newly released book, Stressed-Less living: Finding God’s Peace In Your Chaotic World. (check back – winner announced Friday!)

 

 

132 Comments

  1. Pam on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 8:46 am

    God’s timing is always perfect! I have been struggling with raising 2 teenage boys, one in college & the other a senior in high school. This devotion this morning was perfect timing. Thank you!!



    • Pam on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 8:47 am

      Oops, I forgot to add that laughter always seems to break the tension so I use that in addition to praying without ceasing!



  2. Laura on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 9:23 am

    Thank you for sharing this today. It helps to be reminded of different ways to handle parenting stress. I will share this with many others! My tips: pray, pray, pray, exercise, engage children in a fun activity (it’s important for all of us to play & laugh – doing it together is great!), remember the wise words of my 90 y.o. Mimi “this too shall pass”, and sometimes go to bed when the kids do even if the dishes aren’t done & there are other tasks to get done.



  3. Kathy on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 9:29 am

    WOW! what a reminder. Even though my boys are almost 19 and 21, the blessings they bring also carries the “sick to the stomach” kind of worry that I sometimes wonder if it will ever go away. They are great young men, I just want the perfect life for them. I must remember the perfect life for them is God’s perfect will. And He is faithful, just and since they are His, He will get them there. I am thankful that my husband and I have had the privilege of having a part in their lives. My stress reliever is time away. The daily tolls on mommies is hard. Just getting away, out of the house…. and if at possible for a day or two really helps!! My husband and I have taken a long weekend each year to get away. It helps us as individuals and as a couple. I am so thankful for Proverbs31. God knows each day what I need to hear from you! Blessings!!!



  4. Dana on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 9:36 am

    I try to read 3 scriptures in the morning before I start the day to get my mind on God’s Word first. This helps me start the day off right.



  5. Kim on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 9:45 am

    Wow, this speaks right to my heart. I’ve been really struggling a lot lately with balancing working, raising a 1yr old daughter and a 3 year old son. There have been so many changes this fall – my son started preschool (and I struggled with that and he is doing awesome!), we had to switch childcare providers (because I took a new job that was too far from our previous caregiver), and I’m working in a school that is more challenging and low staff morale. I’m so grateful for my amazing and supportive husband. I remind myself daily that I’m right where God wants me to be and not to look to the past or try and figure out the future. He has my best interest at heart. I enjoy reading Proverbs 31 daily and it starts my day off on the right foot. Thank you so much!!!! Many thanks to my wonderful sister-in-law who shared this daily devotion website with me!!!!
    God’s Blessings to everyone!



  6. ART on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Thank you for this! As you said, praying is very important as a parent. I also love to sing and find that singing songs to praise God helps reduce my stress and makes for a more positive environment in the home.



  7. Julie on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 10:02 am

    I’m pregnant with my first, so I haven’t had to deal with these kinds of mommy stresses yet, but I do often respond poorly to my husband, so I know I’ll react in those same ways to our child(ren). Whenever I catch myself behaving poorly, I usually take time off from the situation – sometimes just a few minutes away from him – and I have been working on apologizing as promptly as possible. My mom never apologized to me when I was growing up, and that’s something I don’t want to duplicate with my kids. Overall, though, I tend to have better days when I start off with devotions, which always includes the P31 devotional. Thanks so much for your ministry!



  8. Melody on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 10:05 am

    We have adopted the phrase, tomorrow its a brand new day. A new day to start with fresh new attitudes and actions even for mom ;). Sometime i do have to take deep breaths and repeat or special phase over and over but it gets me through. Thank you for your encouragement.



  9. Colette on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 10:14 am

    Lots and lots of prayer and trusting that God is in control of my adult children’s lives! I thought it was hard when they were little but I find now is when I am seeking God more than ever to keep from worrying about my boys! Also trying to find Joy amidst the trials! 🙂



  10. Shelly Burke, Nebraska Family Times on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 10:19 am

    Great tips!

    A brief time out can make a huge difference in outlook on a stressful day…may I suggest adding chocolate to it? 🙂



  11. Kim on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 10:52 am

    Apart from going to the Lord first to release anxieties, what helps me is “ME” time and girl time! A day or moment to myself to identify with who I am as a person. And a day or outing to connect with some of my special girl friends to have a “womanly” moment. This time to come aside for air and to breathe does wonders. This normally helps me to jump right back in and continue on with motherhood!



  12. Linda F on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 11:05 am

    I use two of your tips-mommy time out & prayer. Sometimes I even pray right out loud on my own or other times I tell my children that our home is not pleasing Jesus at the moment & I will stop everything & pray with them about their attitude & mine.
    If possible I also think mom time is essential to renewing your body, mind & spirit-if you are run down you won’t be able to care for family& home well. Take time to have devotions & prayer time each day. Maybe take a relaxing bath, read a good book, or go out for a coffee time with some girl friends. Most important- have a support system & keep Jesus first.
    Thanks for the devotion b/c lately I have been more wound up than usual-I need to take some of my own advice:)
    ~Blessings~



  13. LC on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 11:09 am

    I never thought parenting could be so difficult until my children became teenagers. I am so glad that I took my children to Sunday School at an early age for them to get a foundation in scripture. As parents, we have to practice what we preach to our children and keep an open line of communication without invading a child’s privacy. I believe it takes a lot of prayer and teaching responsibility early on. I am so glad that my daughter talks to me regularly now that she has started college. thanks for your wonderful insight!



  14. Jenny Wilkes on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 11:27 am

    While I am nowhere near handling my mommy stress well, something that helps my stress level is a hot bath with relaxing bath salts. After the kids go to bed and when I can truly have some uninterrupted time alone, it is nice to be still and read a good fiction book.



  15. Kristin on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 11:27 am

    This topic really hit home with me today. As the mom of 2 high schoolers and an 11yo, and stepmom of 2 middle schoolers, it seems that a day doesn’t pass without some stress. The 5 tips mentioned here are extremely helpful. I have also found that having a list- whether on paper or just mental- of the great things about each my children or things they’ve done helps me to put things in perspective. Although they might not be currently making the best decision about something, they have shown times when they have. Re-focusing on the positive can really change my frame of mind. In addition, after a blow-up, ,I always try to talk with them later, when we can both reflect calmly. This usually always leads to more in-dept conversation on diverse topics.



  16. Leanne on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 11:40 am

    Thank you so much for this devotional and blog entry. Just last night my husband ‘rescued’ me when I couldn’t handle my 4yo’s constant talking for another minute. He sent me out for a walk (in the rain!) while he put our youngest to bed. By the time I walked back in the door I felt able to deal with getting the 8 and 10 yo boys into bed. Sometimes I feel like I’m not coping well lately…not because anything is wrong, but just because the work and the talking are both never-ending. Then I feel guilty for feeling so stressed when everyone is healthy and we have food, shelter and clothes. Thanks for the reminder that God cares even about such small problems. As for my best tip for relieving parenting stress – have a husband willing to rescue you by sending you for a walk in the rain!



  17. michelle h on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 11:43 am

    I have to admit, hearing that it will only get more complicated is a little discouraging! But it gives me the drive to find ways to deal with the stress, rather than just coping and hoping it will get easier soon!



  18. Bonnie Long on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 11:59 am

    Reading inspiration blogs like Proverbs 31 Ministries. I love the different writers. Because some days that is all the quiet moment of time for the day.



  19. Shannon on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    I drop to my knees and pray. I read my devotionals and dive into the bible. I have stressed over the last two months and these seem to be what has worked for me. I am at peace more today. I don’t dread the stressful situations anymore because I know God is with me and my children. Thank you for your inspirational devotion!



  20. Kelly B on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    I get VERY stressed and one thing that has really helped me is to look back. When I look back at what God has brought me through, I have a better perspective on what I am currently engaged in. I remind myself that I will one day be able to look back on this too.



  21. Rebecca C on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    When I’ve been stressed about my 6 year olds defiant behavior the one thing that consistently has diffused the frustration on both sides has been to smile and give him a hug before I even say a word. Don’t get me wrong that’s the last thing I want to do on most occasions but its amazing how I can better ‘Godly’ parent after I go through that process. My son is surprised cause he knows I’m angry and I’m surprised at how less angry I am afterwards. God has shown me grace and forgiveness on a daily basis I need to remember to not only extend that to my sons but also to teach them to do it!



  22. Carolyn Rogers on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    Thank you for an encouraging devotional and knowing we’re not alone. Sometimes it feels that way. It’s so helpful to transform my thinking through the words of the Prov 31 writers. Thank you! You don’t need to enter me in the drawing. I’m already lucky to own your book! Woohoo.



  23. Susan on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    Think positively! Think about my daughter’s good qualities and good times we’ve had vs focusing on her tantrums 🙂



  24. Maureen on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    I feel so horrible when I break down and yell at my son because of my own stress. I’m getting better at remembering to take a deep breath and ask Jesus for help!



  25. Brenda on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    When I get stressed my children tend to get more wouind up and rude so… it benefits us all for me to turn some cheerful music on and dance. I also agree with Rebecca about the hug. When I have hugged my son in the midst of a tense situation instead of hollering at him, I can feel the tension leave his little body. I would love to have this book to read; I could sure use some encouragement.



  26. Rosalba on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    Thank you for today’s post. Reading it after having a rough time with my girls is helping me to calm down.
    I don’t have a tip to release or to no stress out, I do some times take the walk or take a 5min rest. (time out)

    I realize that I need to put into practice the 10 day detox as a daily dosis.
    Thank you.



  27. Sharon Smith on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    When I get overwhelmed, I try to leave the situation for a few minutes, breathe, and pray. I also have a few power verses written on cue cards to pull out when I need them. I just need to try and use them more.



  28. Christine Laauwe on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 9:40 pm

    In the midst of the stressful parenting life, I find what helps most is when my focus shifts from the hectic day-to-day tasks to the precious blessings that God has given me – the laughter of my three year old, a simple hug from my five year old, or when either daughter tells me “I love you Mommy” – It’s as if God gives me a little wake-up call. Yes your children frustrate you, but look at how precious they are, and then I am reminded of how much God loves them, and how much He loves me no matter how many times I mess up. Remembering this also helps in disciplining them as well, to learn forgiveness with your child.



  29. Rachel on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 10:45 pm

    My stress relief is baking. How can I stay stressed with yummy smells and big smiles from my girls. They love to bake as much as I do. We all end up smiling. The girls know we bake with love, which is the secret ingredient.



  30. Lucretia smith on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at 11:29 pm

    I find it helps to share with my best friend. As she has 3 children who are older than my 2, she can almost always relate. We end up laughing about the situation. Then I am able to parent a little less stressed. I find parenting in it’s self to be extremely stressful and have found a new admiration for my folks who did the best they could. I would love to win your new book and learn how to be less stressed! Thanks. 🙂



    • Chebet Evans on Thursday, October 18, 2012 at 12:23 am

      We have two boys 7 and 5. When I’m stressed I exercise or go for a walk. In addition, I try to pray abc read encouraging scriptures. Thanks so much for your ministry.
      Blessing,
      Chebet



  31. Robin on Thursday, October 18, 2012 at 4:09 am

    I try talking to God. Like I am telling a friend what is going on. If need something more, I give myself a timeout. And pray!



  32. Becky Crenshaw on Thursday, October 18, 2012 at 5:54 am

    Mmm. Tracie, thank you. I need encouragement in this area. I love the practical ways you give to keep mommy stress at bay.



  33. BethA on Thursday, October 18, 2012 at 8:41 am

    My stress-relief is sitting outside. In the quiet. No sounds but the breeze rustling through the leaves. Being out in God’s creation and praying silently to Him puts things in perspective.



  34. Cammi H on Thursday, October 18, 2012 at 9:40 am

    Sometimes I just have to step away and take deep breaths, pray and then respond .. I hate when I get upset and yell or over react –and I have done that. 🙂 Good to know that I’m not alone ..



  35. Elaine on Thursday, October 18, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    Thank you for these great tips. I am going to print this out and keep it close by so I can remember them. It seems as if I am always stressed these days. Helping to raise my husband’s 14 year old grandson we thought we were all through with the teenage years and then God blessed us to raise this child/man and he is really testing my perserverance. My reactions to some of the things he does can be way out of proportion to what the overreaching ramifications really are. Many of the things I try to relieve and get past the stress just don’t seem to be working these days. I must remember to take one day at a time and pray that the Lord will let me see the big picture in the overall scheme of things. God Bless.



    • BethA on Friday, October 19, 2012 at 8:56 am

      Praying for you, Elaine.



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Tracie Miles is a bestselling author and the Director of COMPEL Training with Proverbs 31 Ministries.  She helps women grow stronger in their faith, pursue the life of purpose God designed them for and live a life of peace, joy and happiness despite their circumstances.

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