A Real Valentine Doesn’t Have Shades of Grey

There are no shades of greyin true love (2)

Yes, we’ve all heard about the shady movie coming out today. Yippee, just in time for Valentines Day – the day that is supposed to be dedicated to true love, respect, kindness and admiration.

I’ve not read the book, nor will I ever, and wouldn’t go see the movie even if you paid me. I even told my college age daughters just this week that I am fervently praying they wouldn’t even fathom considering going to see this movie, or ever reading one page of the book.

Why? Because I’m a prude? Because I’m a Christian? Because I’m a woman? Because I’m a Jesus freak? Because I don’t believe in sexual relations between a man and a woman? Because I’m old fashioned? Because I’m an over protective mother who needs to realize this is 2015, the decade of ‘anything goes’ ?

Nope.

Because pornography is poison to the heart, soul and mind. And 50 Shades of Grey is pornography – aka, poison – in it’s most dangerous form.

It looks pleasing to the eye, and seems to be the popular normal thing to do, but it forms deep shades of grey in our spirits, causing one to doubt right from wrong under the weight of heated emotions. Making one believe that what’s done in secret is okay, while they slowly die inside, and live blinded to how their secret poison is changing them from the inside out and affecting real life relationships. All the while, slowly desensitizing a sense of ethics until they are felt no more.

The definition of poison is something with “an inherent property that tends to destroy life or impair health; something harmful or pernicious, as to happiness or well being.” Pornography steals hearts, kills relationships and destroys lives. Hmmm, the exact same consequences as ingesting poison.

From what I’ve read and heard about 50 Shades of Grey in Christian and secular articles,  pornography is the lesser of its’ two evils. It’s also a story where the abuse, torture, manipulation, whipping, chaining, stalking, victimizing and controlling of innocent and vulnerable women is condoned and glamorized.

The devil is in the business of making poison look tasty. Dangling temptation in front of our eyes, making sin appear attractive, while convincing us that what’s wrong is really right. All he has to do is sit back and watch the tempted self destruct.

Our entire nation seems to be walking the road of seemingly tasty self destruction in so many ways, but especially in relationships. We see the destruction of the sanctity of marriage happening right before our eyes in almost every state, and the 50 Shades of Grey books have been translated in over 50 languages and sold over 70 million copies worldwide. As of this week, over 50 million people have watched the movie trailer. It’s heartbreaking, but it’s not shocking.

What once was taboo, is now coffee talk. What once was considered wrong, is now right, if enough people say it is. What once was held sacred, is now blasphemed in every way. What once was considered illegal, violent sexual crimes against women, is apparently now condoned. What once was held as beautiful sacred intimacy between a man and a woman in the way God intended it, has been drug through the mud for so long that now it’s hit an all time low.

I don’t care what our society says, this movie is porn and damaging to marriages and relationships. It’s against the most basic biblical principles, and it’s unhealthy and vile entertainment, no matter what our religious beliefs are. Healthy relationships are ones where the man is the protector of the woman; her provider; her beloved; one she can trust and confide in; one she can see herself spending life with, and being happy.  Not one that is abusive in every way possible, physically, emotionally and psychologically. And despite what the movie might portray, surrendering to abuse will not change a man’s heart or have a happy ending.

It’s twisted planning that this movie is releasing during Valentines week, because Valentines is supposed to be a a holiday about heartfelt love. Yet this movie appears to be abusive poisonous pornography at it’s finest – nothing that has anything to do with real love and true intimacy.

I want my Valentine’s day and my marriage to be based on actual love and respect, not steamy poison that seeps into our bedroom and infects our hearts. I want my kids to grow up in a world where God is still seen as Sovereign and Holy. Where my daughters will know they deserve to have loving, gentle Christian husbands who protect and provide, as they desire to be loving, devoted wives who love the Lord as well. Where my son knows a woman is to be treated with gentleness, kindness, love and respect and that he needs to be a Godly husband and spiritual leader of his household. Where my future grandchildren will live in a world that operates under a moral compass of what’s right in God’s eyes, and not what’s right in the ever changing lack of morals of society and government leadership.

Movies like this tear apart the very core of what God intended for man, woman, marriage, family and individuals. And I for one, will not support it or see it. I refuse to be part of a statistic simply because it’s popular, because nothing about this movie portrays love, morals, integrity or falls in line with what I believe is right as a Christian.

A Valentine is supposed to be a message, gift or token of love that expresses sweet affection for someone that is treasured.

What would happen if all believers chose to stay home this Valentines weekend, away from the theaters, and instead focused our energy on the ones we love most, and the One who died because of His overwhelming sacrificial love for every living soul?

God’s Word is black and white, and there are no shades of grey. Now that is a Valentine’s gift I can get excited about.

LEAVE A COMMENT

** If you enjoyed this post, consider signing up for my FREE online bible study of Your Life Still counts, which begins March 16th, where we’ll talk about real life issues and living our faith out loud through our lives every day. Click to sign up! **

47 Comments

  1. Kathleen on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 8:34 am

    Thank you for such a well written article. I plan to share it with my Bible study ladies and a few others. I hope that is ok. I appreciate all your posts. Thank you. May the Lord continue to give you wisdom and clarity.

    God’s riches blessings
    Kathleen



    • Tracie on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 12:56 pm

      Thanks for sharing it Kathleen!



  2. Kari on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 8:39 am

    I for one refused to read the book and will NOT go see the movie. I have been trying to get others to also, yes, Christian women, but some are pretty adamant about going to see it. That really saddens me because I feel the same way most women do about pornography. I feel that wrong is becoming right and right is becoming wrong, just like the Bible says it will in the last days. Im trying to pull those around me up to higher levels of living in holiness but some just want to stay where they are or slide back away. Praying for these with all my heart to stay strong in the Lord and in the power of His Might!



    • Tracie on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 12:58 pm

      I’ve read so much about Christian women flocking to this movie, deceivingly thinking it will help their marriage or is just for fun. So important to pray for women’s eyes to be opened to the real reason why they feel drawn this to type of movie – and it’s not God. Thank for your thoughts Kari!



  3. Michele Hodder on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 8:44 am

    Amen!!!!!!!!!



  4. Stephanie on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 8:55 am

    I just have to say thank you and amen to your words! I fully agree and also refuse to even watch the trailer. I was so upset when I learned that this movie would be released over Valentine’s Day weekend. What a mockery of everything God intended love and sex between a covenanted man and woman to be. Thanks again for being so bold!



    • Tracie on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 12:58 pm

      Perfectly put Stephanie – it’s a mockery of what God intended for love. 🙂



  5. Leslie on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 8:56 am

    Thank you!!! We need more leaders like you!!!



  6. Kelly+Willie on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 9:12 am

    Wonderfully written! I agree with you 100%!



  7. Suzanne on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 9:18 am

    I could not agree more.
    The other day I happened upon an article where the woman said she wouldn’t be coming out to say anything about this movie. She discussed the judgmental aspects etc. against non-believers. I am reminded of the statement by Edmund Burke, “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”
    That is one of the keys to the demoralizing of this world. But for the sake of our children, we must have a louder voice crying out in prayer, that CHRISTIANS will not fall prey to the idea that we should sit quietly and let the world deteriorate for fear of appearing to be judgmental. Wrong is wrong…there is no grey. Let’s stop fearing being a voice for what is true, noble, pure, and right.



    • Tracie on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 1:00 pm

      So true Suzanne, however, unfortunately we can’t judge non believers alone, because some believers are also in support of the movie. We definitely need to let our voices be heard, because silence leads to losing that voice eventually.



  8. Amber on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 9:42 am

    AMEN Tracie!! I will just come right out and admit it, I fell for the poison of pornography. All it got me was doubt, lies, and a fear that I could never be made whole again. That no man would ever want to be married to me, much less a Christian man! There is so much more poison that does come with it,! There is nothing involving love whatsoever in it & the same goes for this book/movie. Thank you for your post I will definitely be sharing it with others. You will not be seeing me at the theaters. I will be celebrating Valentines Day at the beach with my wonderful, loving husband.



    • Tracie on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 1:02 pm

      Amber – thank you so much for your courage to share so transparently. It’s a vivid reminder that pornography is a struggle for men and women alike. The devil doesn’t care about gender, just destruction of the individual and marriages. Praising the Lord for your victory over this struggle and praying He will keep you in strong and courageous in His name in the future.



  9. Colette on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 9:55 am

    Well said! Just had this conversation at work and I am definitely in the minority!
    (I work in a hair salon!) I pray for all the girls seeking their True Love and their soul mate. I pray they don’t get confused between lust and Love! Thanks Tracie! I will continue to stand strong against this book and movie! I am thankful to God for my amazing husband of almost 25 years!



  10. Gerolene on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 10:08 am

    Greetings from South Africa,
    Thank you for saying it “just as it is”. I don’t even like using the word “Valentine” as to me it is all about lust and sex. May you continuing inspiring me with your Spirit filled posts.



    • Tracie on Friday, February 13, 2015 at 6:14 pm

      It is unfortunate how that the word Valentine has such a bad connotation in so many ways. We just have to choose to focus on real love from others and from God! Thanks Gerolene!



  11. Dot on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 10:20 am

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for standing strong . . . thankful that it looks like the women that left comments believe and feel just as strongly. I too, will be praying about people going to see this movie, and/or reading the book. Thank you, again.



  12. Alicia F on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 10:40 am

    Excellent words. This movie was discussed in my group at church last Sunday so I have forwarded the email to others in my class.



  13. Alicia F on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 10:40 am

    And thank you!



  14. Dede on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 10:42 am

    Thank you for writing this and taking a stand. Very well done.



  15. Tisha on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 10:57 am

    The women of Oak Hills Church in San Antonio, Texas just walked through a lesson on Walkong in the Light with Kelly Minter last night and we discussed this very movie and the way the devil distorts God’s truth. Your words are timely, eloquent and inspiring and we stand with you as women who want to walk in the Light. Our hearts grieve for our children and bless you for crying out to God on our behalf for their, for our, protection from darkness. May the Light of the world get your message to all who need to hear it. Thank you and we stand with you.



    • Tracie on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 1:04 pm

      Well said Tisha! My mama’s heart does grieve that my children have to grow up in a world which is moving farther from farther from what’s right and moral – but I just have to remember God is still on the throne, and pray that my voice, and His voice, rings louder in their hearts than the worlds. Thanks for reminding us all to be the light in a dark world!



  16. Nancy on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 11:01 am

    Your words are so true. Thank you for writing this article.



  17. Debbie W on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 11:58 am

    A co-worker offered the first book to me. She said I would enjoy it. She did not elaborate on the content. One evening I picked the book up and did not read the jacket, which is always my norm. As I began reading, I was overcome with this feeling of disgust and shame. I immediately put the book down and returned to my co-worker. She asked if I enjoyed and I told her absolutely not. I stated this is not the type of books I read and it made me feel dirty. I felt like I was disgracing our Lord and Savior by reading such trash. I then prayed to our Lord for my forgiveness in even starting the book. I then prayed for all the other women who have read this book, as well as the ones that followed. I prayed they would listen to God speak to them to put these books down and pray for their soul to be cleansed. Thank You for leadership and being blessed by our Lord and Savior with the knowledge and words to help all of us on our Christian journey.



    • Tracie on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 1:05 pm

      The Holy Spirit can convict our hearts quickly! Thank goodness as believers we have Him to be our guide in life. Thank you for praying for women who need to feel that holy conviction and stand up for what’s right today.



  18. Mary on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 2:13 pm

    Thank you for taking a stand and sharing this post! I have NOT read the book nor do I plan to see the movie. I have seen the damage done by this kind of behavior and I pray daily for women everywhere who face it. Human Trafficking is one of my prayer points and I share about it whenever I can. This kind of material just leads to more disrespect of God and of each other. Who would want to see such garbage.



  19. Mary Tullila on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 2:35 pm

    Tracy I can’t add anymore to what you shared…you spoke for all of us. Thank you for your precious bold rightful witness. Stay the course in faithfulness!



  20. Kim on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 2:46 pm

    Amen!



  21. Melissa on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 2:46 pm

    Amen! I agree with you, Tracie.



  22. Trish on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 4:13 pm

    AMEN!



  23. felice on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 4:26 pm

    Wow! What a strong letter… What wonderful convictions you have..
    Funny thing is, I actually took the book out from the library today..
    I am a single woman who has not been in a ‘relationship’ for about 11 years. Than about 10 years ago, I met Jesus and became, or one might say, grew into being a Christian since I was raised Jewish.
    Before that, I was married twice and in a long term relationship for several years. NONE of which were healthy or Godly.
    It’s like, i would like the supposed ‘excitement’ of reading this book and seeing the movie; esp. since I’ve been on my own for so long and in my 60’s.
    I often believe that I’ll never meet the right Christian Man. Yet I know if it’s to be, God will make it happen..
    I’m not one who is able to win over temptations… this being a big problem for much of my life.
    So, what would you advise? I’ve looked up and read about this issue in the Bible but, maybe not enough… Could it be that the lessons are in my head but, not totally in my heart?
    thx for reading Tracie 🙂



    • Tracie on Saturday, February 14, 2015 at 2:52 pm

      Felice – thank you for your honesty. You are certainly not the only one who struggles with temptation and overcoming the draw to something that brings pleasure, but is not what God would want for our lives. I would just advise you to not be too hard on yourself, we are all sinners saved by grace. And to continue asking God for strength to overcome the things you struggle with and to replace those longings with good things, to bring people into your life to support you and be a good encourager and role model, and to draw your heart towards things that would be pleasing to Him while bringing joy and abundant life to you. Ask the Holy Spirit to be your conscious and to convict your heart when you feel pulled towards something you know might be right. When we ask, we receive. 🙂 God wants the best for you, and He knows the longing of your heart to be in a relationship, so keep the faith! We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us!



  24. s.. on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 4:33 pm

    First, if you havent read the book, I do not feel you are qualified to make any judgements a to what the book is (ie porn) .
    Now, having read the books, the books are not porn. What they are however, is showing people how an abusive relationship is. This is not a romance. It is abuse. It tells of a woman who is inexperienced in the ways of love and falls for the first guy she sees. This guy is controlling, does not let her see her friends, tells her how to dress, speak, etc.when it comes to sex, when she says no, he does it anyway, which is rape.
    This continues throughout the series. Its showing women that abuse is okay because you can eventually change a man ( not true by the way).
    As for the sex in the novels, its not consensual and it is not between married adults.
    Also, don’t get me started on the writing style which is juvenile at best

    For these reasons I am not going to the movie. I will be making a donation instead to a local women’s shelter in hopes that women who lived through abuse can get the help they need to overcome it.



    • felice on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 7:21 pm

      hi S…
      thank you so much for letting me know your take on the book…
      I really had no idea it was about abuse… I was figuring it was ‘consensual’



    • Tracie on Friday, February 13, 2015 at 6:22 pm

      s – thank you so much for your perspective. Having not read the book, you are right in expressing that I am basing my perceptions on the dozens of articles I’ve read from believers and non believers, in the news, etc. However, I do think that when a movie is advertised as “erotica”, causing people to sin in lustful ways in thought or privacy, that it falls into the same category as pornography, even if a lesser version of it. But we definitely agree on the fact that it’s abusive, hurtful and outside the confines of how God intended sex and love to be. 🙂 How awesome that you are using this opportunity to help women who have been abused and need to know God loves them!



  25. Janet F on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 5:35 pm

    All I can say is AMEN & AMEN!! WELL SAID!!!!



  26. Anne M. on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 8:34 pm

    So well written, thank you. The other undermining message that this movie sends is to women who feel they need to be sexually adventurous to be that “ideal” mate. Young women in particular are a vulnerable group as they attempt to fit in.



  27. Cathy on Thursday, February 12, 2015 at 9:32 pm

    I want to thank you so much for saying what really needs to be said. The Truth! And it sounds like this movie is just another attack on living a healthy moral life. I am condemned by family members because of my having an attitude like this. I have been ostracized and treated like a leper because I believe in God. I am not rude, judging or self righteous. But I am who I am in all places. I don’t change because of the group of people I am with. It is really hard.
    It was refreshing to see you state the truth in love about movies like this. They are dangerous and death to our Christian souls.



    • Tracie on Friday, February 13, 2015 at 6:24 pm

      Cathy – Ive prayed for you and for your strength in standing up for Christ and your beliefs even in the face of judgment or pushback. God calls us to be the light, and plant seeds in His name, and He takes care of the rest. Continue staying true to yourself and God and you will be blessed!



  28. Barb on Friday, February 13, 2015 at 9:41 am

    My valentine and I are going to see Old Fashioned instead. Check it out!



  29. Mary B. on Friday, February 13, 2015 at 3:41 pm

    Thank you so much for your message and voice for so many victims who now doubt that they were abused. I proudly will share your thoughts as they are agreeing with my own and so well expressed. THANK YOU! God bless you and keep on speaking and writing.



  30. J Fay on Saturday, February 14, 2015 at 8:35 am

    Hi Tracie,

    Thank you for your words of encouragement that you share consistently. I look forward to your blog so much!

    Today’s message was so welcome! I appreciate your honesty, integrity, and willingness to stand up for what is right. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one shocked by what is being produced (TV series, movies, social media). I’m glad to hear another voice and especially, one that speaks eloquently.

    Blessings on your day!



  31. Christina on Sunday, February 15, 2015 at 8:35 am

    Tracie,
    Thank you for speaking the truth in boldness & courage. It was refreshing to read this & to know that I am not alone in thinking these books & movie are not right. The world tries to tell its “not THAT bad”. God’s word says it is not THAT good.
    Thanks again for the encouragement!!
    Many blessings!!



  32. Renee on Monday, February 16, 2015 at 9:47 am

    It is so refreshing to see someone stand up for the Lord!! You don’t know how much you have helped me throughout a rough patch within my marriage and life—I agree with you 100% and thank you so much for your commitment to standing strong in the truth! I pray for the best for you and all of the other ladies here!!



  33. Susan Sheller on Wednesday, February 18, 2015 at 12:48 am

    Thank you for a well written article. Now if we could get the supposed ‘Sports Illustrated’ swimsuit edition banned from my family grocery store shelves I would be really pleased. Porn by any other name is still porn. Does anyone really have to wonder how God feels about it?



  34. Alyssa on Wednesday, February 18, 2015 at 12:27 pm

    Thank you for being brave and speaking the TRUTH! God’s truth and the Biblical truths of the Bible are no longer popular viewpoints. Nevertheless, it doesn’t change the fact that it is TRUE!



  35. shelly on Friday, February 20, 2015 at 8:01 am

    Tracie,
    I don’t write anything close to a hate email. Ever. I don’t believe God wishes for any person to bring another down.
    I’m writing because I’m not sure if you track trends, or moods of your followers, in order to keep your blog relevant.
    I have been reading your blog for years. I now no longer will. To me, your position on marriage is exclusionary and restrictive. I do not believe God made the sanctity of marriage for only some people who love each other deeply and not others.
    I know the Bible can be quoted as “between a man and woman” but as you well know, there have been different inclusions and exclusions and interpretations of the Bible throughout millennium. I believe these words are that. Not God’s intention, as his love is bestowed upon all.
    I wish you well, navigating the tide of change surrounding growing equality in all aspects of life, for everyone.



Headshot Flipped 2

Tracie Miles is a bestselling author and the Director of COMPEL Training with Proverbs 31 Ministries.  She helps women grow stronger in their faith, pursue the life of purpose God designed them for and live a life of peace, joy and happiness despite their circumstances.

Living-Unbroken-3DwithShadow

Available Now!

Subscribe to Tracie’s Blog

Receive the Living Unbroken Battle Plan Workbook for free if you subscribe to Tracie’s blog today!
Something went wrong. Please check your entries and try again.

Tracie's Books