Fighting Off Mommy Guilt & Summer Giveaway day!

 

guiltAs I read through the nearly 450 comments on last week’s post from women answering the question “what stresses you out most during the summer”, I noticed that several concerns seemed to be common stressors for women. One of the most prominent patterns was “mommy guilt”.

So many women expressed the guilt felt from leaving kids in summer camps and child care all day long while at work that I could almost see the mommy guilty emotions oozing between the lines.

Whether our kids are babies, toddlers, school age or teens, our mama’s heart always stays with them while we are at work. Then when summer hits and we feel like we should be home with our kids all day, those feelings of guilt, anxiety and unattainable desires can make the weight of summer seem hotter than three digit temperatures.

I know that to be true, because I once carried a heavy load of mommy guilt.

Although I resigned from my full time job eight years ago to move into ministry and be a stay at home mom, I still vividly recall the pangs of guilt that I felt all the years of summer months when I worked.  For several summers before resigning, my husband and I hired a teenager to stay with them all summer in our home, and each morning as I left for work, I felt a twinge of heartache and resentment.

Why can’t I be a stay at home mom? How is it fair that this teenage girl gets to spend all day with my precious little ones, while I only get a couple hours with them at night?  Why do they get excited when she arrives each morning, and seem to be fine that I’m leaving? Why do I feel resentful when she can take the kids to the pool, and I cant?  And if one of them ever calls her mommy by accident, heads will roll.

I felt like I was missing out on special activities; voiding out memorable experiences that my children and I could have; wasting my life away working when I should be spending lazy days with them; feeling guilty that they were stuck home all day because we couldn’t afford to send them all to expensive summer camps for two months.  I resented that someone else was getting to enjoy my most valued treasures while I was at work.  Yet, at times, when I was looking forward to projects or travel at work, I felt guilty about that too. What kind of mom looks forward to leaving her kids at home all day?

It was a time of conflicting emotions, and this toxic mixture of guilt, resentment, anxiety and stress began to feel overwhelming and suffocating. The stress of my emotions, in addition to all the normal stressors of summer, made me feel like I was drowning in guilt.

I decided to sit down and have a long talk with God. I needed holy direction for how to deal with the summer when my heart was so torn between work obligations, desires to be home, and guilt about everything. I prayed for God to help me align my priorities, to give me guidance about where I should be (work or home), for peace and comfort, and for relief from guilt.

In scripture, guilt is never referred to as a feeling. Instead, it is a condition which we inherited. Romans 5:18 says “Yes, Adam’s one sin brings condemnation for everyone, but Christ’s one act of righteousness brings a right relationship with God and new life for everyone.”  (NLT)

The first part of the verse tells us we are guilty, condemned. The second sentence tells us that Christ cleared us of that guilt. So although we may feel guilty for not being able to win the mother-of-the-year award every single day, we are guilt free in God’s eyes.  Christ died for us, so we wouldn’t have to feel guilty about our sin or our real or perceived shortcomings – as a woman, or a mom.

Guilt is heavy, and God doesn’t want us to carry that weight.

Maybe today you are drowning under a wave of summer stress and a riptide of mommy guilt. If so, below are a few thoughts to keep in mind over the next few weeks, and some tips for putting aside guilt to enjoy the season God has you in.

1. Remember you can’t have it all every day.  

Our culture tries to convince us that we should be able to have it all, do it all, and be all to everyone. But that is not reality. Life is a constant juggling act of responsibilities and desires, and sometimes we need to stop thinking all the negative thoughts (like what we’re missing out on, that the kids are unhappy at daycare, and what a bad mom we are)  and start thinking positive thoughts instead (how lucky you are to have a job, how you are helping provide for your family’s needs, that you are demonstrating a healthy work/life balance for your children, what a good role model you are with regards to work ethic, responsibility and dependability). Rather than focus on the time you don’t have during the day, commit to maximizing the time you do have with your children.

2. Refrain from comparing yourself to other mothers.  

If you are working mom, don’t feel guilty and assume that stay at home moms are better mothers. If you are a stay at home mom, don’t feel guilty for wishing that you could be at a job and get away from the kids for a while.  Avoid the comparison trap which will probably cause to feel like you are falling short in some way as a mom. Ask God to replace thoughts of guilt or inadequacy with thoughts of all of your good traits. Focus on how much you love your kids, and how much they love you, and accept that all moms and kids are different, and different is okay.

3. Remember that children are not traumatized for life because they spend time in summer daycare or camps.  

My children barely remember the summers they spent at home with a sitter, or their days at daycare – what they do remember are the fun times we had when I wasn’t at work and the vacations we spent together.  Make a commitment to yourself to make the best of the time you can spend with the kids this summer, and plan fun activities around your work schedule.

4. Order up some “me” time without a side of guilt.  

Just because a mom has to work, doesn’t mean that every non-working moment has to be spent taking care of the children.  Children need to learn that they can’t always be the center of attention, and moms need some pampering and alone time every now and then. When a moms heart and soul are nourished, she is better equipped to enjoy the time she has with the kids and give them patience, kindness and love.

5. If you having serious working mom guilt, consider if there are specific concerns making you feel that way.

Are unhappy with your caregiver or daycare facility and worried about your child’s well being? Do you feel God is calling you to leave your job or make a change in your life? Do you need the kids to pitch in more around the house, or long for more support from your husband? Has it become impossible to have any form of work/life balance and your family is suffering?

If you determine that it’s more than mommy guilt that is tugging at your heart, address the issues and ask for God’s guidance and direction in your decisions. Not all things can be fixed over night, but with attention and prayer, you can work through issues and look begin making plans for change as needed. Ask God if your guilt is a sign of a needed call to action, or if you are just being too hard on yourself.

 6. Remember that all moms, whether employed or unemployed, deal with challenges.

It’s common to idealize the life we think we want, while ignoring the challenges that accompany it.  There are pros and cons to being a working mom, and pros and cons to being a stay at home mom- in every season of the year, not just summer. But in either case, what we imagine might not be all we think it is because the grass is not always greener on the other side. Stay at home moms can deal with as much as stress as working moms, possibly more depending on the age of the children, medical or behavioral issues, and the number of children. Working moms may endure chronic work stress which stay at home moms may not fully understand.

Rather than waste time feeling guilty because you may not be where you want to be, make a commitment to trust God at this time in your life and to appreciate the blessings, and the adversities, as they come. If you feel God is calling you to make a change, then pray for Him to open doors and give clear direction for the future

7. It’s okay if the house is messy during the summer. That is a sign of a vibrant and thriving home. 

I know that one day, my house won’t be any messier in the summer than it is during the rest of the year. After my kids are all off at college and living their own lives. So for now, although I am a neat freak of sorts, I can live with the extra messiness of summer. If the mess brings stress, set up a routine for daily chores and come up with a rewards and consequences system.  Or set aside thirty minutes at the end of each day to straighten up after the kids to bed. But most of all, don’t beat yourself up if the house is a mess because one day all too soon, you might find yourself missing the mess.

Motherhood is hard year round and no matter our situation, summer can only exacerbate the challenges we face every day. So when we allow feelings of mommy guilt to build up in our hearts, summer stress is unavoidable.

Where ever you find yourself today, give yourself permission to let go of the guilt. Trust that God has you right where you need to be, and remember that although you can’t be with them every minute of every day, our God can.

MMGI am so excited about today’s giveaway!  Nancy Kennedy, author of Miracles and Moments of Grace: Inspiring Stories from Moms, has agreed to give away 5 free copies of her book today!

Nancy’s book is a collection of fifty stories told by women who have taken on the toughest, yet most rewarding, assignment of their lives — motherhood!  

If you can relate to #6 above, you’ll want to read Chapter 19, “The $20,000 Breakfast”, and if #7 above sounded familiar  you might especially like Chapter 37 called “The Dirty Days of Summer”! These stories will touch your mom’s heart for sure and are are written by  many popular authors and bloggers such as Lynn Cowell, Glynnis Whitwer, Melanie Shankle (BigMama) and Sophie Hudson (BooMama) .

To enter to win one of the free copies of this inspiring book for moms, leave a quick comment with your commitment to God and yourself to let go of the mommy guilt!

Winners will be announced on Friday, July 19th.

To visit Nancy’s website, visit nancybkennedy.com

57 Comments

  1. LRF on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 8:35 am

    Sounds like a good book for me to read & your blog was excellent. I feel guilty for for wanting (needing) a bream. I am stay at home mom and I love my day-every busy active boys! But my illness is causing my body to need a physical rest and my boys are young enough that I am with the.all day everyday b/c they
    still need mom. To add to my guilt b/c of marriage issues I feel I need to ‘ve e with the boys more & they want to be with me also-clingy is the word of the day! So…. I desperately need a break-emotionally,physically,spiritually BUT when I do get one (rarely) I feel I’ve let my kids down and am hurting them and adding to their problems. I know in my head God wants me to be renewed & wants my kids to see that mom goes but comes back & they are fine (as am I). But my HEAD knows it but I struggle to live it out.. I need to commit to take a breakpoints the guilt b/c in Christ no more guilt needs to be upon me. Sorry this is long -please pray for me as this gets all sorted out. Blessings!



  2. kelley on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 9:17 am

    Such perfect timing on this message. What do you do with the guilt when your children are adults?? Praying God’s strength and guidance for all.



  3. Maureen on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 9:21 am

    I am a “stay at home” mom of 4 children under 10. I feel most guilty for my baby boy who spends too many hours in his car seat while I drive here and there all summer to keep my older kids busy with activities. I found a really reasonably priced camp and decided to rid myself of the car seat guilt and reward myself and my baby boy for all the running we do for the older kids. Every morning this week I leave for camp with the older kids and leave the baby, car seat free, with my husband before he leaves for work. In the afternoon a friend whose child is in the same camp brings my kids home because I take hers to camp in the morning. Everybody wins, older kids have a blast at camp for a week, baby gets mom all to himself and no car seat time, and mom loses the guilt and enjoys the rare time alone with my baby! Not to mention the 20 minute drive home each morning, completely alone with God! Only God could have created this miracle of a situation!



  4. Lori A. on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 9:25 am

    Our kids are grown so the everyday mommy guilt isn’t there but I think this would be an excellent book for my friends that are still going thru that period in life.



  5. Donna Larue on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 9:30 am

    Although our kids are older now, I can definitely relate to this post. In our family, my income has always been greater than my husband’s due to our chosen careers, so when our oldest of 3 kids started kindergarten, we prayed long and hard and decided that he would give up his job to stay home with our 3 children. I should have felt wonderful about the situation, but found myself quite often feeling jealous because he got to stay home with the kids and I did not. I really had to pray through that situation. It relieved an incredible amount of stress we were both feeling trying to manage the 3 kids and both of our jobs, as well as our ministries at the church. My husband and I look back on that time in our lives and know that it is one of the best decisions we could have made for our family. This book sounds like something that I can share with the younger women at my church that are trying to balance work, motherhood, being a wife, plus their other roles in life.



  6. Erica on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 9:32 am

    Perfect timing after a huge day of monmy guilt yesterday! Even though I work in ministry and get to take my girls with me to work {as a children’s director of our church} I feel guilty that we’re there all day instead of enjoying the laziness of summer {and feel more guilt when I’m not productive due to breaking up tifs between them}. Praying to be content!



  7. Suzanne on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 9:34 am

    Although my children are older now (13 &19), I still have moments of “mommy guilt”. Especially now that it is getting close to my son going back to college, I want to spend as much time as I can with him!! I try to take a couple of days off here and there during the summer to just have some fun time with them. God is good and has provided me a job that allows me to take time as I needed to be a part of my children’s lives. I am also thankful that they spend the summer together and have developed a strong sibling bond!



  8. MissyB on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 9:40 am

    I have mother/daughter guilt. I have a teenage daughter and it seems like we clash on a lot of things. I know this is a hard age but I think I have said that every year. I know I am not her friend I am her mom but I sometimes get trapped at looking at other teenagers and parent relationships and they are talking and getting along, having fun. I feel like I don’t have that good of a relationship with my daughter but I do want it. She wants to be gone and go over to other people’s homes a lot and not be home. Sometimes I wonder if that’s because of me and then other times I am glad she is gone so we are not fussing. Guilt when she is there and guilt when she is not there.



  9. Amber M on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 9:50 am

    Thank you so much for your words today! I think all of us moms need to hear this over and over, we seem to forget so easy! Thank you for speaking truth into my soul during the very hot days of summer 🙂



  10. Kathleen Aldinger on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 10:01 am

    Tracie, thanks for the words of encouragement. When my son was young I only worked 2 days a week. I was so very thankful to be able to spend time with him. As he grew I took on more work hours and now am working a 30 hour week. Lately I’ve been really struggling with “guilt” and resentment about “having” to work and wishing I could be home more. I absolutely loved my days as a mother and housewife, Your perspective was much needed. Thanks for the words of encouragement to ask God about showing me the positive side of what I am doing. I plan on praying for his wisdom and discernment in this area of my life.



  11. Sarah on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 10:02 am

    Thank you for the reminders today! Over the years I know I have fought mommy guilt as I worked outside the home. Over time, I came to realize that God gave me a great job and He provided me with a great babysitter to love on my kids while I worked. She taught them and me many things. She has been such a blessing to me & my family. She became like a grandmother to my girls and to this day we still stay in contact even though the girls are teenagers and one is getting ready for college. I have learned to let go of what I can’t do and to be thankful for all the support I receive from friends and family that God has put in my life. God bless.



  12. Carissa D. Huffman on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 10:07 am

    I am a working mom, with a four year old son. Since he has been six weeks old, I have been working full time. I do have a 32 hour work week most weeks, up to 36 hours. There is NO way my family could afford for me or my husband to leave work. My son stayed with a dear family member his first year, and then we were blessed to find a Christian daycare center where he is treated like a blessing.

    I do feel guilty that I am away, and that we have so little to show for it–we don’t have a lot of extra savings, we can’t affodr a lot of the cool things to go and do. He has plenty of toys, thanks to grandparents and other relatives, and I love the consignment shops and thrift stores to get him nice clothes–eBay, too. But, I want him to be rich in experiences, not things. I hope walks to the park, and attempts to do what is free and/or really cheap on those “Conor and Mommy” Fridays are enough.

    I am going to keep in mind that the Lord knew my son would have a working mommy, and that my mother worked when I was growing up–I don’t feel like I missed out on too much at all. And, I am going to keep trusting the Lord for a sibling for my son–we all really want one, and His way is always the best!

    Thanks for your wise words–they really do help!

    Carissa in eastern Iowa



    • Amanda on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 10:50 am

      AWESOME!!! I too work. Some mornings when the kiddos are cuddling is when I just want to hold them. Other than that, I don’t mind leaving the house and know that this is part of HIS plan for me.



  13. Elaisha T on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 10:13 am

    I have been a stay-at-home mom to my 2 year old daughter since she was born and your post completely spoke to me! There are definitely times that I have wished for a little bit of a break, or some “me” time. I always feel like I’m a terrible mom for feeling that way. Now, I realize that it is necessary, for me to be the best mother I can be. In order for me to take care of my daughter, I need to take care of myself as well! Also, not comparing myself to other mothers is my biggest struggle!!! It’s so frustrating to look at someone else’s life and it looks “perfect”. However, I need to remember that my battle is different from theirs and they have their own struggles!



  14. Deb H on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 10:22 am

    Thank you for your words of encouragement today! I worked most of the years when my kids were young, I now however am home, due to medical reasons. I have one child still at home and she is 15, I think my time at home with her has been a blessing, we have grown closer, she shares so much with me and loves that I am home. I had those feelings of guilt however when my 2 boys were little, they are now grown and on their own. It is hard to try to be everything to everybody, and sometimes in that you lose yourself. Thank you for the inspiration today.



  15. angie steffen on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 10:30 am

    Wow, another slapped in the head! Lolol. I am very lucky to stay home w/ my kids. During school year I sub in the lunchroom, my kids r n jr high. I like spending time w/ the younger kids, at the end of the school year I asked the kids what they r looking forward to. All they said was we get to b w/ our friends. This summer I am not going to worry about what the looks like, I want to have fun with them. Water balloon, frozen shirts, and movies on the side of the garage.( projector). I will ask GOD, to take the feeling that the house has to b clean, and to help my husband and I just have a great summer, making lots of memories.
    God bless you all



  16. Amanda on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 10:47 am

    NO MORE PERFECT MOMS!!!! Simply because they don’t exsist. Everyday my kiddos teach me to let go of more and more!! I have FINALLY taught myself that my un-picked up house means their is a family LIVING there and that we are far to busy making memories and traditions to worry about making sure everything is within it’s dusty outline. I can’t wait to get my hands on today’s book!!



  17. Peggy Clement on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 10:48 am

    I am lucky to be a stay at home Mom, I am busy with my Mom who has demintia and lives with me. I also have health issues that limits me to my activities. I wrestle with guilt on a lot of issues and God plese help me to hand it all to you in Jesus name amen.



  18. Nita on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 10:50 am

    Wow! Thank you for encouraging words! I struggle so much with guilt and internal tug of war of being a mommy and working full time! So many times I feel inadequate as a mom and feel there Is just not enough time to get it all done and be the mom my children deserve: (



  19. Tonya Ellison on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 10:56 am

    Yes I suffer from mommy guilt. Just last night I had the guilt stare me in the face. I work full-time outside of the home as a bereavement counselor, Tuesdays we have our support group and I don’t get home until 8. These days hurt because I only get an hour or so with the kids before we head to the sitters and an hour or so before bedtime. I felt bad because I was drained and felt thet I had failed as a mom for the day. This happens a lot, I wish I could have more times with my babies. I wish I could make perfect dinners. I wish I could be a perfect wife and a perfect housekeeper. I know life is going to be busy as a working ,mom and that life isn’t going to go perfectly as I would like. Thank God for the hand that he places on my shoulder and for when He tells me that I’m doing a good job. He knows the guilt that I deal with and that we all deal with. My prayer for today and always is that we find rest in His grace and know that He is watching over our kids at all times.
    🙂



  20. Janetta Dobler on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 11:04 am

    My son is now 16. I am unemployed and we are living just within our means (praise God!). I feel bad that we haven’t taken a vacation in 17 years and that we can’t afford many of the things we would like to have and do, but I am thankful that we have love and that we have the Lord in our lives. He truly is our provider and when I start feeling down or inadequate, I have to remind myself that my treasures are stored up in heaven. My son needs to learn that although his grandparents buy him things and take him away, that the most important thing is his relationship with Christ and that there is no better place to be than in the Lord’s arms. It’s not easy being a parent in these end times, with all the worldly distractions and influences. We must ferverently pray for our children always.



  21. Jeanne on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 11:06 am

    Thank you for sharing these great words today – I have such terrible guilt about taking my son to daycare while I teach. We pass a couple of parks on the way there and I always think to myself, “I wish I could be taking my son to the park right now instead of taking to the babysitter”. What a great thought that I can replace that with…”God will be with my son the whole time. Even when I am not there, God is there at all times.”



  22. Kathy on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 11:44 am

    God has enabled me to work at home as a free-lance writer and then supplement that income as a preschool teacher so I’m home from work when my two teenagers get home. I’ve fought guilt and comparing myself to other mothers, especially when I had to work full-time away from home. When my son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes three years ago, God opened my eyes to the blessing of each day and each precious moment with both of my children. Although I still struggle with all of these “feelings,” especially worry and fear about his health, God is faithful as he promises in Lamentations 3:22-24. “God, you are a great God and even when I am consumed with these sinful feelings and reactions to my role as mother, your great love takes over. Your compassions never fail. They are new every morning. Great is your thankfulness! Because of these promises, I’m overwhelmed with gratefulness and the presence of your Holy Spirit to guide me and support me and every mom who cries out to You. Thanks for loving us. Amen.”



  23. Tyrina Cittrich on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 12:00 pm

    Dear Lord, please help me to have patience that I am where I am suppose to be. That being a stay-at-home/work from home mom is what You have planned for me. Help me let go of the guilt that we must have somewhere to go everyday to make this a great summer. Having each other everyday is a blessing. Thank You for my blessings. In Jesus’ name, amen.



  24. michelle h on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    Thanks so much for tackling this topic today! I was one of the mommies who commented about the guilt the other day. I’m praying for God’s perspective each day and thankful that my kids are home with a dad who loves them so much.



  25. Diamond Jernigan on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 12:07 pm

    All of those topics above pertained to me. I am a stay at home mom currently and it is stressful just like a working mom tackling her schedule each day and I have been a working mom as well before this past year. I thank you so much for this topic today. I am devoting myself more to God these days and lifting my children up to Him as well. I put my worries in His hands every morning during devotional time. I do feel like at times I feel unworthy that I am not working but then I think God wants me right here for now, being with my children presently. My biggest guilt has been not being able to do things with the children this summer due to financial strains but I am learning we can do fun things at home as well as you stated in your earlier posts about Stay-cations. Thanks again and I am giving God my guilt to help me work through it all each day.

    Diamond Jernigan



  26. Brittany on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 12:43 pm

    I had a baby just over a year ago and returned to work when he was three months old. I HATED it! I became so depressed and it took me six to seven months after that to get back into enjoying my work again. I’ve prayed countless hours that God would fufill the desire of my heart to be there with my baby all day, but He has answered my prayer in different ways. I have a WONDERFUL job and an absolutly amazing babysitter. She is a gift from Heaven! I resolve to be a better me at work and home, to spend as much time with my baby as possible and to make the most of each moment with him. And I won’t feel guilty about being away from him during the day.

    I recently heard a study on the radio that children with stay-at-home mothers (like I had) and children with working mothers develop the same emotionally. That makes me feel much better as well! :]

    Thanks so much for this blog!



  27. Kelly S on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 1:20 pm

    My commitment to God was and still is that I will try to remain open so that He can use me to be the mom He wants me to be to raise my son for Him. That is what I prayed for a week when I prayed for the seemingly impossible conception of my baby boy. Now he is 13, he is Jesus centered but our daily routine has slipped and our together time w/ The Lord needs super charged.



  28. Melissa on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 1:25 pm

    Thank you for the encouragement. I tend to go back and forth between mommy guilt and being glad to have a job that I enjoy. Although if I was given the financial choice I would definitely choose to stay home, I know that God is using this season in special ways.



  29. Melanie on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    Oh my word….this is exactly what I needed to hear. A close co-worker has just announce that she is resigning to be a stay at home mom. While I am THRILLED for her….I plunged into a sea of guilt. I am so thankful for my job and the day care that my children are enrolled in. No good will come out of comparing myself or feeling guilty. Thank you for this reminder and throwing me the life jacket I needed!!!



  30. Donna J. on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 1:58 pm

    I love reading your posts! They are so encouraging. My children are now grown adults with children of their own but I now find myself having “grandma” guilt. I feel like I don’t spend enough time with them, especially during the summer. (They live out of the area)

    I really try hard to deal with my guilt and give it to God because I am a MOPs Mentor Mom and as one I encourage the moms to do the same. So I am constantly in prayer asking God to help me be an open, transparent, example to these women. I think it is important that I show them that while I am not perfect, that I do rely on God and His direction in my life and that it is ok not to be a perfect mom, but that He has already forgiven us so it is important to let go of the guilt.



  31. Annie B on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 2:28 pm

    Good timing for me to read this. I have a problem with feeling guilt in that a lot of days I wish I could go to work — instead of being home with 4 kids 5 and younger. I remember people at work saying that I would come back for “a beak”, but we have kept me home while we can afford it. I have hard days and feel guilty for not doing enough with my kids, and not being a good enough mom or wife. I need to let go of that through prayer and also let go of the thought that things would be better if i were working!



  32. Amy on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    Much of this post hit such sensitive nerves that it was hard to read without tears welling in my eyes. I only feel healed with God’s loving Word. Thank you for these words of reminder and encouragement.



  33. Brittany jacobson on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 3:34 pm

    I’m not a mom but a know a beautiful mom who needs this Lord I let go of the guilt that comes with being a mom for my friend Lord. I pray for all these mom’s they lack nothing you have given them every spritual gift to be the beautiful mom’s they are. You positioned them to be a mom and you bless them with the purpose of being a mom amen



  34. Ashlee on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 3:35 pm

    I so needed this. I am a stay at home mom and with that came the sacrifice of no summer vacation, few daily outings to the zoo, museums, etc. I am home with my child and she is missing out on everything her friends get to do because I do not work outside of the home. It breaks my heart to scroll downy FB page and see all the beach pictures and know that we are missing out. I feel guilty like I should go back to work. I pray that God will engulf me with peace that only He can provide. The beach is a week, staying home with her will impact her for a lifetime. Thanks so much for the post!!!



  35. Julie S on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 3:51 pm

    I wrestle with Mommy guilt a lot in the summer. It’s very difficult to rationalize the way that I feel. I know in my heart they are fine, but I still feel like they need me. I pray often that I’m not totally messing them up by not being home for them!



  36. Elaine Segstro on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    I am still dealing with guilt in parenting even though my sons are adults (they are still at home). I feel I didn’t do enough for them spiritually or to train them to be responsible. I know I loved and do love them. It’s hard to measure up to standards that are unrealistic. I did and do what I can, and pray that they will love and lean on the Lord.



  37. Jennie Byrd on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 5:03 pm

    Hello. I have not read your blog before but found it in a P31 Devotion. I am a working mom who has worried over not being home. I had a friend say that she hated the idea of others “raising’ her children. Her husband explained to her that no one was raising their children but them, they just had help loving on them from time to time! I love #7 and will try harder and more prayerfully to not worry over the mess. Anytime. I tend to stress over the mess and have been trying to do better but as a human I slip more than I get it right. After the Extraordinary Women’s Conference this year and listening to Karen Kingsbury read her new book (Let Me Hold You Longer-I was in tears before she got to second page!) I do realize that there will come a time when I miss a lot of the things I may fuss about today. I have a 7 year old daughter, Emily who is an only child. I will also work hard and prayerfully to stop the comparisons! I am so bad about that! Thank you for the great information.



  38. Erin on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 5:41 pm

    This was a very good message. I find myself playing the comparison game from time to time. I am a stay at home mom and one of the circles of friends we have has all working professional moms. Even though I have an advanced degree my husband and I decided that it’s best for me to stay at home with our children. But sometimes I feel “less than” because I don’t work. I am very confident that God has called me to stay home with our children and I find much comfort in that. But every once in a while I have some doubts.



  39. Michelle b on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 6:40 pm

    I’ve been home almost five years.now and just started to realize it is a ministry and a calling (I’m slow I guess haha). I try to teach my kids and do what I should but I guess I’m full of mommy guilt that I’m not doing a good enough job for them out as a housewife. Everybody is different and I’m praying to let go and listen to His guidance with my priorities. Thanks for the encouraging words!



  40. Mia on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 8:04 pm

    I am a SAHM, My daughter is 10 months old.. lately i have been needing a baby break!! we live far from family so i don’t really get one. especially with my devoted hubby working full time and taken college classes on top of that. many days i feel so alone. but reading this post has encouraged me to keep on going. I know God is here with me.



  41. Josie on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 8:14 pm

    Hi, I am single mother of two teenagers with no relatives nearby to help and dealing on a daily basis of the guilt of being the only one raising them and spending time with them. I am so thankful for the journey God brought me through. It seems to me that I grew and learned so much alongside with my kids.



  42. Heather on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 8:55 pm

    I could not have read this at a better time than right now! I am going through so many emotions as I’ve just had a baby girl two weeks ago and have sooo much “mommy guilt” of not being able to spend as much time with my sweet three year old boy. I feel terrible because of it and try to spend as much time with him as I can. Not to mention, that I do not have a job and this has made it rough on my husband and out finances as well. I lost my job and am currently on the hunt for another and have mixed emotions about that. It breaks my heart knowing that in order for our family to flourish both parents have to work. But I also know that unlike most families we are so blessed to not have to pay for childcare. My amazing aunt lives with us and cares for our babies while we are gone. I’m grateful knowing that they are well taken care of when mommy and daddy aren’t home. Thank you for being that instrument God created you to be in making a difference in other women’s lives. I feel great knowing that it’s completely normal to have that guilt, but what you do about it is what makes all the difference! Blessings



  43. Cindy Lee on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 9:18 pm

    As my daughter is set to get her driver’s license this week, I still find myself dealing with the struggles of working full-time. I am learning to pick God 1st, family 2nd & everything else can get in line behind those. I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to take off Friday & spend the day with her. So instead of focusing what I haven’t been able to do, or still am not able to do, I will choose to celebrate the moments I do get to spend with her. I am looking forward to Friday, that’s for sure. Blessings! Can’t wait to start your book study next month with our ladies’ group at church!



  44. Jennifer L on Wednesday, July 17, 2013 at 10:58 pm

    This topic is what I am struggling with right now. Is now the time to stop working full-time to stay at home with my 7-year old, almost 4-year old and 8-month old? I’m so conflicted especially because I have health insurance through my employer because my husband is self-employed. I am doing my best to pray, be patient and have God give me direction in this. Maybe I’m missing what He is trying to tell me. Or maybe God is telling me it is time because my husband has mentioned just this evening that we could consider looking at me not working full time and just a couple of months ago when I mentioned he didn’t think the time was right. Is God working in my husband to show me now is the time? Staying at home with my children is something I have longed for but now the thought of it happening makes me nervous and unsure. But excited as well! Am I ready for being a full-time mom? Will my children benefit from being at home with me as we have an absolutely amazing daycare center who has taught my two older children so many things.



  45. Jen Kimble on Thursday, July 18, 2013 at 8:38 am

    I promise to let go of the guilt! I usually have 5-6 children in my home at any given time (4 of them being my own). I am proudly (and luckily) a stay at home mother. I am living to be content with where I am and the ministry God has given to me.



  46. Sally Green on Thursday, July 18, 2013 at 8:44 am

    Thank you for this blog post. This is something I have been struggling with for the past 3 years! Thank you do much!!!



  47. Jessica on Thursday, July 18, 2013 at 11:00 am

    Thank you so much for this! I have had to work full time for the last 4 years and I struggle with guilt everyday and specially in the summer. I will keep seeking God’s direction in our lives and try to be content with where He has me right now.



  48. Katie on Thursday, July 18, 2013 at 11:03 am

    Thank you very much for your post. Mommy guilt has that way of creeping in when I least expect it. I loved the last line you wrote reminding us that even when we can’t be with our children, God is!



  49. Jenny on Thursday, July 18, 2013 at 12:59 pm

    As a work at home mother, I am constantly trying to stay balanced and it can be a challenge. Your post reminded me none of us are perfect. This summer, I decided not to worry about a messy house and to use our free time making memories with the kids. It was a great decision and we are all happier for it. Spending my time off cleaning was a drudgery. Now everyone has a few tasks and we handle them in between having fun. It’s a much better way to spend summer!



  50. Tracy on Thursday, July 18, 2013 at 1:58 pm

    Even with all of my children as adults I still struggle with guilt. Now it involves my grandchild! I enjoy my job and I enjoy my home. But, I love my granddaughter. Prioritizing is hard no matter what or who it involves. Do what you can, listen to those giving wise council, and trust that you are doing the best you can within God’s Will.



  51. Amy on Thursday, July 18, 2013 at 10:42 pm

    I read this post several days late, but on the right day! I am a stay at home mom of three. I feel guilty almost daily for not contributing financially to my family, as well as for the frustration I feel towards my kids, knowing full well what a blessing it is to be with them every day. I will continue to pray for peace and patience in each moment throughout the long summer days.



  52. Grace on Friday, July 19, 2013 at 4:50 am

    Wao. What an awesome message. Tracie you’re such a huge inspiration! . I am mum to a 14month old son and a stay at home mum for a year now. I remember feeling so guilty returning back to work when he was just three months that I would cry on my way to work and call every 30 minutes to be sure he’s had his meal or if he’s asleep or if his diaper needs changing! .I couldn’t focus at work. I was really miserable. Looking back leaving work to manage my own business is one best decisions I’ve ever made. I still feel guilty every now and then when I leave him with my mum for a couple of hours to run some errands but in all I put my trust in the Lord that He will provide the strength needed to be yhe best mother I can be to my son and his other siblings which the Lord will bless me with.



  53. Briana on Friday, July 19, 2013 at 4:13 pm

    I am a SAHM of four, and my mommy guilt is that I am not “enjoying every second”. I feel guilty that I look forward to when I get to drop them off at school. I put the TV on and let them zone out when I need to get things done. I don’t make homemade everything, and I don’t preschool at home, or teach my kids everything they need to know before kindergarten. I do pray for them, I do love them with all my heart, and I do trust that they are each one a special blessing from God, and I was chosen to care for them for a reason. I trust that God is going to always be the one to provide the patience, strength, and grace for every day that I need to raise these kids, and I trust that they will be His kids first, and my kids second, because I am His kid first, and their mom second.



  54. Joan Reinhard on Friday, July 26, 2013 at 9:05 am

    I am a mom of four grown children. Over the years of family vacations my greatest memories are evening bike rides to watch the sunset and that amazing show by our creator always reminding us as a family how blessed we are. As an older mom let me say that family time is so very precious soak it in as often as you can star gaze together on clear summer nights, catch firefly and let them go, listen to the symphony of sounds that God has given us in nature. Your children will remember those moments and treasure them and most importantly be amazed at their creator.



  55. kristen on Wednesday, August 21, 2013 at 5:17 pm

    AHHHHHHH! so needed to hear this today. My commitment is to: Trust God in THIS time and appreciate the blessings (and adversities you mentioned). I have been feeling a call to change and committing to pray about the Lord opening doors, and giving our family CLEAR direction for the future which is what Im having a struggle with!). THANK YOU for this message today.



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Tracie Miles is a bestselling author and the Director of COMPEL Training with Proverbs 31 Ministries.  She helps women grow stronger in their faith, pursue the life of purpose God designed them for and live a life of peace, joy and happiness despite their circumstances.

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