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I once read that marriage is not 50/50 as the old saying goes, but instead it is really 100/100! If you think about it, regardless of what we are trying to work at, if we only offer 50% of our efforts, the outcome is not going to be what we had hoped for. If we only give half of our efforts, how can we expect a complete result?
This also proves true when it comes to the words we invest into our marriage, and our husbands, because a wife’s words have great influence.
In some instances, we may want our husbands to change in some regard because it would benefit us, or make us feel more loved or appreciated. However, I think in most cases, the changes we wish would take place in our husbands are because we genuinely want them to be the best they can be – as a husband, a father, and a man.
For example, we may wish they were a stronger spiritual leader in the home, because it would increase their faith level and impact the hearts of children in positive ways for the Lord. In fact, dozens of you commented about that yesterday. Or we may wish they would be more attentive to our feelings, because we know that would improve our marriage overall and make for a happier family unit. Or we wish they would be able to control their temper better, so that everyone in the family could be happier.
But regardless of the reason we may want them to change, whether it be selfish or selfless, the truth remains that there is really no way to change a man – only God can truly do that.
However – we can help him build a desire to change himself by focusing on what is good in him, instead of all that is wrong with him in our opinion.  Our thoughts turn into criticism, and our criticism turns into words which wound and destroy. I have fallen prey to that trap in my lifetime, and maybe you have as well. Even if our opinions are accurate and our critiques are justified, they hold no power to change.
When we constantly focus on the negative aspects of our man, the door is opened for Satan to creep in and begin taking his toll on the hearts of the wife and the husband, and certainly in the relationship.
Instead, our goal through prayer and selfless intention, should be to subtly guide and build up a husband so that he can become the man God intended for him to be, and the husband that we long for; to help a man recognize his own self worth, by seeing himself through the adoration of his wife. Not because we have to, or even because a husband deserves it, or even because we adore him – but because words of encouragement hold power.
If a man feels a desire to change and a desire to please his wife, he will be much more willing to work towards changing, than he would if a wife was just demanding change. Wives can motivate their efforts through the tools of love, respect and admiration, but the key lies in remembering to say those words when we feel them. Not to manipulate, but to motivate. Not to control, but to guide.
My husband is a Commercial Building General Contractor by trade, and with the economy in crisis, there is not a whole lot of building going on. This lack of work has nothing to do with my husband’s ability or expertise, but when business is bad, he takes the blame on himself, as most men do, since they are built with an innate need to be good providers.
I have reminded Michael numerous times in the past year that he has always been, and always will be, a great contractor. The state of the economy, even though it affected us personally, is no reflection on his skills, talents or his ability to provide for our family. I want him to know that I still admire him and what God has gifted him to do, even when business is down and even when life gets rough. And with unemployment at an all time high, these are powerful words many men may need to hear.
Yet, all too often, those words of encouragement go unspoken. In fact, there are many ways I could think of to compliment my husband, yet I don’t always speak up. For example, there have been days when I have been away from Michael and thinking fond thoughts of him, such as how much I love him, how proud I am of all he’s accomplished or how thankful I am for all he does for our family, but then when he got home from work, I never mentioned those things, and instead maybe even complained about something silly.
Why didn’t I just share all those loving positive thoughts with him, instead of voicing the negative or neutral thoughts? The culprit was simply a habit – a habit that needed breaking.
I have heard it takes 21 days for a new habit to form; for it to become second nature to us, instead of something we have to focus on deliberately doing. Each one of us is in a habit with our words – a habit of tearing down, a habit of neutrality, or a habit of building up.
A few years ago after posting about this topic of promoting our husbands with words, a reader sent me a private email sharing a personal story. She stated that her husband was not an emotional or affectionate man, and that their relationship was strained as a result. She was hesitant to try to compliment him, because she didn’t think he would be responsive or appreciative. She feared rejection. But she stated that as soon as she spoke sweet unexpected words of encouragement to him, he “melted like a marshmallow”. I just loved that analogy!
I am not saying that all men are like marshmallows, but all men do need encouragement, and need to believe that they are respected and admired. We might be surprised at the response a few sweet words can elicit, and maybe see a side of our husbands that we haven’t seen in a very long time.
Hebrews 10:24 says “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds”
Let’s start some spurring on today.
DAY 2 CHALLENGE: PROMOTE YOUR MAN
Make a list of positive things about your husband, and then pick one or two of those things to compliment him about today. Then try to remember to compliment him at least once per day for the next week. If you have not promoted him with your words in quite a while and it seems awkward, ask God to put the words on your lips, and to soften your husbands heart to be receptive. If possible, let your husband hear you complimenting him to someone else as well.
If you can’t think of anything positive because the weight of your troubled relationship has consumed your thoughts for so long, then pray about it. Ask God to prick your memory or bring something to mind that you do admire about your husband, especially if lots of ugly thoughts are crowding out positive ones.
Leave a comment stating one special way you could encourage, or have encouraged your man recently, with your words. I’m sure we could all benefit from each other’s insights and support.
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Tracie Miles is a bestselling author and the Director of COMPEL Training with Proverbs 31 Ministries. She helps women grow stronger in their faith, pursue the life of purpose God designed them for and live a life of peace, joy and happiness despite their circumstances.
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I am prayung that my husband will receive the compliments and encouragement that are given to him. I will pray that I can keep them coming although the response may not be positive!
Katie – I am praying along with you that your kind words will not fall on deaf ears and that over time he will become receptive and positive too.
I am grateful for this 14 day motivation. I really need prayer because I have SUCH a negative attitude about my marriage. I feel like have blow it so much by only looking at the negative. But I also feel justified because he is so negative ALL the time. Anyway if I can genuinely compliment him and he actually receive it in is heart it will be a miracle. I don’t doubt God can do miracles but this seems like an uphill battle for Him
Praying for you this morning Rebecca- it is hard. I pray God will open your husbands heart to receive your compliments or praise and that the wall be broken down one kind word at a time. Miracles do still happen. 🙂
Rebecca, I know where you are coming from. I have the same thing going on in my marraige. It seems hard to think about being positive and complimenting when you feel like it is not going to do any good. But I’m going to give it a try too! Here’s to miracles 🙂
I have to let him know how much I appreciate him listening to me day in and day out. He is a great listener, and doesn’t say much, just listens. He doesn’t complain or show stress in his job, but I know it is stressful, yet he allows me to vent about my day, and continues to take care of me and our family. I need to let him know he is a wonderful listener and then to shut my mouth and let him talk about his day, etc.
My husband recently revamped our bathroom in efforts to put the house on the market. He has not always been the best handy man but recently has gotten much better
For some reason it didn’t post my whole comment….
I praised my husbands work after finishing the bathroom. I usually critique his work and actions too much in a negative way. I want to change this.
Thank you for this marriage challenge, Tracie! I am praying for all of the marriages that are participating. Many years ago my marriage was on the brink of divorce. At that time, I made a commitment to God that even though I didn’t feel like I could trust my husband, I trusted God and I knew He wanted me to stay. He encouraged me to treat my husband as if he were the man that I wanted him to be, rather than the man that my opinion had formed of him. Slowly and over time, our relationship was healed and today our marriage is strong and healthy. Ask God to help you see your husband through His eyes. Today, it is easy for me to speak words of encouragement to my husband. It wasn’t always that way, but God is so faithful! I will continue to pray for all of you precious women who are brave enough to participate in this challenge.
Stephanie,
My reply comes almost 2 years later as I’m a newbie to Tracie Miles’ Challenge. My wonderful girlfriend told me about the challenge because my husband and I are so struggling. It’s been a struggle for almost the entire 10 years we’ve been married. I used to think that God gave him to me, but then after seeing how he had such a pattern of not taking care of his family I began to believe that my human being chose him and that it was a mistake, but one that I was going to do my best to live with and not get divorced. Your post made me choke on my soup. I was just reading it and then started to tear up and before I knew it I was not able to swallow. Thank you for having such a beautiful heart and for praying for all of the precious women who are trying to follow God and His plans for us in our marriages. Bless you. I believe that God is faithful and that He will pull us all through this if we follow Him and put our marriage in His hands. Thank you and Tracie, Thank you as well. I have the book the Power of a praying wife and right now is the perfect time to read it. I’m struggling with praying every day, but will keep on trying.
This is even more crucial for us whose husband’s love language is words of affirmation as mine is. I tell my husband how much I appreciate all the things he does in the morning; spending time in the word, praying, and doing the dishes. We also need to tell our husband’s how handsome they are!
The most evident thing that’s easiest to praise my husband for is how he is with our children. Although he didn’t see a functional father or family unit, he is an amazing father to our children. I love watching him and telling him how good he is with them.
My husband works with special needs adults and has such a gift for working with them.
Simce the Lord has given me a new heart for my husband i work on complimenting him regularly.
Still praying for his heart change
My husband is currently off work from surgery he had almost 4 weeks ago. I have been very negative about him not getting paid while he is off. I am going to pray FOR my husband that he will forgive my negative comments and I will tell him how grateful I am for him, a man of faith, that was brought back into my life after 20+ years. We went to our 8th grade prom together and then on to separate high schools. We found each other 3 1/2 years ago and have been together since that day. I prayed to God that he would bring a man of faith into my life and the very next day, I found my husband. I do tell him all the time that he is my hero, now I just need to show it! Thank you for doing this marriage challenge to help remind us to focus on what we do have in our husbands.
My husband makes our daughter’s school lunch every morning with a smile and happy attitude. It warms my heart for some reason.
Good Morning,
I prayed to compliment on how well my husbands helps me in the morning with the children before he goes to work. My husbands also cooks the meals when we get home while I go over homework, tend to the kids or if I want to go for a run. And as I type I realize that I am blessed. Thank you for the challenge and just like God sent you a book at the car wash; God sent me this Challenge just when I need it the most. So I thank God for our pain because He is also the Healer, Amen. Much Love and God Bless Lady!
All I can say on this: Oh help.
 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end;  they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness (Lamentations 3:22-23)
Well, I have complimented my husband for many things and as I type away I know I have more to say. My husband and I do not have children together however, we have three dogs, a bird and a turtle. He loves animals and through this love and appreciation for God’s creatures I have become one too! I have thanked him for that but I don’t think I have complimented him on the passion he has for them. That is my compliment for this evening!
Thank you so much for this study!
I can really relate to the part of the post that spoke about how we can be thinking positive things about our husband during the day but then we end up saying something nit-picky or downright negative instead. I pray for the self-control that can only come from the Holy Spirit to change this horrible habit of mine to focus on the negative instead of building my husband up. When he comes home from work tonight, I pray I can focus on listening to how his day was without judgment or condemnation and only speak if I can build him up and encourage him.
I pray that my husband will receive the compliments that I have to say to him. I pray that he will hear what I have to say to him and not react in a negative way. I pray that God will show me how to love my husband in a way that will make him feel love. My marriage is in shambles at this point. My husband has already given up on it, but I refuse to give up. I feel that God has brought us together and Satan is responsible for this destruction. I am having a difficult time trusting my husband at this point in our marriage. He has had at least 1 affair that I am aware of and is still talking to her and at least 1 other woman. Even after confrontation he continues to deny what is/has been going on. I feel confident that God has given me the strength to continue in this situation and to strive to be the wife and mother that He would have me to be. We are approaching our 10th anniversary this year, and my prayer is that our anniversary could be the beginning of a new marriage relationship for us.
Keep praying for God to speak to your husband and for him to change his ways. Keep praying for your husband. I respect the way you are fighting for your marriage. Affairs are a hard thing to overcome, I have seen the effects with my parents late in life and the aftereffects of an affair in my in laws marriage. Missing element is a truly yolked marriage and absorption in the Lord. Keep trusting in the Lord and he will heal you and your marriage. This I pray for you.
Check out the website Laugying Your Way to a Better Marriage (https://laughyourway.com/) by Pastor Mark Gungor, read through some of his blogs regarding affairs, sexual promiscuity, etc. – It has been very eye opening for me and none of that has been an issue in my marriage but I did have pre-marital sex with previous boyfriends before dating my wonderful husband who was and remained a virgin before marraige. He is the one that let me to the Lord and showed me what real love and intimacy is all about. Tomorrow we will celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary.
Anyway, most affairs are not about “love” or lack of sex but about the “thrill” of the forbidden. Therefore I will pray for you and your husband Diane that the Lord will show your husband that sex is not about the thrill of the forbidden but real love and intimacy with his wife and no one else! And that life will not be “greener on the other side of the fence” with a new woman!
Be strong, keep praying, and check out Mark Gungor.
My husband is a wonderful spiritual leader for our home. He is constantly working with the kids involving scripture in our daily life lessons. When things are tough for any of us, he always finds ways for us to pray together or find a verse that brings us comfort. We both have been married before and have children from those previous marriages. I could not have asked for a better stepfather for my children.
Good Morning everyone. I have read Stormie Omartians book as well, and it really hit my heart. That was 2 years ago. For some reason, I followed the book to help my marriage for a few months, and then let all that work go down the drain. My marriage needs serious prayers and help. I feel as though I am a terrible wife. When my husband and I had our daughter, he feels as though I pushed him aside. He is completely correct. I put my daughter first in every aspect of my life. I give her all my love, attention, affection, positive words, ect. For some reason, I feel as though my husband can fend for himself, and he doesn’t need me. But, HE DOES NEED ME! I need to pray for him but, more for myself to be the kind of wife God has intended for me to be.
You are right. Our husbands may feel jealous, but we must reassure they are first. He does needs You
This is one of the hardest areas for me : being encouraging. My husband feels like he can never do anything right in my eyes; that I always take the other person’s side. Taking steps to change is a must. Thank for this challenge.
You are right sometimes we focus our emotions, eyes, and everything on the negative aspect. We all have a negative side. But for someone to speak up of our positive side, it makes us feel like a movie star. So, true I must bring to light ALL and the many positives that my husband does and have. Not only what he does but as well what he has. I love my husband but sometimes the daily routine doesn’t let me realized how Wonderful he is. I will sure make a list of ways to compliment him, this will help me a lot. I found this Challenge quite challenging but very Helpful. Love it!!!!!
I agree with the person who posted that I need to see my husband as the man I want him to be. I need to remember the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place. He is truly a great man and I need to be an encourager to him. I plan to tell him that I appreciate the help he has been with cooking meals and finding new recipes lately. Thanks for the daily reminders this challenge is giving me!!
We as wives can place a lot of pressure and expectations on our man when we want to see him as we see him, especially when we tell him how he’s suppose to be as a spiritual leader; comparing him to others; etc. I say let’s pray, “God, help me to see my husband as You see him ~ through Your eyes; not mine.”
I fail at being the encourager my husband needs quite often. I think its my own selfishness and need for approval that gets in my way. My husband will often times point out the one small thing he did to help out with the house and turns it into the biggest deal. He wants me to praise and go crazy over the one small thing he did and all I think of is all the things that I do for him and the children daily and consistently without praise or encouragement. I know that when I do everything that is my “job” on the home front he comes alive…so, I am turning my outlook and going to try to be more encouraging and see where this leads…I have to remind myself constantly that God placed my husband and I together so; my husband could be brought to Jesus. He was raised in a home without God and this ungodly home shaped him. I don’t want his parents marriage I want a Godly marriage…taking this challenge with deepest emotion. Thankful for these posts-I am encouraged!
I know exactly what I need to STOP doing and instead ENCOURAGE….I guess I do it out of fear of loosing him to cancer or sickness. I nag about him smoking…..even to the bit of mot wanting to kiss him after work because his breath smells and I so dislike the taste and smell. I am constantly asking him to stop smoking in which he says he will someday. Instead, I need to encourage him….pray for him….promote him, that he CAN do it….and ulimately give it to God to handle.
After yesterday’s challenge to pray for my husband instead of about him, I felt all day the Holy Spirit softening my heart. When he came home from work, I was able to speak with kindness and genuinely be interested about his day. We actually shared a laugh about an incident he is dealing with at work. We haven’t done that in awhile. 🙂
I have so much to encourage and thank my husband for but I haven’t told him lately. I will tell him today how much I appreciate his hard work to provide for our family for starters, and then keep it up with something new every day.
My first comment was my stuggle…this comment is my encouragement! Excellent provider. Loyal & Trustworthy. Makes his family a priority. Never complains about the house being a mess or no dinner. Although not knowing what the spiritual leader of a family looks like; he is trying his best to become one.
My husband desires to be a leader. In the past, I have thought of all the ways he has not stepped up in our marriage, family and faith. Recently a leadership opportunity has opened up at his place of work. I am encouraging him during the selection process by pointing out ways he has demonstrated leadership. This act of encouragement helps me focus on his positive attributes and actions rather than the negative.
My husband is always home from work before I am and has dinner either started or ready, I do tell him thank you but I need to remember to tell him how much I truly appreciate this because I don’t get home until late so this is a huge help. I also take for granted that he does all of the dishes and the laundry and I will just leave my dishes in the sink or tell him when I need something washed but I don’t always verbally recognize how much I appreciate him or these things that he is doing.
We have been looking for a house for around six months, and I so appreciate my husband’s attention to the details. He and I are so different in the ways we think, but in situations like this, I am proud and thankful to know that he’s done all of the research and has our family’s best interest in mind. All I have to do is trust him.
I bring in the household income in our family and support my husband as he finishes college, but he still helps in making the financial desicions. We don’t always agree in each other’s spending/saving habits. So I appreciate the self-discipline he encourages, to be wise with our finances and get ahead to a debt free life.
Thank you for sharing that a marriage is not 50/50 but 100/100. That was a profound statement for me! I have unfortunately fallen in the trap of having a mental list of all of my husband’s faults and this has certainly allowed Satan to take toll on us as individuals and as a couple. There have been so many times that I could have thanked him or complimented and I have chosen not to. Many times it was because I either thought that he never compliments me or thanks me, so why should I do it to him. I also thought that he didn’t deserve it because those are things that he should just be doing and they were unworthy of my praise. I have allowed this to go on for so long, that this challenge is taking me out of my comfort zone and is also a humbling experience for me. For that, I also thank you! I should be and am ashamed of myself. I will also pray that God will show me ways in which I can do this! So here it goes!
I will in a special way, thank my husband for all he did assisting me and our family during my recovery from my recent back surgery. I will thank him for not waiting until the weekend to help go purchase and set up a bed so that I can be comfortable at night. I pray that these words of thankfulness will be meaningful to him, respectful to him, and that is receptive to him.
I love the idea of focusing on the positive and giving a compliment to my man. I feel that this is a perfect place to start building a better relationship. I will be praising him for his dedication to our county and working hard for the Coast Guard, I know he makes personal sacrifices, and I need to reassure him he is a great father and provider. I already feel the softening of my heart from praying for him instead of about him. Thank you Tracie and I am praying for all of our marriages to strengthen.
I am thankful that my husband is such a hard worker and is willing to do whatever it takes so that I can stay home with our 9 month old daughter. It has always been my desire to be a stay at home mom, and I am so grateful that he makes that possible for me. Just as you said about your husband’s business being slow due to the down turn of the economy, the same is true for my husband. He is self employed as an insurance agent, and business has been very slow lately, causing us some financial stress. My husband takes it all on himself to provide for our family though, and has never complained about me not working because he feels that is what is best for our family. Instead, he has been working a second job selling snocones for his father’s business at night and on the weekends when the weather has been nice enough. This is something he has not had to do regularly in a while (since college, when it provided for his tuition money), but he is willing to do it so that I don’t have to work or worry about our finances. He is also very wise with money and I know I can trust him in our financial decisions. We have been having some difficulties in our marriage lately because I often get frustrated with his lack of spiritual leadership in our home, and I feel discouraged about him not being the man I want him to be spiritually. After reading your posts the past two days, I have realized that I need to go about things differently. Instead of nagging and telling him all the things he does wrong, I need to build him up and tell him what he’s doing that is right. I also need to pray for him, instead of about him, and know that only God can change him and help him to grow in his walk with Him. He has been a Christian since childhood, but I think he was raised more to have a great deal of knowledge about the Bible and the “do’s and don’t s ” of Christianity and sometimes he lacks the passion I would like to see in him. Your marriage challenge really couldn’t have come at a better time. I know that God wanted me to read this to encourage me and speak to me about the changes I can make in my marriage that will, hopefully, spur my husband on to change as well. Thank you for your words of encouragement and wisdom that God is using in my heart. I pray my marriage will be better because of it!
My husband is always very affectionate, always tells me how beautiful he thinks I am, and is protective of me and our girls. But I dont always tell him how much I appreciate these things about him. I shrug him off when he says I am beautiful and I sometimes push him a way after a long day at work. But I am so grateful to him for making me feel wanted and loved.
I am always quick to point out the shortcomings and need to ask God to blind me from seeing those. Definitely need to refocus on the good things my husband does and use those things to build him up. This challenge couldn’t have came at a better time for me. Thankful for the reminders and encouragement.
…”Not because we have to, or even because a husband deserves it, or even because we adore him – but because words of encouragement hold power.”
What a powerful reminder… Thank you Tracie!
I make lunch for my husband almost daily, & when I do, leave notes – love notes, encouragement, reminders ;)… As I continue to leave notes, I’m going to use those them as an opportunity to include words that promote him. My husband has always LOVED his notes…I’m so excited for them to mean even more!
You are so right – when we let the negative things take over Satan jumps right in! I was ready to walk away from our 16 year marriage last year. All I could see were the negatives. While reading blogs one day I saw “Winning Him Without Words”. I figured it couldn’t hurt, it sounded like just the kind of book I needed. WOW! It was exactly what I needed! My attitude changed, we started communicating more, and we are so much happier now. We had let so many things get in the way and walls build up that neither one of us knew how to fix it. It was hard starting the tough conversations but I am so glad we did. We still have things to work on but I try to focus on how far we have come and how much I do love him. I will definitely work on encouraging him more.
I love this challenge. I text my husband daily and sometimes several times a day to tell him that I love him and give him compliments. A couple of times when I could tell he was down my two daughters and I made him a poster board saying what a great husband and dad he his and wrote little messages on it. It is definilty harder to say nice things to him if I am mad, but I still try to at least text him everyday. Things have been going pretty well with us lately, but I know these challenges will only help to make it even better. 🙂
Focusing intentionally on the positive can also change our hearts and how we see our husbands. I appreciate today’s challenge.
First, I would like to say thank you for your articles of encouragement. We all need reminders on what we can do to better ourselves and our relationships.
Second, I would like to offer a word of encouragement to those struggling. I spent years being negative and being blind to that negativity. I was a “good wife” and didn’t deserve the way I was treated. Not that I was treated badly, just not the way I wanted. It took God opening my eyes (that’s a whole other, long, story) for me to see my shortcomings. I can say from experience that even after 10+ years of marriage and in that rut, and neither of us all that truly happy, that God CAN and WILL change you if you ask! Even if you do not believe that you are the problem, as God to change you. To change the way you react, and what you say, to give you the words to make the situation better rather than worse. Ask Him, and be ready because He will show you what you need to change, and you probably will not like it. It will not be easy to begin with, and there probably won’t be immediate results with your husband, but over time, if you stick with it and keep letting the Lord guide you, it will happen. I can say that after 14 years of marriage, thanks to God, I am now happier in my marriage than I have ever been. My husband is happier, and our children are happier. We are still far from perfect, but when I think about how far we (mainly I) have come, I cannot wait to see how far He will take us. So just hang in there, because it does not matter what the issues are, He can change any of them.
Today’s challenge really hit home for me. i dont do as much promoting him with words as I should. Thanks Tracie im on it!!! i will encourage him that he is a great husband and provider and vessel for God despite how things look right now!
I knew this would be hard for me, so I decided to send him a text since he is working late and under a lot of stresstoday. He works for corporate america and I said in my text: You can do it, the day is almost done. Just in case JD (the CEO of the company) forgets to tell you…you are doing a great job… ; ). Love you.
His typed response: Tears……
I appreciate my husband’s drive and hard work ethic.
I will try to make a conscious effort to compliment my husband when he corrects our children. Even though I may not always agree with how he corrects them with his words, I do believe that it shows him a level of respect when I stand behind him as the leader of our home, and when I uplift him with positive encouragement I do believe he will feel better about himself as a father and a husband.
I tell my husband all the time what a great job he does, how handsome he looks, how smart he is , etc, but it doesn’t seem to matter unless it comes from another woman. It has been a little over a year since he accepted Christ, so he is getting better about not being so attentive to other women. I vow to continue with praise not only to his face, but to others as well. I also need to change my internal thoughts from feelings of defeat to feelings of victory that I know God will bring to my marriage. The rejection is so hurtful and I just want to retreat. I have such a thick wall built up.
Hi, Keri. Remember that God loves you and He loves your husband, as well. He wishes the best for your marriage. He will strenghten you through this process, so trust in Him and look for His help when in a hard time. Make more time to read His Word with your husband and surround yourself with people that will lift you up when you go throught these times when you feel thoughts of rejection creeping up. God bless you!
I have access to my husbands calendar on my phone so I randomly set appointments to pop up “promoting” him and sometimes just fun stuff! He loves it.
Sometimes it’s hard to say things positive in hard times. I’ve found that those are the most important times for encouraging words. The obedience helps soften my heart. It’s usually easier for me to write than speak during trials so I bought markers for glass and leave him little messages in the shower or on the bathroom mirror.
That’s a great idea with the markers!
My former pastor always taught us that men need significance. Men respond to encouragement and positive words instead of the negative or what they do wrong. I know this first hand with my husband. I have always stood by and defended my husband to others. I have always tried to encourage him and support him in whatever he’s done. I may not have always agreed, liked or approved of some of his choices or decisions, but if you ask him I’m sure he’d say I was his biggest fan. Men are hard on themselves as it is, considering all the responsibilities they’ve been given. So why do they need someone else to point out their weaknesses or downfalls? Yesterday I was going to post one of my prayers for my husband is that he would see himself like I see him.
I recently accused my husband of cheating on me. It hurt him more than I ever thought I could hurt him. Encouraging him is going to be difficult for him to receive because of my foolishness. I will pray how to go about it and what words to say.
Recently my husband applied for a special effects contest to be chosen to be on a show. He went through the majority of the steps but did not get selected. I was so in shock that he wasn’t selected therefore I had no words to console him. His confident level lately has gone downhill. As soon as I read this, I sent my husband a text with encouraging words. I hope my words will lift his spirit up.
I will try to focus daily on the positive actions of my husband and acknowledge them with words. My husband does so much that I am thankful for but I never let him know that I feel this way. I hope to change that thru this challenge and for the rest of our marriage.
My husband often puts himself down and says he’s stupid or an idiot, and I always “correct” him – and say not to talk that way about himself and remind him that he is a child of God. But maybe I shouldn’t correct him like a mother, but simply remind him that I don’t think he’s stupid and God doesn’t either. I will begin thanking him more often for all he does around the house since we both work FT jobs.
start a prayer journal for your husband!
This is a good start!
https://seejamieblog.com/2011/09/25-prayers-for-my-husband/
Today my husband had to deal with a couple of accidents caused my negligence. It consumed his day, put him behind, and caused him to bail on some tentative plans we had made. My initial reaction was tears and overwhelming feelings of self pity. I felt like once again I was taking a back seat. I prayed for forgiveness and sat down to write him a quick note. I told him that while I knew that was not the way he wanted to spend his day I was sure that his leadership was stellar through the process. I will continue to look for ways to build him up and avoid feeling sorry for myself.
I send my husband text messages letting him know that I’m thinking of him or hoping that his day is going well. I want him to know that even when my day is crazed, he is still a priority of mine.
My husband was in an accident almost 5 years ago and suffers from chronic head pain. Recently, it has been so intense that his waking hours are consumed with coping with the pain long enough to get through his work day, never mind trying to function as the husband and father he desires to be. After hearing a sermon on pain and Paul’s thorn during his commute to work, he called me to ask me to listen to it because he felt God was speaking to him. I did as he requested and, as I listened, I realized that although I can’t share (or take away) the physical pain, I can do more to help lessen the burden. If this is, in fact, his thorn; it is not just his ~ it is ours as a couple and as a family, as it affects all facets of his life. I sent him a LONG, encouraging text, since he was at work, to let him know that I was willing to take up the yolk with him.
We have 3 year old twin boys who are really pushing us to our limits lately and putting a lot of stress on me throughout the day. Around 9:00pm each night, he will take over boy duty and let me have a quiet evening downstairs (I’m a night owl) and will deal with the boys till they are asleep, which is usually no later than 9:30/10:00. It might not look like much, but just knowing he will take care of them for that short time really gives me an opportunity to focus on myself. It’s how I am able to do this marriage challenge! 🙂
After 20 years of being an at home mom, I now am working as a receptionist in our city, so every day I travel to and from work with my husband, I work at thanking him for driving me to and from the train station as often as possible because it is important to let him know that even in the little things, he is appreciated.
After reading today’s challenge, I remembered how hard it was for me a few years ago to compliment my husband. I remember now that i didn’t do this in my own strenght and will, as God saw my decision to respect my husband and just pourred a new love for him (my husband) into my heart. That’s what i pray all of you who are going through this challenge receive from God: a new heart filled with a new love for your husbands, a love that has it’s roots in your relationship with God. I read this morning 1 Corinthians 13, and the words from verse 5 just jumped form the page “it (love) keeps no record of wrongs”. May we all reach a time in our marriages when we won’t keep track of the things we don’t like about eachother, but instead, focus on building each other up. A thought came through my mind this morning that verses 4-8 could also be a definition of God, as Gos is love: if He is patient and kind with us, then it must mean that he doesn’t keep a record of our wrongs. Why then do we keep a record of other peoples wrongs?
P.S. please forgive my spelling and grammar, but I am from Romania and I’ve learned English in school some time ago. God bless you all and give you strenght!
My husband is an amazing story teller. I have discovered today that I rarely compliment this, and it is an important part of him and how he relates to others. I usually find it irritating, waiting for him to get to the point, but really I would miss this about him if he ever stopped! He never misses the details or how people interact with one another in a story. Pretty special.
Texting is a great way to compliment my husband because he’s busy at work (and can read it when he gets a chance) and I don’t have much memory (so gotta do it when I think of it).
I’m blessed with a wonderful kind, patient man who loves our family immensely. As long as I focus on the positives I remember how good I have it. Thanks for the reminder not just to think about it, but to share it with him as well!
I totally related to the part about being apart and having wonderful thoughts about my husband, but then when he got home, what did I do? I complained about the kids, the schedule, my work, etc. I didn’t tell him thank you for all he does or compliment him on something. Definitely fuel for thought. I know I love him and appreciate him, but I need to let him know that verbally.
I also make a point of telling others, not bragging about it, but when the subject of husbands comes up, I do make a point of saying how grateful I am that he is great with our kids, he does A LOT of the house cleaning, he works hard to support us, etc.
My husband and I are currently in negotiations to buy a business and I am encouraging him by being willing to take a leap of faith with him in this matter. I need to tell him TONIGHT verbally that I can take this leap of faith because I believe in him! There are so many things that I want to tell him but I am afraid of opening myself to him. Part of me feels like I’m being weak by exposing myself to him when he has been mean to me, yelled at me, thrown things at me. I’m struggling with what to believe. Am I a good wife that is overlooking my husband’s negative things and just focusing on the positive things or am I an insecure woman that is too weak and/or dumb to get out of a relationship with someone that doesn’t know how to control their anger? People tell me that no one deserves to have things thrown at them. Please pray for me. I want to support him and believe that God will cause him to change but he has not yet given his heart to God. Can God work on someone that is not a Christian?
My husband is struggling in his relationship with God right now but he thoughtfully asked the elders to pray and lay hands on me before I had my surgery last fall. After surgery, my husband made me homemade chicken broth and made sure I took my meds and had everything I needed.
My husband works two jobs so that I can continue to be a SAHM. My husband is a great provider and loves his children. I met my husband when I was 22, and he still calls me pretty girl after16 years, 50 pounds and three children later.
Thanks for the challenge of thinking about my husband’s good qualities over the things that I’d like him to change. My hubby does have so many wonderful things that I love about him, but I believe that we let everyday life get in the way and we allow ourselves (in our case) to get so busy with the activities of a family and three busy teens that its just so easy to get impatient with one another. That is a bad habit that I am trying to break. I’m going right now to tell my husband what a great husband, father, and provider he truly is.
My husband has been working so hard at getting his youthful body back. I know he loves to hear me compliment his accomplishments. It’s totally awkward for me to give compliments to him but I’ve been trying really hard since I know it fills his cup. I can honestly say it’s been getting easier, a little, just have to keep doing it. =)
My husband made a HUGE sacrifice for me by moving where I have family and taking a job that he’s not thrilled about so that I can stay home with our girls. He has been applying, interviewing, and trying to get a different job, but I know he gets discouraged. I tell him and I pray that God will open someone’s heart to his hard work, helpfulness, resourcefulness, and cheerfulness. I know that if someone will give him a chance, they will not regret it!
My hubby is the bestest hubby and Daddy in the whole world! I know I don’t tell him that often enough. He is NOT big on breakfast, so I will have to come up with something else!! He usually goes fishing on Saturday mornings. I am preggers again and just feel SO tired all the time. I haven’t been cooking or cleaning as much, which I know he appreciates me doing. He willingly does housework alot and to that I am SO grateful! But, I get down on myself alot too for not doing as much as I should. I am working on that! Trying to move around and have some more energy for him!! Thx! 🙂
my husband doesnt think he is very intelligent, i try to tell him otherwise and encourage Him, He wants to take a test to get a contractors licence but says he isnt smart enough…i know better…he also is trying hard to change himself..he grew up not believing in God and I have been praying for a long time for God to call His heart to Him….I am so thankful for that…
My husband and I recently celebrated our 21st anniversary, and his gift to me was, and is, precious: he gave me a beautiful box filled with 365 pieces of paper, each with a reason he loves me, one for each day of the next year. My encouragement to him was to share this wonderful gift with my friends and family on FB. Not to brag, but to show that even after 21 years, even after nearly losing our marriage 5 years ago, even through the hurts, frustrations, and irks of 21 years, he is where my heart resides, and I treasure him greatly.