Marriage Challenge Day 8: PARDON ( & The Unburdened Heart book giveaway!)

A few years ago I went through a situation like no other, which I hope I never have to go through again.

I was involved in a leadership role capacity for a particular organization, and although I had prepared for the time and energy commitment, I was not at all prepared for the negativity, backlash, vindictiveness, and just plain meanness that ensued from a former leader.

Months went by, with each day bringing new challenges, new shock over how grown-ups were acting, and new frustrations over how my co-worker and I were being treated. The issue got to such an escalated level, which was completely out of my hands to control, that I began losing sleep, feeling anxious and upset, not eating well, and waking up every day with a feeling of dread about what troubles and anxiety the new day would bring.

On the very day that I found myself ready to break, an irritated woman yelled some seriously harsh words right into my face, and it was the straw that broke the camel’s back.  I was done. I quietly turned away, walked away, and broke down in tears…..for the next three hours! Obviously that was not a day when I woke up and put on my girl big panties, but even a big girl can get beaten down after a while.

The more it appeared that the situation would not improve, and the worse things got, my shock, hurt and frustration turned to anger.  As anger and resentment embedded themselves deeper and deeper into my heart, not only was my tolerance been shot, but my positive outlook and my hopeful spirit plunged downward.

The next day as I was in prayer, complaining and whining to God, yet again, about this most difficult and unfair situation, my heart became aware that God was speaking, saying, “Tracie, I have called you to forgive; the unforgiveness and bitterness you are holding in your heart, even though you were treated wrongly, is robbing you of the joy that is available through me. Lay it down, forget about it, just love me and I will take care of the rest.” 

But I didn’t want to forgive these people.  I didn’t like them. They weren’t nice. They didn’t deserve it. They were wrong. Forgive? No way.

But God wouldn’t let me off the hook. My mind soon drifted to the verses Roman 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11, as God prompted me to remember that (1) He had a purpose for my situation, even though I could not see it, did not understand it, and certainly did not like going through it; and (2) He had plans for me that were good, if I was willing to persevere and trust in Him, despite the hardship I was going through.

Because I had been drowning in self pity, anger and discouragement, I had lost sight of both of these holy promises. I hadn’t been able to even think of God’s potential plans or any good purpose that might come out of this whole mess because I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and stomped on.  But God’s whisper got louder and louder, and soon I gave in. I surrendered my hurt, laid the problem at His feet and washed my hands and heart of unforgiveness.

Then as if my spiritual eyes were suddenly opened, I became aware for the first time how long I had allowed this situation to drain the joy right out of me. For months I had allowed the actions of a few broken people to cause me to feel broken. I had allowed their hurtful words and actions to make me feel “less than”.  I had allowed them to steal my joy.

Yet the moment I deliberately chose to forgive – without any if’s, and’s or but’s – I kid you not when I say,  immediately, it was as if the weight was lifted, and the chokehold that Satan had wrapped around my heart fell limp.  I felt free.  I realized that I couldn’t change these people, but I could make sure they didn’t change me.

You see, I had to pardon the sins of these women, so that I could focus on the One who pardoned my own and allow Him to fill me with joy that could far outweigh a person’s hurtful words or actions. My heart eventually healed, and my joy did return. Obedience and forgiveness had set me free. I still had to complete my commitment to this position, but I could complete it with a new perspective and a joy that nobody could steal.

Looking back, I am surprised at myself for not seeing sooner what the poison of resentment and unforgiveness was doing to my heart. I now realize that because I was not willing to pardon the sins of others, I was giving them power over my life, my confidence, my self esteem. And nobody should have power over our life except for God.

This experience taught me a great lesson about forgiveness. We don’t forgive because we want to, or because the other person deserves it – but because we deserve to be free.

I cannot begin to tell you how hard it was to forgive that person and a few others who were involved, not just with my mouth, but with my heart.  It’s easy to speak words, but not as easy to follow through.  It was only through God that I was able to do that, because nothing in my soul wanted to. I accepted the realization that although I would never forget, I could always forgive.

Micah 7:18 says “Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.”

The meaning of that verse is simply this: God is God, and we are not.

We are not capable of forgiving, without His power dwelling within us. We cannot show mercy, without His compassion in our hearts. We can never have the desire to forgive, without His help and intervention in our hearts.  And we can never be free, until we unconditionally forgive.

It is hard to offer forgiveness to anyone who hurts us, but it seems especially hard to forgive a husband. Why? Because we love them. We married them. We committed to them. We may gave birth to their children. We had dreams that included them. We honored them. We trusted them.

So when a husband hurts our feelings in little ways, or betrays our trust in big ways, it cuts deeper than any other – but through forgiveness, the blow does not have to be fatal.

My sweet friend Suzie Eller said this in her recently released book, An Unburdened Heart:  “Forgiveness is an intentional act to let go of the burden and restrictions of bitterness, anger, rage or unresolved emotions connected to a person or event. It’s giving up the desire to punish. It’s letting go of anger. It’s getting out of the ‘debt collection’ business.” 

She also offers up profound advice on how we forgive when we don’t want to. Suzie stated that “To surrender is to offer God a willing heart. You don’t offer the issue, the other person, the obvious symptoms. You offer yourself.  You offer up your thoughts, your feelings and your woundedness to God and acknowledge that you can’t do it on your own.”

God brought His promises to pass in my life, and He strengthened my ability to forgive. He helped me to see the toll that unforgiveness can take on our spirits, our relationships with others and with Christ, not just with the one who hurt us. That difficult experience not only taught me a valuable lesson, but it prepared me to forgive in even the hardest of situations – marriage.  God had a plan for my life and my marriage, and learning that lesson then prepared me for things to come. He prepared my heart and spirit to be able to forgive my husband when needed, and to recognize the importance that forgiveness would hold for our future as a couple.

Forgiveness is hard, but without it, no marriage can survive. It may take days, weeks, even months, of seeking Gods strength to forgive before we can truly feel free, but eventually……God will heal, hearts will mend, painful memories will fade, and the door will be opened for Jesus to get to make Himself known and fulfill His promises in our lives.

When we empty ourselves of resentment and revenge, God will fill the gaping hole with love, mercy, and compassion, and we can take a huge leap towards rediscovering the joy and happiness that we all long for in life, and especially in marriage.

This is hard subject today, but a crucial one in this journey, so I want to close out today’s post with a prayer.

Dear Jesus, forgiving those who have hurt us sometimes seems impossible, especially when it comes to forgiving the person who we became one with at our wedding. How can we forgive when we are wounded? How can we trust when we have been hurt? How can we forget and move on?  How can we let go of little things that nag at our hearts day in and day out?  How can we move past unmet expectations?  You know our limitations and our weaknesses, and so we come to you today asking for the supernatural ability to forgive our spouses for whatever is causing friction in our hearts and tension in our marriage. Take away our hurts, lift the weights off of our hearts, wash our spirits clean, and help us awake tomorrow with a sense of freedom that we have never felt before.  Freedom that will allow us to take strides towards reconciliation, or to simply have the desire to trust You as our guiding light in marriage, as we continue to lean you on for strength.  Draw us closer together with our husbands, and convict their hearts to long for the same. For those whose marriages have ended or are in the stages of divorce, I plead with You Lord to fill these women’s hearts with the ability to forgive their husbands so that they can be spiritually free, even if life doesn’t turn out as they had hoped.  We want You to have power over our hearts Lord, and only You.

Lord, I ask that you make yourself seen and heard in the hearts of every woman participating in this challenge. Women who need to know you see them, their troubles, their deepest desires for a happy marriage. Women who need healing, hope and reassurance that they are valuable and loved.  Do what would seem impossible by the world’s perspective. Heal hearts, and heal marriages.  Reach the hearts of the husbands who don’t know You Lord. And help us all break free from the chains of unforgiveness once and for all.  Thank you for being the One we can always count on. We vow to trust in You Lord in even the hardest of situations.   In Jesus name, Amen.

Day 7 Challenge:  PARDON

Your challenge today is to pardon the sins of your husband. Consider the things your husband has done that may have hurt you or that have caused you to feel unforgiving. If you have never forgiven, ask God to help you do so. If you have uttered those words but still feel trapped in a storm of resentment, ask yourself if you have truly forgiven. Not with your words, but with your heart, soul and spirit.  Ask yourself if are you still carrying the weight of that hurt, and if you frequently recall the ways you have been hurt you or betrayed. Are you keeping a running record of wrongs, or you are striving to wipe the slate clean. Ask God for clarity as to whether or not you have truly let it go (whatever “it” is), and ask God to fill your heart with grace and mercy – and overwhelming joy.

If God impresses upon you that you are still holding on to unforgiveness, then bow at the feet of your King, and pray with all your heart. Ask God for the strength to forgive your husband. Not because he deserves it, or even because God tells us to do it, but because of the deadly toll that it has on our own hearts, and our marriages, in the long run.

Maybe your husband has deeply wounded your heart. Maybe he has betrayed you. Maybe he has been unfaithful. Maybe he has an addiction that seems hopeless to overcome. Maybe he has just been too busy for you and your family.  Maybe you just need to forgive your husband for little things, or recent words spoken in anger. But regardless of whether the thorn is big or small, forgiveness is the first step towards reconciliation, restoration, and rekindled love.

Life is too short to give anyone, or any situation, permission to steal our joy.  And God is too good to let that happen.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

unburdened

I am so excited about today’s giveaway which is a copy of Suzie Eller’s newly released book The Unburdened Heart.  This is a powerful book which offers life changing advice and biblical answers about forgiveness. I endorsed Suzie’s book, because I believe in it, and once you read it, you will too.
To enter to win Suzie’s book, leave a comment stating your commitment to forgive your husband and invite God to fill your empty spaces with His peace, joy and freedom.  Winner announced on Monday March 25th here on my blog.
You don’t need to leave specifics, unless you so desire. Simply write a commitment to God that you trust in His promises, and that you will cling to your faith while waiting for God to help you find the grace and strength to forgive.
If you receiving this post and wish to enter a comment and enter to win, please CLICK HERE.

113 Comments

  1. Christine on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 7:35 am

    I jumped into your study in the middle and really needed to hear today’s message. I’ve been living with a lot of un-forgiveness that seems impossible to ever let go of. I can see how holding onto to things has torn my own life apart inside and out. I know that forgiveness is possible through the strength and power of God and His word, I just get so discouraged every time I try. But today I make the decision once again to forgive, and to continue in prayer until I’ve really let go. Thank you.



  2. Christy R. on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 7:50 am

    I know that sometimes we don’t even realize that there is unforgiveness festering inside of us. I will pray to God everyday to cleanse my heart of any negative/unforgiving thoughts towards my husband/marriage. This challenge has been so inspiring and such an eye opener for me! Thank you Tracie! God is good all the time!!!



  3. Jennifer on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 7:50 am

    Thank you for the reminder of the importance of forgiveness in any realtionship and that the ability to truly forgive can only come from God.



  4. Tracy on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 7:52 am

    Thank you. I can forgive through my Christ. He is bigger than all of my regrets and hurts. And He loves my husband and me; He created us and blesses our marriage as we strive to become more like Jesus. Thank you, Father, for your gift of forgiveness.



  5. Jennie on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 7:53 am

    When I learned to put God first and rely on His love and grace it is so much easier to be forgiving. Sometimes it is a struggle to let go. Thank you for this posting and sharing.



  6. Petronella on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 8:20 am

    God I commit to forgive my husband and to trust you in your promises and that I will cling to my faith while waiting for you LORD to help me find the grace and strength to forgive. God, please fill all the empty spaces in me with your peace, joy and freedom. God, in Jesus name, I ask for the grace to be still and know that you are God.



  7. Sandy I on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 8:24 am

    Thank you for this reminder. Forgiveness and letting go can be so difficult sometimes. I need to remember that God is bigger than all of my hurts and sadness and that he’s got all of this under control.



  8. Katrina on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 8:26 am

    Dear Lord, please remove the memories of the hurts my husband has caused. Help me not to plant a bitter root, but to plant love and forgiveness. You love my husband more than me, and I know you have great plans for our marriage.



  9. Kim on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 8:33 am

    “I give GRACE because I so desperately need it”
    Lysa Tuerkeurst



  10. Katie on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 8:40 am

    God is at work in my marriage. I see it everyday! Thank you Lord for allowing me to see this marriage challenge and accept that I need to change, not just my husband. The past few days I have seen how the way I act toward my husband is not always as wonderful as I think it is. Not only do I pray that I am able to forgive and let go, but that my husband can forgive me for all the little things I do. Please Lord bring peace to the marriages that don;t know that they need it!



  11. Nakia on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 9:08 am

    Today’s post really touched me. It was as if you were speaking to me. I have said the words that I forgive my husband with my mouth but I realize that my heart is still hardened and it effects how I relate to my husband, something that states often. Sometimes I feel that me continuing to be with him is all that he deserves. But I recognize that I deserve happiness and so does he. I know that God can do the impossible, He has shown me this in our marriage numerous times, I just don’t know why I continue to hold on to this. I am committed to let this go. I have carried around an unforgiving heart for way too long.



  12. Keri W. on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 9:09 am

    This was just what I needed. I have said the words, over and over and tried to convince myself that I have forgiven. I know that I have not… The memories or the cruel words he said to me during his affair are constantly in my mind. I have not let go of the hurt. I am terrified of being hurt again and I don’t want to endure that pain again. I don’t want my boys to endure that pain again. I desprately pray Lord for complete forgiveness. I want to forgive completely with every bit of my heart and soul. My hurt is stealing my joy and keeping me from being as close as I want to be to You. I love you Lord!! I thank you for all the hurt and tears because it has revealed how much I need you and need to trust you in my life in ALL areas. Thank you for this challenge and thank you for the women taking this challenge. They are a blessing. Thank you for Tracie and the way you are using her to help us know the plans you have for our marriages.



  13. Sue on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 9:12 am

    God is truely working on my marriage everyday. He knows my heart to forgive. He has given me a wonderful husband. A few days after we married, my husband told me that he only married me for the kids. He was not physically attracted to me. So much has changed since then, but the pain of always feeling inadequate and unneccessary always creeps up. I don’t feel like I haven’t forgiven him because I am doing everything I can to be the Proverbs 31 wife. These feelings don’t come from how he treats me because I can see God at work in him and he is doing everything that a husband should. Most of the time, he doesn’t see how much I hurt, because I won’t let him. Sometimes I can’t hold it in, and he sees only a little bit. I love him and there is no bitterness. I just want to let these feelings go. I pray to Christ often and am on my knees alot. The more I do, the less often those feelings come back. Praise God for that!!



  14. Mary Helman on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 9:23 am

    I also jumped in the middle and have been astounded at the wisdom in the words and the comfort. My marriage has been struggling almost since the day it started and there has been many battles. But I am seeking the Lord, and know that if I remain faithful and obedient that he will bring him self Glory through our marriage and I believe that he can heal our hurts and soften my husbands heart towards him and repair our marriage.



  15. Laura on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 9:27 am

    I do trust in God’s promises for He is faithful & true. I commit to forgiving my husband for all transgressions, big & small & know I am powerless to do it on my own. My husband is a wonderful man, but human like me & I ask for Your help Jesus each day. Thank you!



  16. Kim on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 9:29 am

    I have had personal experience in the joy that can come through forgiving. My experience has shown me that I must repent of whatever I have done wrong, especially the wrongs I don’t see. When I am humble enough to ask another’s forgiveness, then I am humble enough to forgive. I don’t have to suffer for those things Christ has already suffered for. In these times I don’t allow bad feelings to steal the Joy I want and need in my life. This is particularly difficult for me and I have not mastered the ability to remember Christ every time I need His help, but I know it is Christ that provides all hope in despair, loneliness and darkness that comes into my life. Tracie-Thank you for the reminder!



  17. Alicia on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 9:29 am

    I read today’s challenge and just sat here at my desk crying. I just got married about 7 months ago and a month into my marriage my husband started changing and picked up a lot of bad habits once again (smoking, drinking a lot, and just being mad and cussing all the time). For the last 6 months my feelings for him have changed and because I was not in love with him to begin with I am now torn on what to do. I do feel that I have forgiven him but I now feel like we are better off as just friends rather than being married. I have already spoken to him about maybe divorcing and he says that if it what I want then he will do it. I feel that if there was more passion and love in our marriage then we could make it but without it i just don’t know. I am in such despair right now and I pray everyday for things to get better. I have put my trust in God and I know He can do anything. I just sometimes wonder if this was a marriage that we made instead of God.



    • My3kidsjoy on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 10:36 am

      I’ve been in your shoes. Please, please, please go to rejoiceministries.com. I know it’s hard to consider in the place you are in right now but now being divorced, I wish I had known this. I could’ve saved a lot of heartache. Trusting God means letting him repair your marriage now. He can do ALL things inlcuding turning your husband’s heart around. Love to you in Jesus’ name!



  18. Joy R. on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 9:33 am

    I try to forgive my husband on a daily basis but some days are obviously harder than others. I would like to be more like our 12 year old daughter. She says that she just can’t hold grudges and stay mad at anybody, which is definitely true. I have seen her forgive in a heartbeat!



  19. Laurie on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 9:33 am

    I am facing a big thorn in my marriage. I make the commitment to forgive my husband and invite God to fill my empty spaces with His peace, joy and freedom.



  20. Lissa on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 9:41 am

    This post really hit home for me. i do have a hard time with forgiveness in all areas of my life. it just seems that when i forgive and attempt to move on these folks continue to do things that take me back to a place of unforgiveness!! not sure if i’m really forgiving them or just putting it out of my mind! Maybe that is what the issue is. In regards to my husband it takes much longer to forgive him than it does to forgive others. This message came at an opportune time when i’m really struggling to forgive someone(not my hubby) Thanks for praying for us! I will purpose today to commit to allow God to help me truly forgive regardless of how long it takes.



  21. KD on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 9:44 am

    It is often difficult to forgive. More difficult to forgive when one is ‘in the thick’ of the hurt. That is where I find myself – drowning on the consequences of his sin that swirls around me . My head tells me I must forgive, my heart desires to forgive and just when I surrender to forgive I get swept away with another wave of the consequences washing over me. I know that we are in the count down of days. Time is of the essence. I commit to seek God’s forgiveness and His grace and strength to forgive my spouse – with a forgiveness that will not wash away when the next wave hits – and believe me, I see that wave forming.



  22. Charity on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 9:57 am

    I am challenged today to not only choose to love my husband unconditionally, but forgive unconditionally. I still find myself replaying moments of hurt that my husband has done, and going back to that place. today, I gave it to God and I know He is faithful and is my Healer. I choose unconditional forgiveness and joy today through the power of Christ! Thank you for being bold in your post today, God knows I needed it.



  23. Kelley on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 10:01 am

    I accepted the challenge to really dig in and work on my marriage from my end and the more I pour into it the more I feel the past unforgiveness slipping away. Thank you for your willingness to help others. Bless you!!



  24. Sadie on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 10:08 am

    Thank you Tracie for this powerful message on forgiveness.
    There have been many times where I have said the words, “I forgive you” but then still continue to cling onto the hurt and pain that has been caused.
    My prayer today is that God will be with me, and fill me with the peace, joy and freedom that only he can provide. I pray that He will give me the strength to truly forgive when I have been wronged.



  25. Karen on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 10:12 am

    This challenge couldn’t have come at a better time. As I’ve read each day’s post, I’ve thought to myself, “This is exactly what I’m dealing with right now! It’s like Tracie, reading the story of my life and our marriage!” God’s been showing me that I need to be leaning on Him, instead of trying to “fix” my marriage, and to accept the life He’s given us. My husband may never change, but that doesn’t mean our marriage is over. It means God’s wanting to use me in the places that lack, and that He is more than sufficient and able to meet our needs and the desires of our hearts. I’m anticipating forgiveness to be an ongoing process for me, and my commitment to God at this moment is to take one issue at a time, one feeling at a time, one step of forgiveness in front of another.



  26. Lori on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 10:23 am

    I commit to God that I trust in His promises, and that I will cling to His faith while waiting for God to help me find the grace and strength to forgive not only my husband but others in my life against whom I am resentful or unforgiving. Sometimes I feel like I have steel bars wrapped around my heart, and I am asking (actually begging) God to dissolve the bars, soften my heart, and help me to live in Him.



  27. Apryl on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 10:24 am

    Thank you for this post – I try daily to forgive my husband and it is always trying. I trust in God to help me forgive him for things in the past that I still cling to in my heart at times and in the future for any troubles that we may face. Forgiveness is never easy but always important, I will strive to let God take over.



  28. Michaela on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 10:25 am

    Seventy times seven is how many times Jesus said to forgive. I am committed to this challenge. I will forgive my husband as many times as I need to because The Lord forgives me more. Sometimes the memories of the past want to overwhelm me but we cannot move forward if I keep bringing them up. The quicker I let go and refuse to let my mind take over with thoughts that are not good and true the longer we will continue to relive the past. My sisters in Christ I know that sometimes the situation you are in seems so overwhelming you think you might drown in it. But remember that ALL things work together for good for those thag love him and are called according to His purpose. And every yeah brings a testimony. You are loved and never forgotten or alone. The Lord is right there with you every step of the way. As hard and difficult as it might be right now try thanking God for the outcome of your trial for if you let Him work the outcome no matter what will bring fruit. Pray for others that Gid would strengthen their marriages. Rejoice always, pray continually and be thankful in all circumstances.



  29. My3kidsjoy on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 10:26 am

    I promise to forgive him of the hurts and disappointment and to see him as Jesus sees him….a work in progress but Christ living in him. I promise to focus on the good and positive in him and rejoice in each day the Lord has made.



  30. Sabrina on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 10:36 am

    I cried as a read your blog and the prayer that followed it. I too passed through a difficult siruation when I was a teenager and through that God taught me to truly forgive. Now I amheart broken by my husband actions and I forgive him daily and leave him to God to help him truly forgive also because his lack to forgive and his lack of looking for forgiveness are filling him with resentment anger and vengeance against me.



  31. Jenny on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 10:40 am

    I just had a conversation with a young co-worker who is about to get married. She is upset with her fiance and we talked about forgiveness. I just sent your blog to her and am thinking about an early morning Bible study using Suzie’s book. Thank you for sharing. I will continue to offer myself to God instead of offering up issues and others. My toes are stepped upon this morning! Praying without ceasing…Grateful for your blog.



  32. Heidi on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 10:44 am

    Dear Lord,
    I hear you and know that forgiveness is the first step towards reaching joy, peace, and oneness with my spouse. Thank you for first forgiving us and help me to always forgive my husband as you have forgiven.
    Amen



  33. Diane on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 10:57 am

    This is a hard week for me. I want to forgive past hurts and pray for God to change my heart and thinking. In order to forgive fully; our hearts must be on the same page. I have found myself in situations where I have forgiven my husband but when something new happens the old hurts stumble to the forefront and the new situation becomes magnified. I think, I thought I had forgiven that action and moved forward; guess I didn’t. I really try to turn off my brain but I can’t ever seem to forget the things I’ve forgiven. This is a hard realization. I don’t even know what to do with this…



  34. Jeni on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 10:57 am

    Tracie, boy do I need help with this one. I don’t carry any resentment towards my husband. I have completley let go of my hurt and it is wonderful. My problem is my ex-husband. I have prayed for years to be able to forgive the countless things he has done to me. I am faced with his wrath on a daily basis and it has affected my marriage now and my kids. In fact, it consumes almost all of who I am. Just when I think I have gotten past something he has done, I get hit with another. It is a viscious cycle and my hatred of him has a strong grip on me.

    I realized more today that I cannot forgive him without God’s help. I don’t even know how to begin. How can I when I am constantly faced with it. Help me God forgive him–truley forgive and let it go–everytime he hurts me.



  35. Maria on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 11:01 am

    This really hits home for me….forgiveness is something I have long struggled with towards people who have wronged me. I never really put it in the context of marriage before and now realize that this could be a HUGE help in restoring my marriage. I was recently walking through the bookstore and God called me towards this book called the Bait of Satan…a book all about holding offenses and unforgiveness…seems like this is something He is continually calling to my attention. Thanks for sharing this today…I obviously needed it!



  36. Amy on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 11:03 am

    This message really hit home for me because forgiveness is something I’ve been unable to do with a situation between my husband and me. I have prayed a lot over our issues, but know I have far to go still, and pray God will continue to guide us both through our struggles.



  37. Sandy on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 11:18 am

    I have never in my life felt as lonely as I have in the past few days. I kept blaming it on my husband and the fact that he seems so distant – wrapped up in his work, always doing something on his phone, etc. I never once thought my loneliness was due to the fact that I have pushed myself away from my husband with my unforgiveness. It never occurred to me that I needed to forgive him. Just this morning I had prayed for help from God because I simply can’t take it any more. Your challenge came at the right time and as an answer to my prayer. Thank you! Dear Lord, help me today and every day going forward to forgive my husband and please continue to work on my heart. In Jesus name, Amen.



  38. Momof3 on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 11:29 am

    Tracie–Thank you for this challenge. This day hit me over the head like a hammer. I am in this position right now with my husband. For many years there have been some issues with intimacy and by issues with I mean no intimacy. We are still young, vibrant healthy I didn’t understand what the problem was. Any time I approached the issue I was told that there was something wrong with me. This got to the point of extreme discouragement then turned to depression for me about a year ago, I visited my doctor who in turn prescribed medication. All I did was cry all the time. My mother comitted suicide before I was 2 due to depression and although I was reluctant to take medication, I started the treatement thinking of my children. This in itself caused another wedge to form between us as he could not understand why I was sad all the time and had to take medication. We are blessed, family, home, work, church–why was I so sad. My taking medicine gave more ammunition. About a month ago God opened a door for me to again pour out my heart. Again, it was me and he confessed some very ugly feelings that attacked my self esteem/image not only as a wife but as a woman. These feelings had been going on for some time for him which made it all the worse because any intimate time we had mustered up was out of guilt on his part. Although I am glad that he finally shared his feelings with me, at the same time it makes me angry at him for having these feelings. For not turning to me, his wife for his answers, for just turning off that emotion to me and not giving me the opportunity to try to understand, to try and help. Over the last several years, I have built up alot of bitterness toward him due to this. A few weeks ago, we had the opportunity to get away with some other christian couples for a retreat of sorts. We learned some tools to help us communicate, Although things were nice for a couple of weeks, things are falling back to where we were emotionally. I have explained to him how his words hurt me and he still doesn’t understand. There is also a medication issue that he has, this causes alot of problems for us, but there again it is my problem. I love him so much and am working hard to understand and forgive him. I pray daily, sometimes all day, for him to overcome these issues as well as for my patience, understanding, support and unconditional love to help him overcome. Each day of this challenge, I am reading and praying about the challenge for the day, then going back to read the previous days again. I do this morning and night, I want to be the best wife I can be. I do not want to be the quarrelsome wife but am having trouble giving it completely to God. I keep taking it back which gives the devil a foothold to creep in with his deception, then hear come the tears and disappointment. Please pray with me to forgive and release these issues to Him.



  39. Jacquie on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 11:32 am

    Thank you for your message on forgiveness. It truly spoke volumes to me today.
    This really hit home, and I’m left wondering if I have truly forgiven or if I am fooling myself into thinking that I have for the sake of being a good Christian women. Its now time to pray!!
    Thank you.



  40. Kelsey on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 11:32 am

    Thank you so much for such a wonderful, convicting message. As I read this I started to think “I don’t have anything to forgive. I’m doing good.” And then like usual I felt the little God nudge that said, “What about this and this and oh yeah that too.” While I might have said the words, there seems to be a lot of hurt my heart is holding on to. I commit to trusting God by letting go of my resentment and pain to truly forgive! My husband is a wonderful man whose goodness greatly outweighs his faults. I need to forgive his mistakes just as I hope he forgives mine.



  41. Gina K on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 11:32 am

    Thank you for these words. Thank you for this giveaway. Unfirgiveness & bitterness seem to be legacies in our family that I commit today. Here and now. With all my heart and soul. To stop in my family



  42. Cassandra on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 11:33 am

    I choose to forgive my husband.



  43. Jane on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 11:42 am

    Thank you for your message. Though I’ve spoken words of forgiveness; my heart, spirit, and soul were still being haunted by wrongs. I pray God in His power will give me power to forgive and then give that power to my husband to forgive me for the wrongs I’ve committed as well. To God be the glory for what He is doing through your messages and through the changing of our hearts. I pray for all marriages to be restored to God’s design.



  44. Leslie S on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 11:43 am

    I need to forgive, not only my husband for the perceived “wrongs” I feel he has committed, but every other man in my past that has hurt me. I often find myself taking these past hurts out on my husband. While he hasn’t committed adultery, had an addiction, or lied to me, he often pays for all of the wrongs committed by men in my past. I always say “Let Go and Let God”, but today, I truly need to let go of all the pain and bitterness in my past.



  45. Vicki on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 11:44 am

    Today I’m committing to forgiving my husband for some of the things he’s done in the past which aren’t bad, they were just hurtful. I know this other person doesn’t have anything to do with my marriage, but I need to forgive him. My uncle is a pastor and my aunt (my moms sister) was the perfect pastors wife. 3 years and 3 days ago she took her own life and I have never forgiven my uncle for what I feel is not trying hard enough. Since we just hit her anniversary death date, she’s been fresh on my mind and I’ve been praying hard to have the ability to forgive. Forgive both my uncle & my aunt. I just talked to a friend on Tuesday that encouraged me to just pray for forgiveness towards them. Since I haven’t forgiven them, I believe that it has interfered with my marriage, because they were the married couple I looked up to, that I wanted to be like. So today I’m going to get down on my knees and pray to God that I forgive both of them! I know without a doubt that my aunt is in a much better place, then she was here on earth. It hurts me to be so angry with my uncle when they both have loved me unconditionally all my life. Thank you for writing Pardon!



  46. RUTHONA WASINGER on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 11:47 am

    HOLY GOD, THANK YOU FOR THE MERCY, GRACE, AND FORGIVENESS THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN TO ME . PLEASE ENABLE ME TO GIVE THAT SAME MERCY, GRACE, AND FORGIVENESS TO MY HUSBAND AND TO ALL OTHERS WHO HAVE WOUNDED
    MY HEART AND SPIRIT, WHO HAVE WOUNDED MY SON’S HEART AND SPIRIT.
    PLEASE HEAL US SO THAT WE CAN FEEL THE JOY THAT YOU WANT US TO FEEL.I ALSO ASK THAT YOU HEAL MY HUSBAND’S HEART AND SPIRIT OF HIS WOUNDS.HELP HIM TO LAY HIS ANGER AT YOUR FEET, AND HELP HIM TO BE
    WILLING TO SEEK YOUR HEALING. I ASK ALL THIS IN JESUS NAME, AMEN.



  47. Steve on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 11:49 am

    I have committed myself before God to forgive my wife. Since I’ve done that, our marriage has improved (praise God). We no longer seem on a collision course with divorce. There are times though when she will do things, say things, or fail to do or say things which bring back the old hurt. Not the full extent of the original pain, but its like picking at or pulling off a scab.

    In addition to committing to forgiveness, I ask God to set my heart on fire with a desire to know Him and His word. I’m finding th closer I stay to Him, the less work this forgiveness thing is.

    God bless you Tracie and he rest of your friends with proverbs31.org! You are lifting up your brother and sisters in Christ.

    Thank You,
    Steve



  48. Patience on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 11:58 am

    Father , help me each day to be a forgiving wife .



  49. Newly Wed on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 12:05 pm

    My prayer is that when I am wounded by my belove’s words that I will find the strength to tell him “I forgive you for saying that.” My prayer is that God will help me set aside my pride and step up to apologize regardless if I “feel” I was the one at fault.



  50. amber on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 12:06 pm

    Thanks Tracie for this post. Forgiveness is often a tough subject. We have to commit to pluck it up by the roots. If we don’t bitterness and other negative feelings creep in. Over a period of time, they will manifest themselves. I sometimes struggle with the surface forgiveness. I am praying for God to help me release all my hurts at the roots and to help me start fresh.



  51. Jen H. on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 12:07 pm

    Heavenly Father, I know I’ve needed to forgive and I have tried, but I’ve been trying to do it my way with conditions and trying to maintain control with my husband. It’s not working and it never will work unless I fully forgive him and ask your forgiveness in my own heart. Please help me Lord to forgive my husband completely and every single time no matter what has happened and will happen. I choose to trust in your promises. I choose to trust you with my marriage and husband. I choose to wait in faith for you to work in me, my heart and my life and also that of my husbands. Please grant me the grace and strength to forgive. Thank you Lord for pursing me in the ways that I need and for forgiving me. May I lean on you during this difficult time in my life and my marriage.
    In Jesus name, Amen



  52. Jessica on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 12:20 pm

    Lord, please help me REALLY forgive all of my husband’s imperfections and mistakes. Heal all my wounds so I can trust my husband again. I say I have forgiven but I still remember the past and the hurts and I keep bringing them to the present. Please help me to REALLY forgive.



  53. Elaine Segstro on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 12:36 pm

    This spoke to me especially today. I was feeling sorry for myself because I have a sore throat. My husband left for work; we had the usual morning routine. When he left, I thought I was mad at him. I was trying to make myself feel good by playing over in my mind what he did to hurt me. He did nothing at all!! I am blessed with “my man” (as Beth Moore would put it). He’s not perfect, and I’m certainly NOT. He loves me with words and actions. Lord, please free me from bitterness and self-centeredness. And please help my sore throat to get better too 🙂



  54. Linda A on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 2:08 pm

    Thank you so much for this today Tracie. The time I saw my husband we both said some very horrible things, we both hurt one another. I know it hurt me deeply and I’m sure what I said hurt him also, judging by his reaction of removing his wedding ring and getting rid of it. I have copied and pasted the prayer you posted and changed all the we/ours to me/my and I will be praying this daily. Thank you again so very much.



  55. Kristy on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 2:23 pm

    I am making a commitment today to forgive my husband of past and current hurtful things he has said to me. It is not helping me to dwell on these hurtful things as it is only causing me resentment. I trust in God,s promises and will hold fast while praying to forgive and once and for all turn the hurt over to God.



  56. Kim on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 2:28 pm

    I just started reading the marriage challenge today. I began by reading back to the beginning, each one touching my heart in some way. Until today’s. I sit here, tears running down my cheeks, sobbing as I realize the burden that my heart carries and the effect it is having on me emotionally and physically. I thought I had forgiven my husband but found in reading today that I truly have not. I have spoken the words I forgive, but they have come from my mouth not my heart. I have not let go of the pain, anger. I feel it in my soul. I am trapped in these feelings. I am heavily burdened and can not seem to let go. I ask for prayer today as I come to this realization and turn to God. I pray that God will heal my broken heart and show me how to truly forgive those who have hurt me so that I can once again feel joy.



  57. Kim Heredia on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 2:46 pm

    This is a powerful message & so neccessary moving forward in life.



  58. Cathy B :) on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 2:55 pm

    This message really hit home for me because forgiveness is something I’ve been struggling with with my husbands infidelity and prescription medication addiction. I have prayed that god would help him with his addiction and help with our marriage but I failed to ask for help to forgive him. I pray that god will show me how to forgive my husband and move forward instead of being stuck in the past. Thank you for this powerful message.



  59. Katy on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 2:57 pm

    I commit to trusting in God’s grace and strength to always help me forgive my husband – even and especially for the little things. I pray that God would reward this with peace, joy, and freedom.



  60. Michelle on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 3:19 pm

    Today I’m praying for help forgive my husband from any past things and for help forgiving in the future also. My God is great and can help me let go 🙂



  61. Cindy W. on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 3:53 pm

    I am making a commitment to God today, to forgive many persons in my life, not just my husband. Forgiveness can really be hard a thing to do, but I commit to working this out with God and letting him handle all the details. 🙂



  62. Kim on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 3:57 pm

    My husband is emotionally unfaithful. I have forgiven him as I understand it began because of my emotional disconnect. He is not remorseful but as I see and love him through the eyes of Christ through my transformed heart I pray for his salvatio and our restoration. I cannot be angry at him for his unforgiveness. The Lord needs to tranaform his hear from a heart of stone to a heart of flesh.



  63. Brave on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 4:40 pm

    Here arе the key words: “…invite God to fill your empty spaces with His peace, joy and freedom”.



  64. Tracy H on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 4:43 pm

    I am trying to forgive my husband… even if he don’t deserve it, because Jesus forgave me, and I know i didnt deserve it! thank you for today’s post!



  65. Lisa on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 5:19 pm

    I am trying to forgive my husband for years of deception and substance abuse. I have forgiven him many times in the past but this time it has severe legal ramifications. I am watching for changes. There are some, more than before. But I do find it difficult to move forward and to trust again.



  66. Sharon P on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 5:43 pm

    I have such a Godly man for a husband, I am so blessed and I really don’t deserve the goodness that he provides for me and our family. In saying that, I tend to still fault him for things that aren’t even that big of a deal and I am always asking for forgiveness for it. I am so blessed with an amazing husband and I thank God every day for him!



  67. Bethany on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 5:54 pm

    Wow, this really hit me b/c I’ve “said” I’ve forgiven my husband (& others) for hurts I’ve gotten from their words or actions but as this says, I haven’t with my heart, soul & spirit & this clears it up as to why I still have that resentment. I guess I need to get on my knees & ask God for help in doing this so I can be free. Thank you!



  68. Elaina on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 5:56 pm

    Everyday is a challenge to not hold expectations over my husband, children, and other loved ones. I believe I may often not realize that I’m holding onto unforgiveness for not meeting the unfair expectations I subconsciously place on my husband, and commit to more actively search my heart and seek the Lord’s strength to truly forgive and let these things go for good.



  69. Charlotte L. on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 6:29 pm

    I commit to letting go of any past hurts and unforgiveness that may still linger in my heart. I want God to be the only one to control my heart and my life. Lord, help me to wipe my heart clean and be free from any past hurts. Renew and restore Lord.



  70. Anne on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 6:38 pm

    My husband is an alcoholic and I have been struggling with making a decision on whether or not to leave the marriage. (Not an easy decision after almost 28 yrs of marriage.) Your words today took my breath away. You were speaking about me. My joy is gone and I walk around in a fog of anger and resentment. I am worn and tired. There is no fight left in me. I struggle with leaving but have I even thought about forgiving? No…at least not until now. Your prayer gave me peace and now I know that’s what I need to do first, forgive. But, it feels so foreign so I must also pray that my heart is softened and my mind opened to even the idea of forgiving. Thank you for sharing your words today! God bless you and the amazing gift you’ve been given!!



  71. Lindy Lou on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 6:57 pm

    I have been struggling with this issue for almost a year now. I feel that I have honestly forgiven one week then the next I am back to letting it eat at me again. I will continue to pray for this myself. I choose to believe that with all of us praying that prayer God will hear and help each of us over come our unforgiveness. THank you Tracie, you are truely a blessing.



  72. Maria on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 6:58 pm

    I am constantly finding myself making a list of all the projects that are unfinished around the house and what my husband promised to build for me and others that have not been built after years and years of waiting. I feel like these unfinished projects are broken promises. I need to let go of that and focus on what he is trying to do instead. I know these projects weigh heavily on his heart also, so perhaps I need to find a better way of thinking about them.



  73. Jen on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 7:37 pm

    I commit to asking God to change my heart and open it to forgiveness…towards my husband but also towards my father. What a relief it will be to forgive after so many years. I feel lighter already! 🙂



  74. Joshua's mom on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 7:39 pm

    Forgivness is like a breath of fresh air….my family could use this!



  75. brittany jacobson on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 7:40 pm

    I had a situation like yours i opend my home up for a small group and we met at my house and there was alot of growth in the bible study until one day one of the members wanted us to meet at her house for the study and she kept pushing the issue well her parents were both muslim so being christian and walking into someones home like that a sense of darkness came over me. and something went down that day that all never forget. this group member tore me apart with her this meeting was all about telling me how much she didnt like me i was devested all the group members broke up all the friendships are dead and its hard to fix them again and i blame this person for what happend



  76. Liz Arnold on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 7:52 pm

    This is one I needed (as are they all). I am surrendering to God to heal those hurt places in my heart caused by my husband’s unfaithfulness. I know I have to forgive, but it is easier said than done. My commitment is to pardon my husband completely. I release it, so that I can be free!



  77. Tricia on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 8:00 pm

    I really appreciate this post. I have got to forgive my mother-in-law. The bitterness is ruining my life and I’m afraid it’s going to put a strain on our marriage.



  78. Rose on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 8:25 pm

    Even more than forgiving is accepting him for who he is and learn to appreciate all of him!!!



  79. Danielle on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 8:39 pm

    I can identify with the crazy work situations. I need to do a log of forgiving tonight of co-workers, friends, family, my spouse, and myself. It’s time walk in the joy and freedom of the Lord. It’s time to release the heaviness of my heart through forgiveness. God, I’m depending on you to help me to forgive and forget.



  80. Joyce on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 9:17 pm

    I have been dealing with these very issues of unforgiveness and not being thin skinned.
    Thanks.



  81. Christina on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 9:41 pm

    I pray for you to help me forgive my husband Lord. I have tried so hard at our marriage. I’ve forgiven past hurts, but it feels like he just thinks he can keep on doing it. This past week I’ve found texts from another girl and just now her pictures in his phone. He tells me I am going insane, crazy, I’m makimg this up in my head (all stuff he has said in the past as well), and I know it’s real, even before I found the pics. In the past it’s been he talks to other girls to make himself feel “normal” as he said, it boosts his ego. He knows this hurts me, I broke down crying my eyes out last night cuz I know he is lying directly to my face and it is as if there is no remorse about it, and he’s still telling me there is no one else. I dont know what to do about this anymore, it is killing me inside!! I keep forgiving but it keeps happening. I dont want to give up on our marriage, for us or our daughter. An w/ his work hrs, counseling isnt really an option…if he would even go. Lord, I’ve told you beforebut again I surrender our marriage to you, it is in your almighty hands.



    • Jaime on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 9:58 pm

      Let me say that YOU should to find a reputable Christian counselor whether he will go or not. You need to go for you and your daughter. This reads exactly like a situation I am walking thru right now with one of my oldest friends. While you need to forgive him, you also need someone to help you process all of this. I will be praying for your family:)



    • tmiles on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 11:57 pm

      Christine – I also agree with Jaime. First let me say Im so sorry for what you are going through. I know the hurt runs so painfully deep, especially when it is a pattern that continues. God does want us to forgive and work on our marriages, but there also comes a time when you have to do what is best for you and your child, and continue to pray that your husbands heart will be convicted and recognize that this behavior is unacceptable for a husband, and not something you should feel forced to accept. I would definitely encourage you to seek out professional christian counseling or pastoral advice regarding this situation, to help you process your emotions, thoughts and plans, and to pray with you and for you about the best way to handle this situation. Praying for you friend, and so admire your amazing heart.



    • Steve on Friday, March 22, 2013 at 3:49 pm

      For Christine-

      I can’t say I know exactly what you are feeling, but I’ve longed to feel loved by my spouse in the face of her unloving behavior. Please know you are chosen. You are God’s beloved. The creator of the universe loves you as if you were his one and only child. If you let yourself be filled with God’s love everyday, you will be able to love others more freely even while your spouse is not in relationship with God and/or being the man you deserve.

      God Bless You!



  82. Robin on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 9:47 pm

    I choose to forgive my husband. I will pray about all of the areas where I am harboring unforgiveness.



  83. Vickie on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 9:49 pm

    This book would be a great help to our marriage right now. We are being challenged with many issues and one of the hardest is total forgiveness. We just can’t seem to move past it in order to restore our marriage. Hopefully this book would be a blessing and just what we need to finally give it over to God and to begin again!



  84. Jaime on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 9:53 pm

    This was such a blessing to read today. I needed the reminder in regards to my husband, who although a great guy in many ways, can often be selfish and cold to me. I don’t understand where this comes from, in fact I have gone out of my way to work on me and put it to the Lord for answers. Bottom line: I still need to forgive, each and every time. In addition, my husband came home in a rage last night over a work issue with a supervisor. He was so angry and unpleasant I didn’t even want to be around him, which I forgave him for. I also passed along quite a bit of today’s posting here as a suggestion to his problem at work. He listened, and it made a huge difference in his attitude AND in the issue at work!



  85. Rebecca on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 10:14 pm

    Each time I sink into self-pity due to my husband’s actions, I will pray for God’s help in allowing me to truely forgive, so I can focus on the positive and find peace regardless of earthly circumstance. .



  86. Abi on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 10:32 pm

    I am going to forgive my husband for the past, the present and the future. Hard but just like you said possible with God’s help. Love the prayer you did!!!



  87. Teresa on Friday, March 22, 2013 at 12:33 am

    I pray for God’s help in forgiving my husband. I also pray that he can do the same.



  88. Prema on Friday, March 22, 2013 at 1:42 am

    God helps me forgive the hurt and the pain and fills me with His joy and peace. I cling to the One who forgives me.



  89. Kailynne on Friday, March 22, 2013 at 3:03 am

    God, I promise to come to You when I need to forgive my husband. I will seek Your guidance daily and praise Your Holy Name for the strength You give me to forgive.



  90. amy on Friday, March 22, 2013 at 3:06 am

    Since i joined this challenge the Lord speaks each day to my heart that without his mercy & grace we cnt forgive our husband despite of all the hurts,bitterness & anger. What a beautiful prayer that touch my heart! We live one day at a time. I pray that no matter what verbal abuse my husband did to me as of now,i thanked the Lord that he’s there for me to guide & teach me to forgive no matter what. God is so faithful that he will finish his work in us!! God bless us all..



  91. Constance on Friday, March 22, 2013 at 4:43 am

    Thank you for this reminder! Even though I have forgiven things from the past, I have to continually forgive my husband about things he does now as for example treat me unfairly sometimes.



  92. Kerry on Friday, March 22, 2013 at 8:30 am

    First off, Tracie, I just went through a similar occurrence with our church Praise Team, almost by the book of your story (minus a few details). But I too was at a point where others did not know me anymore because I could not let go. But once I accepted it, laid it God’s feet….it was gone. Done. Over. and I was able to move on and am now happily singing again.
    Dear God, I am weak. Help remind me that when in conflict not to hold onto it, but to give it to you, because then and only then can I forgive and/or move on. Thank you for guiding me, especially when I get lost. You are an awesome God! Amen!



  93. Charlene on Friday, March 22, 2013 at 8:30 am

    I have been working on forgiveness- for my husband and myself. For many of the things I’ve been upset with my husband for are much my fault as the Lord has pointed out to me. My husband cannot read between the lines of my hints- I cannot blame him for not getting my message. He also cannot anticipate my needs when I’ve not told him. Also I am learning more and more that my husband cannot fill my every need nor can he fill in those missing holes in my heart. God has shown me that many of my own expectations for him have been what has made him fall short in my eyes. So I am learning to seek the Lord first. I’ve also been reading Lysa TerKeurst’s book Capture His Heart: Becoming the Godly Wife Your Husband Desires. I’m learning so much & have been truly blessed. I’ve also been learning how to specifically pray for my husband. I’ve always been thankful- but had not known that I could help him more by praying for him.

    Sending prayers for all these marriages mentioned here.



  94. Maria on Friday, March 22, 2013 at 9:25 am

    Recently I dealt with carrying a lot of anger, frustration and unforgiveness against my husband and a few others. I felt like I was in the right and though I could hear God asking me to let it go. Yet I wasn’t ready and wanted to continue to “chew” on it. After many weeks of having my toes stepped on at church, hearing him continue to say “let it go” and just being miserable, I finally said “ok”. With only God’s strength, I went to each of the individuals apologizing and asking for their forgiveness. While we all held responsibilities for what had transpired, I knew that above all I had not been loving to others which I knew that grieved God greatly. There are still days when Satan whispers reminders of what had happened and bring all the hurt and frustrations to the surface, Each time this happens, I continue to call out to God thanking him for freeing me from all that.



  95. Shelly on Friday, March 22, 2013 at 11:35 am

    This really hit the nail on the head. And I really needed to hear this today. ( I am a day behind, but I think God really needed me to hear this TODAY).I lost sleep last night over a certain situation my husband and I have been going through. I have been unforgiving and holding a grudge against my husband. Today I am going to take this challenge and pardon the sins of my husband and forgive him. I know it’s not going to be easy. I will ask God to fill my heart with grace and mercy – and overwhelming joy. Thank you Tracie for doing this, you really have opened up my eyes and God is softening my heart.



  96. Kim W. on Friday, March 22, 2013 at 2:21 pm

    I am a day behind, too, but I can so relate to this post, Tracie. As I continue to struggle in my marriage, I realized that I cannot move forward at all until I allow God to change MY heart by filling it with patience, foregiveness and love. I have harbored so much frusration, fear, anger and unforgiveness and it has hurt my marriage for far too long. Rather than focusing on how I can fix things or how God should change my husband, I have asked for God to forgive me and to change my heart. Your message was just what I needed.



  97. janie W on Friday, March 22, 2013 at 4:55 pm

    Forgiveness can be so hard, but some times it is forgiving ourselves that is the hardest. When we learn to forgive ourselves it becomes easier to do the same for others.



  98. Nancy Silvers on Friday, March 22, 2013 at 6:19 pm

    I am committed to forgiving my husband and not hold a rap sheet to bring out at a later time. I used to be angry and resentful and one day God showed me it was not about me. It was about my husband’s broken relationship with HIM. It was an eye opener. Everyday when I have my prayer time I pray Rene Swoop’s free download “Praying for your husband from head to toe”-it is very helpful-it helps me to keep my focus in the right direction. If I remain unforgiving and resentful I am part of the problem–when I hold my husband up to the Lord in prayer I am part of the solution. It reminds me that God IS working in my husband-just not on my time table just as HE is working in me–and not on my husbands time table.
    Thank you and God Bless!



  99. Heather on Friday, March 22, 2013 at 9:03 pm

    I want to be free. I want joy. Please dear God help me to forgive. Thank u for this message.



  100. mona on Saturday, March 23, 2013 at 10:43 am

    I have been so blessed with the ispirational words and prayers you don’t know how many people you have helped in my life.I will be able to help more ladies in my family and friends that I know have been struggling with the issue of unforgiveness.May the Lord continue to use you,you are a really blessing Tracie.



  101. mandy on Sunday, March 24, 2013 at 10:50 am

    I thank you Lord for working through Tracie Miles to challenge me Lord to listen to Your words and to Your truths I am commanded to forgive just as He has forgiven me .. I am told to love just You loved me Lord ..Lord guide my thoughts and my attitude towards my husband help me to forgive and to love I thank You in advance for teaching me to walk with You Lord in my marriage Amen



  102. Tina on Sunday, March 24, 2013 at 11:27 am

    I am enjoying this challenge. Found myself in the book store last night and couldn’t help but shuffle the arrangement and put your books forward facing so they wouldn’t be missed lol! 🙂



  103. Jennifer on Sunday, March 24, 2013 at 4:42 pm

    I am enjoying this series and really needed to hear this. I have had two similar situations within the last few years happen to me. The latter one was almost a year ago and it still bothers me even though this person asked for forgiveness and I forgave her but cannot let go of the hurt. The one before has not asked for forgiveness and I know she won’t but I know I have to forgive and let go anyway. And yes, I am the one who keeps score of the wrongs in my marriage. So my husband will appreciate this. Thank you so much foe showing me that I am not alone in life or in my marriage.



  104. kathy d on Sunday, March 24, 2013 at 11:09 pm

    CONVICTED! I know I should forgive and let go. It is very hard – the hurts have been going on for so long. The sad truth is, I don’t really want to… that human nature wants to give as good as I’ve gotten. I need to work on this one and need to spend much time in prayer over it. Thank you for challenging me to listen to God’s command to forgive – even when it hurts!



  105. Christie on Monday, March 25, 2013 at 2:28 am

    I know a woman who dealt with something similar and she testified about the freedom she received from it. Unforgiveness definately weighs you down. I will be praying for help with unforgiveness in my heart.



  106. Amanda H. on Monday, March 25, 2013 at 11:56 am

    Parenting! It’s such a challenge .



  107. Prema on Monday, March 25, 2013 at 6:08 pm

    On my own i cant but With Gods help, I can forgive



  108. Linda Willhite on Tuesday, March 26, 2013 at 6:19 am

    I am working through forgiveness. Finding it sometimes comes in layers
    Thanks for encouragement to complete the process. Linda



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Tracie Miles is a bestselling author and the Director of COMPEL Training with Proverbs 31 Ministries.  She helps women grow stronger in their faith, pursue the life of purpose God designed them for and live a life of peace, joy and happiness despite their circumstances.

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