But despite knowing all that, she always tells me “you are my rock!”. We never cease to have a lot going on in our family, it sometimes seems we jump from one upsetting situation to the next, and that there is never a day that is completely worry-free. She and I are very close, so when she needs to talk, she calls me, and looks to me for encouragement, support and conversation – thus, the term “the rock”.
The truth is that I am so far from being a rock, it would be stretching it to even call myself a pebble. I have mastered the art of trying to stay cool, calm and collected in all situations. I have learned to hold my tears back until I get away from the painful situation, so that my tears dont cause others to feel bad or create any uncomfortable situations. I guess you could say that I have learned to always try to keep up the persona of the rock, even when inside, I feel like I want to crumble. So in summary, I am not a good rock at all!
I have been so crazy busy the past few months, that they seem like a big blur. Between preparing for speaking engagements; the chaos of family life with kids in elementary, middle and high school; football season and all the games and practices that come with it; the worsening of my sisters chronic illness; my mothers surgery; my step mothers lung cancer and her recovery; and so on, and so on, and so on, I found myself stressed, worried, fretting, and burdened.
So anyway, get the picture! No rock here! Just crumbles! As I sat on my bed in my hotel room at the retreat on Sunday morning preparing to give my message during our devotion time, I found myself trying to hold back the tears, and I just got on my knees and prayed. I felt so burdened, I just didnt think I could stand up in front of an audience and speak. I prayed for a lot of things that morning, but most of all, I prayed for God to be my rock.
Deuteronomy 32:4 says, “The Rock! His work is perfect,For all His ways are just; A God of faithfulness and without injustice, righteous and upright is He.”
I knew if I wanted to get through the weekend, I needed to quit trying to be the rock for everyone else, and start leaning on the The Rock that could truly hold me up. And guess what – as soon as I prayed that prayer, I felt Gods presence and suddenly had a sense of peace come over me. I felt reassured that no matter what was going in my life, that I could lean on God for support, encouragement and conversation. I was reminded that He is there, He is solid, even when Im crumbling.
I am confident that I would rather lean on The Rock, than try to be the rock. I just need to keep reminding myself of that every time I feel like Im going to crack!