For those of you who have been wondering why I have been MIA lately, I have to say that I am not exactly sure! What I do know, is that I have not felt God laying anything on my heart lately to write about. What I also know, is that God did not stop speaking to me, I just apparently was not listening.
On a normal day, although I am far from perfect and have many flaws about myself that I need to work on, I try to listen for Gods voice and I try to see Him at work. On some days, I receive so many ideas for devotions, blog articles, and writing concepts, that I can hardly keep up with them all! Sometimes I write on any piece of paper I can get my hands on so that I wont forget what God has told me! But lately, my slate has been empty.
I started praying about this over the weekend, and seeking Gods wisdom and closeness again, and I came to the conclusion that several things were probably the culprit for the current distance that I was feeling from God:
1) I had not been spending daily quiet time with God or much time in focused prayer for that matter, because of school starting back, the kids sports activities, crazy schedules, tennis, work, mounds of laundry, exercise, breaking up sibling rivalry, school drama, homework, ballgames, and so on.
2) my heart had been burdened because of health issues with my mom and my sister and I didnt realize what an emotional and spiritual toll it had been having on me
3) my household seemed to be filled with conflict lately, which had kept my spirit in a constant state of frustration and disappointment
This past Sunday, as my heart was heavy, I sat in the church pew, praying for God to give me a Word, any Word. I just asked Him to throw me a bone of some sort to help me draw closer to Him again; to see what the problem really was and how do I fix it?
As I listened intently and expectantly to hear what God was going to say to me, my answer came in the first question posed by my pastor: Are you a child of the light?
My first thought of course, was yes, I am a Christian, and therefore a child of the light. But if Im being honest with myself, am I really WALKING in the light? Am I BEING the light to those in my home and in my path? Am I LIVING in the light?
In that moment, God impressed upon my heart that although He shines His light upon me, I was not focusing on the walking, being, and living the light for Him. I had gotten sucked into the disease of busyness; had fallen into a habit of not giving my concerns fully to God or trusting His sovereignty and instead succumbing to worry; allowed resentment to build as I wished others would be considerate of my feelings; harbored frustration from feelings of being unappreciated; and had not been focusing on pursuing the fruits of the spirit in my own heart. These are all things which I normally try to succeed at, but I had fallen short due to my change in focus.
I realized I had temporarily taken my eyes off of Christ, and instead put my eyes on my problems, my feelings, my hurt, and my disappointments.
Walking in the light means that the direction of our life should reflect that of Christ. Being kind to those who are not kind to us. Being forgiving of those who wont even admit that they have hurt us. Seeking to please God, rather than be appreciated or acknowledged here on earth. Not being a “sin inspector” for others, but focusing on the areas that God needs to work on in me.
All of these things are only possible through the strength of Christ, and not in my own doing. But I can take comfort in knowing that God knows my heart. He knows I am a sinner, but He still loves me. He knows that my desire is to live a life that is pleasing to Him, even though I fail miserably. He knows that I trust Him, even when my human emotions cause me worry and concern.
Although at times, the darkness seeks to take over our hearts, the Light is more powerful. Darkness can only reign if we allow it to, but if we turn on the light in our hearts, then it will outshine the attempts of the enemy to lead us astray. As we focus on the Light, the darkness grows dim.
I turned on my little light again yesterday. I started a new bible study which I am excited about it; I forgave someone who said things that immensely hurt my feelings; I resolved to try to be more kind, patient and less critical; I made a commitment to keep my focused on Christ and not to seek approval or worthiness in the eyes of others. And most importantly, I am going to try to let my little light shine where ever I go. The key word here is TRY – but I can walk forward knowing that God is leading the way.
Ephesians 5:14 “for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: “Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”
Is your light on?