When You Realize You’re Bleeding, Get Some Help

Empty and wordless. These were the two words which slipped out of my mouth the day before the Proverbs 31 Ministries annual She Speaks Conference last weekend.

Due to the rollercoaster I’ve been on for the past year and a half because of the end of my marriage, stress over finances and ongoing difficult circumstances, worrying about my children and trying to figure out this new life on my own, I was feeling tired and spent. Although my faith is stronger than ever before and I focus on being positive and happy every day, something in my heart was still heavy. I was well aware that spiritual warfare is fierce every year leading up to the week of She Speaks where an army of 800 women are equipped to go out into the world and make God famous, yet I was still perplexed and felt a weird sense of unexplainable void.

Yet in one spoken comment, it all became clear.

I was talking to my precious friends Micca and Sharon the day before the conference and sharing the hard things I was facing and having to deal with.  Things that had recently broken my heart in ways I didn’t think it could break anymore. Things that had made me justifiably angry but which were threatening to steal my peace. As we talked, tears I am usually successful at holding back and hiding began to well up in my eyes. Without hesitation I inadvertently said to them, “I just really need your prayers. I feel empty and wordless and I need God to do something amazing in my heart this weekend.”

Empty. Wordless. Neither of which is good for any believer, because God wants us all to be fulfilled and full of words to share His goodness with others. But these feelings are especially troubling for someone who makes a living writing words. Emptiness causes a lack of motivation to write, and wordless means no words are getting on paper – and when a completed new book manuscript is due in just a few weeks, this is a big problem.

Until that very moment I hadn’t been able to describe the void I had been feeling. But those two words bubbled up from somewhere deep inside my soul and spilled over my lips. We all three stopped right there and bowed our heads as Sharon poured out a beautiful, powerful prayer over me that caused those emerging tears to slide down my cheeks.

Over the next three days at the She Speaks Conference, God did do something amazing – as always! I got to spend time with incredible Godly women who have been in my life for over a decade as we do ministry together and who have become close dear friends. I got to love on and encourage countless sisters in Christ who had come to the conference with hearts full of dreams and a burning desire to learn how to do what God had called them to do. I had the privilege of teaching several workshops about Christian writing and speaking. I rubbed shoulders with hundreds of women whose passionate faith was contagious and who worshipped God with arms held high in praise and worship.  I received many words of encouragement and love from women I have never met before but who follow me online or have read my books, each one speaking words of affirmation and kindness that filled my heart more than they could ever imagine.

But it was one sentence in a keynote message spoken by my friend Chrystal which God used to open the door for me to find victory over those two words.

Chrystal shared a story about a time when she was on a bike riding tour/adventure, went down a hill too fast and crashed. She was hurt and bleeding and needed immediate medical care but she wanted to finish what she had set out to do. She wanted to just push through and ignore the pain, broken bones and blood and keep persevering towards her intended goal of finishing the bike ride at the final destination. But the paramedic insisted she get medical attention at the hospital so she had to stop and do what was best for her.

She said afterwards it dawned on her that all too often, we try to keep pushing through life ignoring our pain and just do what we planned to do or what we have to do. We keep our eyes on our goals, instead of tending to our wounds. We try to convince everyone we’re doing just fine, when inside we are empty, broken and in pain. She said sometimes we need God to wake us up and say,  “Girl, you are bleeding! Pull over and get some help!”

Upon her saying that powerful statement, it was as if God immediately whispered to my heart, “Tracie, you are bleeding. Pull over and get some help.” The thought startled me and more tears filled my eyes. I suddenly realized I had been living on auto pilot, never stopping to acknowledge my own needs, much less tend to them.  I had been working countless hours every week for months trying to meet all of my obligations for my full time job, my publisher, my children and my bills. I had been burying hurt, fears and stress so deep in my heart they had worn holes in my spirit, causing my peace and joy to secretly seep out and leave me empty. I had been so busy trying to stay strong and positive, carry the weight of all the burdens of life and parenting all alone, ignore my pain, and act like I’m “fine”,  that I was slap worn out and not fine at all.

I realized I was bone weary from the inside out, and in a sense, bleeding.

She referred to Jeremiah 31:25 which says, “For I have given rest to the weary and joy to the sorrowing.” (NLT). The Message Bible translates that verse as “I’ll refresh tired bodies; I’ll restore tired souls.” I desperately wanted refreshment and restoration in body and soul, especially after also hearing Chrystal say “If you’re running on empty, what do you have to give anyone?” Great. Point. Especially for someone in full time ministry. Mercy.

I knew I had been running on empty – barely even running on fumes honestly – for far too long. I desperately needed physical rest and soul rest and longed for God to replace sorrow with joy. Yet again.

It suddenly became obvious that the reason I couldn’t seem to get any words on the blank paper was because I had been trying to ignore the pain and bleeding and just persevere and pour myself into ministry, my sweet kids and and all my responsibilities and obligations.  I needed to be filled before I could pour out. I needed to be healed before I could finish the tasks I set out to do.  I needed to be honest with God and honest with myself about the wounds I was nursing, and intentionally seek joy and rest in Him and through Him. I needed to pull over, for just a minute, and let God tend to me.

Today, although the same worries and concerns exist, my heart feels so much fuller! I am filled with how much God loves me. I am filled with gratitude and praise for how I see Him meeting my every need in the exact way it needs to be met, being no more and no less than I need. I am filled to the overflow with the joy my kids bring me, how much I love them and the close friendship we all share. I am filled knowing He hears my prayers and the deepest desires of my heart and that one day He will answer those prayers in the ways and timing He sees best. I am filled when I allow Him to replace my anger, even when justified, with the peace only He can give.

I have confidence God can stop the bleeding and dress my wounds in the way He knows will bring perfect healing and abundant joy.

I no longer feel empty because God filled the empty spaces in my heart with sweet friends, words of affirmation from total strangers, and confirmation of His love, His Presence and His call on my life. He filled me with renewed hope and excitement for the journey He has me on and what the future holds. He helped me refocus on all of my blessings instead of problems and regenerated my soul. He filled with me the excitement of expectantly waiting to see what He will do next. And He filled me with an overflowing desire to spend more time reading His Words so He can put words on my tongue and my fingertips.

And  – as you can see – I already have some new words to share. Smiles. 🙂

I’m getting back on the bike (aka computer) and typing away this week on my manuscript, and I would appreciate your prayers as I work towards the deadline. God continues to help me live out the messages I am writing about and as I write this next book, titled Love Your Life Again which will release next summer, I am confident He is going to help me finish the task one day and one step of faith at a time. I pray I never forget to pull over when I need some special attention from the Greatest Physician of all time.

If you’ve been feeling empty and wordless, is it possible you need to pull over? Might you be bleeding and need some holy attention? Do you need to be honest with God about your pain and allow Him to tend to your wounds right now, instead of trying to push forward on auto pilot? Do you long for God to fill your heart with more of Him than you’ve ever known, so you can be filled with words of praise and worship that can spill out into the hearts of others?

Sweet friend, it’s okay to pull over, admit we’re wounded and bleeding, and ask for help from the only One who knows what we need. It’s okay to let him get in the pilot’s seat so you can have a rest. God is always there to help us not only heal but get back up, fill up, and step up to start living the life He wants us to enjoy. Take care of you before you try to take care of everyone else.

Visit me on Facebook and Instagram to see some photos from the She Speaks Conference and the beautiful faces of the friends that mean so much to me.

 

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22 Comments

  1. Lyli @lylidunbar.com on Tuesday, August 1, 2017 at 12:18 pm

    Thanks for pouring into us at the conference, Tracie.

    Loved Chrystal’s teaching! My hubby and I had a long talk about it on the drive home. I think when you are a finisher, it’s hard to step aside… but it’s not a failure. It’s just a pit stop to refuel and help you move forward stronger.

    Praying for you today. May God refresh your spirit and give you strength and courage to meet each moment.

    Hugs



    • Tracie on Tuesday, August 1, 2017 at 12:39 pm

      Thank you Lyli! So glad we got to meet in person at She Speaks!



  2. Natalia on Tuesday, August 1, 2017 at 1:50 pm

    I love your obedience. He is so faithful to heal….when we stop and let Him. Praying for you now as you work on your book!



  3. Jill Beran on Tuesday, August 1, 2017 at 4:51 pm

    I appreciate your heart and honesty Tracie!! I wasn’t at SS this year, but have been in the past – so thankful God met you there and not surprised at all. I’m in the process of publishing a Bible study…my first hard copy is set to arrive tomorrow! It’s titled “ReNEWal Road – The Journey of Becoming More Like Jesus” – faith truly is a journey. I’ll be sharing about it at a women’s event coming up and just put together my notes for the final message – No U-Turns, Caution and Fuel-Up. May the Living Water keep you hydrated and may God give you spiritual hunger pains for His Word! Blessings to you!



  4. Judy on Tuesday, August 1, 2017 at 6:19 pm

    What an incredible encouragement you are to me in this blog post. I feel a bit “wordless and empty” right now but I have beautiful Christian women speaking words of love and truth into me and I am so grateful.



  5. Heather on Tuesday, August 1, 2017 at 7:37 pm

    That is exactly how I feel. I have had some wounds picked open and have been going full tilt. When I read your title for this post, I thought, yep that is me! Thanking for the reminder and encouragement to stop and let GOD.



  6. Beth on Tuesday, August 1, 2017 at 8:21 pm

    Tracie, I appreciate you and am keeping you in prayer! ❤️????????



  7. Dawnielle on Tuesday, August 1, 2017 at 8:27 pm

    Tracie. Thank you for your honesty. Satan is putting God’s daughters under an unrelenting attack. Especially in marriages and husbands falling into sin, meant to destroy us. Maybe God wants you and Lysa to collaborate about how being honest with God and seeking His rest, healing, love, etc will carry you through what Satan meant for your destruction and to silence the gifts of words of articulation that God has placed in you both.

    Can’t wait to read your new bk, and hope to be a part of its launch team.



  8. Barbara on Wednesday, August 2, 2017 at 8:36 am

    Tracie this was filled with powerful words such a blessing that I really needed to read. Praying for you Tracie as you finish writing your new book and can’t wait to read your new book next year. God Bless You Tracie….
    Have a blessed day!



  9. Martha on Wednesday, August 2, 2017 at 8:52 am

    Tracie, what a privilege it is to pray for you. As I read your email this morning, the verse “Be still and know that I am God” came to mind and I pray that verse over you. I have lived your life in so many ways and then God used circumstances to slow me down and offered me that verse. My life had changed. My life plans were dismissed as I became a caretaker for one who had wounded my heart. This position stilled me and in my search for greater knowledge, I came across P31. Praise God. I shared with my Bible study group and we did one of Lysa’s books that led us directly to studying the book of James. Just one sentence from her sent us in this direction, going straight to the Word to “know God.” So yes, I continue to pray for the P31 ladies. It is my honor. Please pray for me as well as I grieve the loss of my first born. Yours and Crystal’s words are a balm. Prayers



  10. Melissa Henderson on Wednesday, August 2, 2017 at 9:12 am

    What a great message! Yes, there are times when I need to pause and realize I need help. I am thankful for God’s blessings and His patience with me.



  11. Dot Buenacasa on Wednesday, August 2, 2017 at 9:13 am

    Thank you for sharing your heart. I understand that so well. When my husband died i wanted to be sure his parents were okay – daily. Non- Believers. I put my kids on hold and me on hold. It was only recently, when i was reading Chrystal’s pre-book that I too realized i needed healing. So thankful for healing. Another layer out and His grace has covered it. I know there is more but in His timing He will continue the healing. Thank you again for sharing.



  12. NancyB on Wednesday, August 2, 2017 at 9:44 am

    Tracie, Your words this morning were just what I needed to hear! Emptiness is hard! It just takes courage and help to overcome that feeling! Doing it alone just does not work, does it? We need to be around those precious ladies of like minds and like hearts!
    Thank you for reminding us of God’s love through special friends!



  13. Shirley Schuy on Wednesday, August 2, 2017 at 10:21 am

    Tracie, thank you so much for this article. it hits home for me also as others have said.
    i enjoyed the words you shared at She Speaks.
    i am praying for you as you write and pray for myself as i start to put my pen to paper.
    thank you and God bless



  14. Elaine on Wednesday, August 2, 2017 at 10:44 am

    Thank you for your honest,loving testimony. Due to husbands dementia and other ailments I too went through the emptiness. God helped me realize how empty when my sugar dropped to 30 and I went to the hospital. God provided what I needed and helped me realize that it was time to talk to him and realize that the man I married 40 years ago is still with me at times and my husband is in God’s hands. He is with us day by day and I truly love him more.He holds my husband and me clo sr and with his armour on daily my joy and love for my husband are stronger than ever. God’s will not mine will be done. I hope to be at She Speaks in 2018!



  15. Refocus-Reclaim on Wednesday, August 2, 2017 at 10:52 am

    Oh. My. What timing! I so needed to hear this today… THANK YOU!



  16. Christy on Wednesday, August 2, 2017 at 11:18 am

    I needed to read this! Just last week my doctor had told me that if I didn’t take time to rest and take care of myself and seek the Lord out to heal me that I was heading down a very dark road. Possibly ending up in an institution. Thank you so much for sharing as a Christian woman in leadership that you also need help. My husband is in the ministry and I feel like sometimes we aren’t supposed to show weakness. We are supposed to have it all together. Thank you again for sharing.



  17. Shannon on Wednesday, August 2, 2017 at 2:40 pm

    Praying for God’s peace to continue to fill you each and every day! Thank you for sharing your heart, even in our midst of trouble, sorrow and pain we can lift others up by being open with our stories. I am coming up on the one year mark that I revealed to my husband about my affair. I have been so diligent in praying for him, for us, for our family. You see, my husband does not have a strong belief in the Lord. He believes He exists and thats about where his belief ends. It is a scary thing to confess something like that and that wait on the Lord to see if he will be able to bring about restoration and redemption within us and our marriage. Even in someone who does not hear the Lord and see the Lord working in his life. This past week I have been so tired to the point of exhaustion, sleeping late in the morning instead of getting up early to pray. I have been feeling so guilty about that and fretting that if I am not praying over my husband and my marriage everyday then it’s going to fall apart. Being stuck in that mindset has also left me feeling empty drained and crushed by the burden of such a tall feat. Just this moment I was running around cleaning the house and feeling exhausted when I felt the Holy Spirit prompt me to sit down and relax a few moments. Well I was hesitant but I did pour myself a cup of coffee and sat down with my ipad in hand. I opened my emails and low and behold was your devotion! Halfway through reading I began to cry uncontrollable tears becuase I knew the the Lord was speaking to me though your words. Now that I have been sitting here I feel peace and a renewed hope inside of me. I know that God is asking me to pull over and tend to my wounds and to lighten my load by giving him my burdens. This devotion was a great reminder for me that Im NOT God and I cant save my husband or my marriage, that is God’s work and will to be done, not my own! I am at peace knowing that God has our lives in His hands and He will work out the plans for our lives. So thank you again Tracie, I know how hard it is sometimes to be so raw and open with our circumstances but you truly are God’s faithful daughter to share your life with anyone who reads your blog!
    I will continue to pray for you as you finish up your new book and for your family to find peace with this new life you now have!
    ❤️❤️Shannon



  18. Jessica Orika on Saturday, August 5, 2017 at 5:42 am

    “I have confidence God can stop the bleeding and dress my wounds in the way He knows will bring perfect healing and abundant joy.” This really touched me. I feel lifted in my spirit. God bless you for sharing.



    • Diana Rockwell on Saturday, August 5, 2017 at 8:45 pm

      I have been wordless for months leading to my retirement. Not really sure what it was all about. Thankfully the words are coming back Tracie. Tracie Thanks for sharing. Love Diana Rockwell



  19. Darcee on Sunday, August 6, 2017 at 7:33 am

    Oh, Tracie, tears are streaming down my face as I just read this most timely post! After going through a painful and unexpected divorce two years ago, I was finally getting my life back on track. I had started a single women’s ministry at my church, developed a blog, and began studying to be a Biblical Counselor. I knew God wanted to use my story to help other Christian women going through the shame and isolation of a divorce. Then one week ago, I was dealt with the most unexpected news. I have been diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer to the brain. As I was laying here in bed reading this post, I realized I need this time to rest in God’s arms. I, too, have been trying to be strong for everyone else so that my strong faith in the Great Physician would shine through. Than you for reminding me to rest and seek out His comfort and strength!



  20. Lisa on Sunday, August 6, 2017 at 12:13 pm

    Tracie, thank you for sharing your story ” When you realize you are bleeding”. As I read each line, with tears streaming down my face, I saw me. I have carried every load with my family for so long, that I am empty and wordless. Feeling that I have to stay strong for everyone. I have gone thru and still living with) the pain and hurt in my marriage from my husband’s infidelity, that I have buried them and put on the face of I am ok I am strong, when I am truly bleeding and crashing inside. I thank God for your words of encouragement. It has given me a new perspective. I am a woman of faith and I know your message was God’s way of saying ” Pull over and Rest in Me”. I have been feeling the pulling of taking some time of for myself. Away from the kids, the husband and the work, but I just keep going and going and doing and doing. Your message has touched my very soul. Thank you. You and your family will always be in my prayers.



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Tracie Miles is a bestselling author and the Director of COMPEL Training with Proverbs 31 Ministries.  She helps women grow stronger in their faith, pursue the life of purpose God designed them for and live a life of peace, joy and happiness despite their circumstances.

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