5 Tips For Being A More Confident Parent

If you are one of my regular subscribers, then today we are talking about parenting. But if you are visiting my blog today from my Proverbs 31 devotion, then welcome! I imagine you might be here because, like me, sometimes you struggle with doubts about your parenting skills, or wonder if you are doing things right.  There is so much information out there about parenting, and so many contradicting suggestions, how does a mom really know if she’s doing the right things?

The only answer to that question is to do what you feel is right in your heart, and what God confirms is right in His Word about the responsibility of parents. We will never be perfect, and that nobody expects us to be – except maybe ourselves.

Below are a few tips that I have found to be of  utmost importance, but they are certainly not the only suggestions out there. 

I would love for your to share your confident parenting tips too, since we are all from different walks of life.  If after reading the tips below, you have some great confidence-building tips that have helped you get through the hard days of parenting or worked well for you with regards to difficult situations, will you share them in the comment section?  Fellow moms will thank you!  

1. Know that you can never love too much.  Spoiling a child with too many ‘things’ is something we might want to avoid, but we can never spoil a child with too much love. Whether girl or boy, children need love. Whether girl or boy, children need hugs, kisses, attention and compassion. Don’t worry about spoiling your daughter by loving them too much, or making your son less masculine if you shower him with love.  God is love, and He calls us moms to be love too – even when the kids are not being lovable.  If someone tells you you’re spoiling your child by being too loving or attentive, ignore the advice and do what your heart tells you. You may not feel like the perfect parent, or buy them every thing they want, or be at every ballgame or dance recital, but you can always make sure they know how important they are to you and that they are loved unconditionally.

2. Allow yourself to live and learn. They don’t say parenting is a journey for no reason. With passing year, we learn a little bit more about how to be a better parent and effectively raise our children to the best of our ability. What we did with our first child, we may or may not do with our last, because we’ve lived and learned some lessons. Give yourself some grace when you mess up, recognizing that each parenting experience, good and bad, is a learning one.

3. Tune out the voices of criticism. From the moment you swaddle your newborn infant, to the first day your teenager asks to go out on a date, people will be full of advice. Sometimes the advice is valid and helpful, while other times it may be overbearing and critical.  The trick is learning to filter the advice we receive with our own gut feelings, appreciating the advice but determining what works best for us.  Just because we may disagree with someone’s advice or parenting style, doesn’t make them wrong, or us wrong. It just makes us different. Trust that God has equipped you to be the mom your child needs and will give you the wisdom to carry out the task of motherhood.

Our kids are just that - our kids. Although we can seek advice from others and respect suggestions from other moms or trusted resources, what is most important is that we recognize God gave us our specific kids for a reason, knowing that we have been equipped in unique ways to raise them.  We may not be an expert in raising someone elses child, but we are the expert in raising our own. We know our child better than anyone else, including their emotional and physical needs, strengths, weaknesses, talents, soft spots and trigger points.  So making decisions based on our gut feelings, our Christian beliefs and mommy intuitions should always be our first priority.

4. Focus on what you’re doing right, instead of what you feel you’re doing wrong.  It’s easy to get hung up on our imperfections as parents – like those times when we left our baby crying in the crib longer than we should because we were tired. Or the time when we punished our toddler for spilling milk because our frustration got the best of us. Or when we lost our temper and yelled words in anger when our teenager spoke to us disrespectfully.  We all mess up at times, but most likely, our parenting successes far outweigh our mess ups.  Give yourself a break and focus on all the good things you do for and with your kids, instead of the few times you fall prey to being human.

5. Don’t compare yourself to other moms. It’s hard not to, especially when you see a mom who lost all her baby weight, manages to keep her kids under control in the grocery store, and all dressed in matching outfits. It’s hard not to, when you see a mom who seems to have the perfect teenage kids, who attend bible study and never get into trouble.  But everything is a package deal. No mom goes through this journey of parenting without her own set of mess-ups, struggles, successes and failures. Remember that if God thought enough of you to bless you with children to raise, whether you gave birth to them, adopted them, or just taken them under your wing, He has also gifted you with the ability to a great job if you put your mind to it, and keep your heart tied to His.

Bonus tip: BE CONFIDENT IN WHO GOD MADE YOU TO BE!  When we love ourselves, we are better able to love others, including our children. Kids need confident moms, and our confidence comes from Christ and knowing that we are not only fearfully and wonderfully made, but loved, and gifted with the ability to be the mom our kids need.

Leave your comments below (or Email subscribers can click here to leave a comment)

Happy parenting! Smiles.

(The randomly selected winners of last week’s book giveaways are Teresa Anderson and Maja Caldwell)

Comments

  1. Dani Byham says:

    Number 4! When we are spending time with God and really, truly doing our best to take care of our family, we HAVE to know that things can still go wrong. But we are still doing a good thing. We haven’t given up. We are doing something right by just being there and loving on our family!
    Thanks for the confirmation!

  2. Dottie says:

    Ahh the joys of knowing we can’t be perfect. Would love to have known that years ago . . . but I am here, with my #4 and #5 that God has given me grace for. God has grown me in ways that “perfect” is perfected in Him alone. Thank you for these words of encouragement. Praying many Mom’s will understand that we can never be perfect. Where would His grace be in our lives?

  3. Lisa says:

    I cannot thank God enough for this encouragement. I have been feeling so beaten up these days by my kids and by my reaction to my kids. I try so hard but i’ve become void of God’s help, because I don’t ask. Thank you for this message today and for the message of point #1. I often forget I need to just show an abundance of love for “love covers a multitude of sins.”

  4. Pam says:

    This post is so encouraging. I’ve been a mama for almost 20 years now, and I’m still learning. I think that might be an important thing to remember as well. Just when I think I’ve got this parenting thing licked is when I find I don’t know as much as I think I know. Every one of my boys is different and each take a different management technique. What worked for one may not be the best path for another. Spending time with my boys has been the best way for me to “know” them and in turn has helped me to parent them better. I want to be there to help them overcome their weaknesses and to continue to develop their strengths. Parenting keeps me on my knees. HE created these boys and placed them in my care, so I seek his guidance and advice for every decision I make regarding my boys.

  5. shelly says:

    Thank you for this balanced, supportive post. I will think and pray on this today.

  6. Kelly Willie says:

    thank you for all the encouraging words. I’m going through a rough time in my career after working for the same company 30 years and now acquiring a new boss!! Trying to keep positive thoughts and stay focused but it is really hard! Listed below is my favorite “so that” in the Bible that I quote silently a lot!!

    Thy word have I hid in mine heart, so that I might not sin against thee.

    Thank you for all you do!!

  7. Jessica says:

    It is not a coincidence that those words ‘so that’ have been on my mind the past couple of days not even knowing about this book. I have been through my share of struggles as a single mother trying to make it in this temporary home of ours. And at times I have asked myself, “What is it all for?”. SO THAT. So that we can enter the kingdom of God. I have been on a prayer journaling journey for 3 months, reading the Word and journaling my prayers. It has given me this new understanding of those words ‘so that’. I have received peace when chaos arises, and found joy when things don’t go the way my feeble mind thinks they should. But when I see the ‘so that’ results of the chaos and trials, it makes it all worth it. I recently received a grand promotion at work very unexpectedly to me. But my earthly father reminded me that this is not unexpected to my heavenly father. He placed me here so that I can do my work “as for working for the Lord” and this promotion has been a reward. I am so thankful for the blessings, the trials, the chaos, everything and anything that brings glory to God.
    I am so excited to read this book!

  8. valerie says:

    Motherhood, wifery, womanhood and all the roles that God has designed for the female are all gifts to be appreciated. With that being said, there are times when my mind is a blurred ball of mindless unrest, screaming for peace yet subconsciously putting on the invisible hat the next day.
    Philippians 4:6 has caused the blurring ball to slow down to a occasional twirl and I can see and feel evidence of the peace of God embracing my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus. I am most definitely a work of marble being chiseled into the image of Christ. I just know that if I continue to pray and ask God for what he knows that I already need and be thankful for what he has and already is doing in my life, that he will keep me sane, refreshed and victorious in him.

  9. Sloan Johnson-Stayton says:

    As a single mother of 4 I thank God for the little accomplishments of each day: all 4 are clean, dressed, fed and on the bus…yes! I’m ready for work as well….Thank you God! The verse that has been helping me most lately is Colossians 3:23 “whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men…” Also…my house is never spotless. I always choose the kids and sleep over a spotless home. The best thing I did for myself a few months ago was to ask a Christian friend if she would be interested in praying with me every morning after we do our own devotions and get kids off to school. So every morning we pray together over the phone on my way to work. It has been such a blessing to us both as struggling mothers, daughters, friends, teachers (we are also both teachers), sinners and sisters in Christ.

  10. Julie J says:

    I have two very different children…my oldest was very much like me and I had a very easy time parenting her. She was responsive to my efforts to guide and direct her through grade school and high school. My son, four years her junior, is a smart, funny, kind, and joyful kid, but much more of a free spirit. Consequently, I struggled as I tried to push him in the same path as my daughter. And as you can imagine, it was a source of great conflict between us. Once I decided to let God do the heavy lifting and worrying, I was able to enjoy my son’s unique gifts and really sit back and let him figure out his path. I’m still here to guide and encourage, but I’m no longer trying to force my ideas of what will make him “successful” on him. He is so much happier and our relationship is so much stronger. So I say it is much easier to be open to the gifts that God has given each of your children and supporting and guiding each of those children according to their needs, not your desires, expectations, etc.

  11. Beth says:

    Love the tips above & I “diddo” them. :) Many times I feel guilty or disappointed in myself if I don’t handle a parenting situation correctly. That is when I fall back on the Lord’s grace. I also love Isaiah 40: 11 “He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; He gently leads those that have young.”

  12. Leigh Ann Dewease says:

    My children are 4 and 2, and I have found that the best way to teach my children is to be a model of the behaviors I want them to live out. If I expect them to speak kind words and say please and thank you, then I must speak kind words to them and also say please and thank you to them. If I want them to learn about forgiving others when they hurt them, then I must be willing to forgive and express that to them when they make mistakes. Sometimes I think parents think they can do things just because they are the parent, but I believe that we must exemplify the behaviors we want our kids to learn. They will copy and do whatever they see us doing, so I want to make sure that my life is honoring and pleasing to God.

  13. carol says:

    Enjoy the moment – read the story – again, sing the song – again because you never know when it will have been your last chance…

  14. Kathleen says:

    I am a teacher of first graders. I have a student who has such a hard time at school. When I met with her mom, her mom told me that she and her daughter are best friends. I told her as gently as I could, that her daughter at six years old needs a parent to guide and direct her not be her best friend. I shared that as the child grows the parenting role will change as well. One day the role will become more of a friendship. I am a single mom whose son is now middle twenties. Our relationship has moved now more into a respectful friendship. My parenting advice would be to be the parent that your child needs as they are growing up. This season of my life as a parent is seeing my son have confidence to go forth to find his place in this world. As a Christian family, I know he is grounded in the Word and looks to his Heavenly Father for guidance. I have always had the joy and responsibility to pray for him. Never under estimate the power of a praying momma!
    Blessings to all you dedicated, wonderful moms!

  15. Lorie Kennedy says:

    What works with one kid, may not work with the other.

  16. Lorie Kennedy says:

    Oops…wrong post to comment on above.

  17. Alyce says:

    Thanks for finally talking about >5 Tips For Being A More Confident Parent <Liked it!

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