Well, He did it again. I wasn’t surprised, just enamored. I wasn’t shocked, just blessed. I wasn’t confused, just amazed. I wasn’t worthy, just granted grace.
The Proverbs 31 annual She Speaks conference took place this past weekend, and once again, it was beyond amazing. Once again, God left me speechless.
Although I was missing my children and husband after five days of living at the hotel, part of me did not want to leave. I felt a sadness start coming over me as I packed my clothes and headed out to the car.
For you see, I had spent the entire weekend with my precious team of P31 sisters, and I knew it would be another year before we all got to be together again.
I had raised my arms in praise to my sweet Lord during all the amazing worship songs that we had sung.
I had watched with tears in my eyes, as women who were broken, discouraged, and desperate for redemption, kneeled at the foot of the big wooden cross, pouring out their burdens to Christ, and dropping the enemy’s shackles to the floor that had kept them in bondage for many years.
I had been in the presence of beautiful, talented God-fearing women from 42 states and 3 countries, and was sure I had heard the sound of wings from the army of angels which hovered our ballroom.
I had been swimming in the sea of God’s presence throughout the whole weekend, drinking in every single moment, and now that it was over, my heart longed to take that feeling home with me. I found myself wishing that I could bottle up that passion for Christ and save it for a rainy day. I was speechless, and I knew that no words would be sufficient to help other people feel or understand the spiritual high that I was on.
I sighed, and told myself that I would just have to accept that all good things must come to an end eventually….. or do they?
When I returned home today, things looked much the same. My husband was on the couch watching a golf tournament. My son was playing games on his Wii. My daughters were telling me about all the happenings of their weekend (one had been on mission trip in Virginia, and the other had been at She Speaks in the Next Generation track, so they had lots to tell me!). The sink was full of dishes. The laundry room was full of dirty clothes. My inbox was packed with emails. Bills were on the counter.
Heavy sigh. Reality check. Same ol, same ol… or was it?
Every year, God does an amazing work in my heart at She Speaks – through the powerful words and scriptures that our P31 speakers share in the sessions throughout the weekend; the wealth of knowledge that I gain about speaking and writing from our breakout sessions; the sweet, new friends that I make; the hearts that I have the privilege of praying for; the tears that I have the privilege of wiping; the lives that I see interrupted, of countless women who thought they came to learn about speaking and writing, but instead walked away with an incredibly new outlook on what God desires for them to do in in their life.
Things did look the same on the outside, but I was changed on the inside.
I considered how each year after She Speaks, I am left speechless. But then it hit me…God does not want me to be speechless – He wants me to shout to the mountaintops! God wants me to share with my husband the spiritual passion that I received over the weekend, even if he didn’t run to the door welcoming me home with showers of hugs and kisses. God wants to change my heart so that I can be a more patient and loving mom and wife, even if the kids started having squabbling as soon as I walked in the door. God wants me to be compassionate even when I see dirty dishes and laundry. He wants me to share what He has done – despite reality.
Isaiah 41:5-11 (NIV)
Thus says God the LORD, Who created the heavens and stretched them out, Who spread out the earth and its offspring, Who gives breath to the people on it And spirit to those who walk in it, “I am the LORD, I have called You in righteousness, I will also hold You by the hand and watch over You, And I will appoint You as a covenant to the people, As a light to the nations, To open blind eyes, To bring out prisoners from the dungeon. And those who dwell in darkness from the prison. I am the LORD, that is My name; I will not give My glory to another, Nor My praise to graven images.”Behold, the former things have come to pass, Now I declare new things; Before they spring forth I proclaim them to you.”
Sing to the LORD a new song, Sing His praise from the end of the earth! You who go down to the sea, and all that is in it ,You islands, and those who dwell on them. Let the wilderness and its cities lift up their voices, The settlements where Kedar inhabits. Let the inhabitants of Sela sing aloud, Let them shout for joy from the tops of the mountains.
The Lord, once again, has given me a new song. His desire is to interrupt my normal, same ‘ol, same ‘ol, every day life, so that I can take advantage of the privilege He has given me to help build His kingdom. I want be used by Him, not be speechless. I want to share Him with others, not keep Him in a bottle.
Take time to remember who He is today, but don’t be speechless.
I am ever so thankful that He did it again.