Wow ladies! I’m so excited about the response to Tuesday’s P31 devotion and blog post, and thrilled at the enthusiasm and anticipation for the Your Life Still Counts Bible Study! (picture me here, smiling from ear to ear, plus super happy emoji). If you didn’t enter to win a YLSC Gift Pack worth $35 yet, there’s still time! Just click here to enter on Facebook.
But let’s switch gears for just a moment. Last week I shared my thoughts about 50 Shades of Grey and how the story line of this book/movie is so far removed from real love and intimacy that it not only damages our hearts, souls and minds, but also has the potential to damage marriages and families. Most of you agreed, and a few didn’t, but either way – I still love all my sisters in Christ! We all have to make our own choices and decisions and let the Holy Spirit be our ultimate guide about right and wrong.
Today though, I want to share something I think we’ll all agree on – that true intimacy needs to be purposely kept alive in a marriage, whether you’ve been married thirty days or thirty years. There are many loving ways to romance your spouse and accomplish that feat, sometimes we just need to be reminded of the importance of doing them.
In case you’re thinking I have the perfect marriage – don’t. Yes I love my husband dearly. And yes he loves me. But we’ve been married almost 25 years, and well, the spark is not always there and we don’t always feel like being best friends or being intimate. Just keeping it real folks.
We also have the added factor that he is usually only home on the weekends due to business travel, so let’s face it, that makes keeping intimacy alive a little more challenging. But it doesn’t keep it from being important.
Maybe your husband doesn’t travel much, but life, kids, busyness, disagreements, financial worries, lack of communication, hormones, work or feeling like you’ve grown apart is preventing intimacy from happening like it did in the earlier days of your marriage. In any case, when ignored, the lack of intimacy can cause long term problems in any relationship.
A few years ago I met Rick Johnson, the founder of BetterDads.net, at an Iron Sharpens Iron Conference in Connecticut where we were both speaking. Afterwards, I read a copy of his book The Man Whisperer, and it not only opened my eyes to the power of my words, and changed the way I spoke to my hubby, but it helped our relationship and improved our marriage. When I made some changes, I immediately saw a change in him and our relationship. Who knew, my husband wasn’t the only one who needed a little work? Smiles.
So when Rick released a new book recently called Romancing Your Better Half: Keeping Intimacy Alive In Your Marriage, I was excited to read it. This book holds lots of truths about this important topic of marital intimacy and romance in a marriage – which is often a subject many men and women want to avoid. In fact, maybe you’re feeling a little anxious right now as you read this post, secretly thinking that nothing in you wants to focus on this subject.
But the good news is, this book isn’t just for women, but men as well. So wife nor hubby has to feel like they’re being singled out as the trouble maker. In fact, it really focuses on the importance of marriage overall, and how much attention both spouses need to give to their marriages, and to each other, especially based on God’s will for a husband and wife.
Rick said on page 31 of Romancing Your Better Half that “our culture is actively promoting the message that divorce is not bad and in fact, marriage might not even be good. It is becoming politically incorrect to even use the word marriage.” So sad, but so true. The only way to set ourselves apart from the divorce epidemic is to make our marriage a priority, even when we don’t feel like it or don’t think our spouse deserves it, and intimacy (physical and emotional) has to be a priority.
Have you been longing for more intimate time with your spouse, more physical affection, better communication, or a stronger friendship? I know those are things I certainly always long for, especially when I haven’t seen my husband in a while or even when we’re together but distracted, busy or just not getting along – and maybe you do too.
One section I found particularly interesting were Rick’s tips on ‘How To Divorce Proof Your Marriage’ – simple tips, just ones we don’t always think about, however, ones that really make a difference:
- make your marriage your highest priority
- learn good communication skills; be willing to talk to your spouse about what’s bothering them
- attend a marriage workshop (or read a marriage book, go to a marriage bible study, etc.)
- get professional marital help earlier than later, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about
- think about your own negative behaviors and try to stop doing them
- keep your sexual relationship alive
- do kind and caring things every day
Rick also shared this statement below which stuck out to me, and is one us wives and our men need to take very seriously:
“Lack of romance and intimacy shrivels our wives like succulent roses left in the scorching heat of the unrelenting sun in the desert of a passionless heart. Men who do not intimately and romantically pursue their wives become apathetic, complacent, and overly involved in work or hobbies.”
Been there, done that. Years ago, even recently. It’s no fun. And it can hurt. But I do believe that over time, a deliberate attempt to build intimacy results in a better marriage overall, and renders a happy couple who can withstand the trials better and protect themselves from becoming a statistic in the divorce epidemic.
Marriage is hard. No doubt about it. But sometimes God brings things into our paths at just the right time, don’t ya think? And I so appreciate the wisdom in Rick’s book and the honesty he shares, and I think you will too.
We may never know why things happen to us or why we have to struggle in our marriages, sometimes making us feel like giving up. But if there’s one thing we do know, it’s that all marriages are worth fighting for in God’s eyes. He sees us, He sees what we’re going through, and He cares. All God calls us to do is trust Him, surrender our marriages to Him, and give it all we have in His strength alone, while believing He always holds our future in His hands, no matter what.
I’ve got a copy of Rick’s book to give away today and entering to win is easy!
Just leave a comment simply sharing how many years you’ve been married. But feel free to share any thoughts on this subject if you want to.
LEAVE A COMMENT TO ENTER TO WIN
Rick’s ministry is a great resource for men who want to be the best dad and husband they can be. Check out Rick’s website at BetterDads.net.
If you’re interested in getting a copy of Rick Johnson’s book for you and your man to read through together, click here for more info.
Married almost 20 years! Would love to read this book! Thanks for sharing! ❤️
Married 40 years this coming May,11 children,8 grandchildren…the Lord is good and His LOVE endures forever.Great is HIS FAITHFULNESS…Have a Blessed day as you draw near to the footstool of His divine mercy seat…Soak in His Presence… Be refreshed…For He who has begun the good work within will complete it…
Just celebrated 26 years. I told my husband that marriage would be easier if you could start out with 25 years under your belt.
14 years!
18.5 years!!
14 years!
We’ve been married just over 5 years. We were both 41 when we married and very set in our ways. We have a 4 year old; everyone says parenting is hard. Parenting is the easy part. Marriage is hard!! Would love a copy of this book. Thanks! 🙂
Almost 7 years! Would love to read this!!
20 years. Our marriage is totally lacking intimacy. We are at a point where we just co exist in the same house. God is convicting me that I need to make an effort to change this. Would love to read this book!
Married 5 years now. Really need to read this book. Intimacy has been gone for awhile. It’s so sad.
Almost 30 years! Wow, I feel old.
Married 31 years. Several times felt like I wanted to walk away, recently too. Not where I thought my marriage or life would be at this stage. But I love my husband and consider him my best friend.
14 years on March 10!! Only getting better as time goes on!
31 years! The last 3 years have been the hardest with challenges and discoveries about my spouse that I would have never imagined. We have been working on our marriage with many faith based methods and it is hard to not fall back into your set ways! Would love to have another book of examples!
We just celebrated 5 years in January. The first 3 years were really really hard but each day is getting easier. I’m glad to be going through life with my best friend. We have two beautiful boys that keep our lives busy and full of joy! Each day we work towards a better marriage and being positive influences for our kids….some days are harder than others. 🙂
We will be married 25 yrs in May. We are in a season in our marriage where we would benefit greatly from this resource.
Been married 27 years!
27 years 8 months (in a few hours) 🙂
11 years on March 5!
Married 21 years. I can relate to a lot of those bullet points in Rick ‘ s book. We don’t even sleep in same room. My husband works nights and I work days. We see each other Friday – Sundays. We have had many marital struggles. I am very involved in church and he goes on sunday only.
Sounds like a wonderful book! After 30 challenging years of marriage and trying to work on “us,” I’m just now hearing God’s still, small voice whispering that I have been the selfish one. Not easy to face this, but I am blessed to have a husband who is committed and patient and generous of spirit.
20 years ❤️
13 years
Married 16 years 🙂
I have been married for 25 years in June. It has been good and bad but when we first got married we made a pact to never go to bed mad at each other…. It has really helped!!!! We have learned to agree to disagree as well!! Would love a copy of the book as my hubby is now traveling for work and we have never had that dynamic before…,
11 years. Holt8655@gmail.com
Married 22 years. Like you, my husband works away from home…so we’re only together on the weekends. It’s challenging, and we lost our way for a time…but we are in a good place now and are making our marriage our top priority again.
We will be married 10 years on Tuesday!
We have been married 25 years.
2-1/2 years. Finishing the “5 love languages” and this book will be next! Boy, do I need it!
Thanks!
I have been married 6 years in March! This is exactly what I needed to hear and need to focus on.
21 years! Always room for improvement!
9.5 years 🙂
10 years I love my husband dearly but intimacy has been lacking for a long time. First due to addiction & now health issues. as I work on myself I see more & more I have been focusing on my husband’s faults. & seeing the need to work on my own. I would love a copy of your book because both my husband The two of us having experienced abuse in our childhoods we don’t know what true intimacy is or purity. But I know God can make new.
I have been married for 8 years will love reading this book
31 years
I was married for 14 years…. And all in this post is so true. Treasure and nurture the connection. You get out of it what you put into it… Right?
11 years. 3 kids: a baby, preschooler and 1st grader Its been so hard keeping our marriage alive through pregnancies and the new-baby stage, but God has been good as we’ve prayed over it. But intimacy? The time and privacy are non-existent!
We have been married for just 15 years this past November. We so need God’s help! I need God’s help for this marriage to survive. Addiciton, lack of intimacy, and yoked with a non-believer has me feeling like a hamster in a wheel. Thank you so much for this today!
Thank you for always pointing me back to the biblical answers. We have been in a season of trials & testing for 5 years and only by obeying God’s way and His grace are we growing as individuals and a couple. After 20+ years of marriage, we are learning to communicate. As we face on of our toughest trials now; I pray that God and His instruction will draw us to Himself and to each other.
We’ve been married almost 13 years. I’m thinking I need to read both books!
21 years to my high school sweetheart!
Sounds like a perfect book. I have been divorced for the last 13 years and a single Mom to 14 year old twins. I hope to find a Godly man to share my life with in the future. This book sure could help me! Thanks for the chance to win!
Married almost 14 years, together for almost 20! Would love this book 🙂
Almost 5 years. We really need this book, the quote you shared is truth and it does hurt…..hurting now. I really NEED this book!
almost 16 years….and your timing is perfect Tracie. I’ve been thinking we need a bible study on marriage and intimacy as things are not as they were 16 years ago!
Thanks for your wonderful, well-said words that are so encouraging to me.
25 years <3
Married 5 yrs, Hasnt been easy but we arent ready to give up. Would love to read the book.
Been married 23 years and need this book!! It is so true about the Rose, I have been talking to God a lot about our marriage and asking him to take it, this book has come at a perfect time!
15 years. Think about divorce all th time. Struggling through. One day at a time.
21 years
Thank you so much for this post today. God’s timing is amazingly perfect. I am struggling with this issue right this minute! My husband is reaching out for that intimacy and I have to take a hard look at myself and give him better. I’d love to win this book!
26 years
We will be married for 27 years on 2/27!!!! For the first time ever, we are taking a tropical trip:). I would love to read this book!
I have been married 33 years and I would love this book!
Will be married 30 years in December. Glad to know we’re not the only ones struggling to keep it alive. The last few years have been especially difficult and feel like I should just walk away to make life easier for him. Sometimes it feels like we are just friends living in the same house, doing our own thing and sharing expenses. There is no romance or intimacy; spiritually, emotionally and physically. We’ve both made many mistakes but I think I’ve been more of the problem than I’ve been willing to admit. I need to learn that I have to do my part and let God work on him. It’s just so hard when I base my actions, words and attitudes on what he does or says, instead of what I know is right. He just had surgery and will be home up to the next three months and I work at home with day care. So it would be a good time for us to go through this book together.
We will celebrate 20 years in April. Our marriage is strong but intimacy has always been a hard thing for me. I would love to read this book and am well aware that I am the one who needs the most change.
Been married 35 years this May! I was very young when we got married & kinda got thrown into my husband’s hands & he was then & still is a Very good God loving man so I felt truly loved for the 1st time & God’s hand brought us together. Our love has gone thru some very trying times over these years & Even right now is a test since I am handicap due to a Brain Injury accident. Would love to get ways I could keep the intimacy growing.
My husband and I will be married 40 years in November. I soooooo need this book right now!
31 years!
27 years … and like the quote from the book, “Lack of romance and intimacy shrivels our wives like succulent roses left in the scorching heat of the unrelenting sun in the desert of a passionless heart. Men who do not intimately and romantically pursue their wives become apathetic, complacent, and overly involved in work or hobbies.” … Sadly, this was my marriage and it was lonely. My husband betrayed our marriage vows, filed for divorce and chose not to seek counseling. … In my brokenness Tracie, God began to woo me as his bride and I surrendered my heart to him. And for that I feel blessed. I trust God knows my heart and will bless me with a Godly man next time; one who can love me the way the book, “Romancing Your Better Half” describes. It looks like a read that I might pass on to my newly married daughter so that she doesn’t make the same mistakes her parents made!
Thank you for this post. My husband and I have been married for 19 years. He works 12 hour shifts with 2 weeks days and 2 weeks nights. I can tell when he is on night shift, our relationship does not seem to be as strong.
I would love to read this book. Thank you for the opportunity!
18 years !
19 years married and need lots of help as intimacy and marriage is not important to my husband.
We have been married 27+ years and have found that when we make intimacy a priority we get along much better! Life’s busyness makes it easy to forget this at times.
I would love to read this book. Being in a new marriage at 58 there are many adjustments. I am married to a man who lays his life down for me each day. I would love to learn how to love him as deeply as he loves me. Having gone through a divorce after 27 years of marriage I have a heart for marriage and help keeping marriages together. Its so easy to throw in the towel when something might look better. Thank you for your vulnerably on your blog. Keeping it real!!!
We have been married 42 years and lately intimacy has not been a priority and I can see the difference in our marriage. I don’t want that to happen and I hope this book can give me a new perspective on how to solve this problem.
28 years!
13 years, I really need this book I want out but I do not want to hurt God. Need your prayers and all the help you can give.
27 years, and I could REALLY use the information in this book!!! Thank you!!
Married 5 years this June 19th! Sometimes it still feels like yesterday 🙂 Would love to read this book, lately I’ve been so convicted of how integral intimacy is and the damage a lack thereof can do in a marriage!
44 years. I plan to read the book!
We’ve been married 23 years and it has been work. We are committed to the relationship, yet it could be better. Thanks for a chance to receive this book. Blessings!
28 years
34 years
We’ve been married 15 years. It’s always a challenge to keep our marriage the priority with kids, school, work, church, and so many things competing for our time. Would love to read this book to help us find ways to better connect and understand each other better.
Definitely could use a copy of this book!
We will celebrate 20 years in April. I won’t say they’ve all been wedded bliss either, mostly, but not all. Marriage IS hard, we could use this book! Thanks for the chance.
We’ve been married for 5 years and would love the chance to win this book. Thank you!
Married 11 years. We struggle very much to be intimate and the less we do the less the desire. I have been praying recently and very deliberately to the Father for desire for my husband and a softening of my heart and I can say Praise God I have felt changes in me. We have two young boys and we fall into the category of once the kids are in bed at the end of the day, we just want alone time and rest. I think talking and intimacy is the last thing we want to do. Yet I know that God is working in our marriage.
we have been married 1year and 11 months. Second marriage for both of us and putting God in the Pilot’s seat!
This June will be 34 years! I almost left my husband a year ago because I thought things weren’t going the way I expected them to. Praise God, that he intervened with a marriage retreat given by the Southern Baptist Association that we attended plus my pastor did a sermon series on marriage & our women’s Bible group we did a study on how wives should treat their husband & vice versa. Then I started praying for my husband daily, I also asked God to change my heart along with my husband’s. I have to say that God has done a wonderful job on both of us because things have turned completely around. Granted we still have some things to work out but I think our marriage is stronger then it ever was.
21 years. Newlyweds Forever!!
5 years!
24years
I have been married almost 22 years to my best friend. Took a failed 1st marriage to find him but truly feel God place us together. We have our ups and downs as every married couple does…but with God at the center we have and will continue to overcome!
Intimacy? What is that! Married going on 15 years, & due to circumstances beyond our control, 4 years ago we had to move into separate suites (& beds) in same building, making a greater challenge to keep romance alive, (along with a few health challenges). I don’t remember the last time for intimacy. A hug and a peck on cheek is about where it’s at now. We talk about it, say we miss it, would like to regain such closeness, but then get stuck when it comes to action. This book just might be the key to solve our ‘apartness.’ 🙂
We have been married 24 years!!! Been through so much- his being in Iraq, Afghanistan for about 4 years he turned his back on me and God!!. We have given our marriage over to God now and he is becoming – well God has made him into a wonderful loving man again, he gave his life back to our Lord and Savior- OH praise Him!! We have a way to go, but I do believe that God knows the future and we are still together for a reason…..I would LOVE this book to add onto the works that God is doing.
Remarried for only 3 months. We bring 52 years (combined) of marriage to our new relationship. We are high school sweeties reconnected and know how important intimacy is…
We will be married 24 years in May. I have learned we have to be intentional about making our marriage a priority and laughing together every day.
Almost 25 years too! Trying to newly adjust to Empty Nest and caring for elderly parents. An easily irritable husband is a daily struggle. Seeking God’s help.
We have been married almost 34 years; second marriage for both of us. Our children are grown ups now and we are empty nesters. We enjoy sitting close and cuddling while we watch TV and going out on “dates” which means walking the malls, going out to eat (fast food or fancier), grocery shopping, biking in warmer weather, and occasionally going to a movie & sharing popcorn and a soda. We have had plenty ups and downs but with God as the third strand in our marriage, we keep on keeping on. Praise God!
Nine years….hard years..LOL We would love to read this book!
3 years. This would be a great blessing for us!
35 years…36 in August of this year
Been married 14 years. Between breast cancer battle, kids, and just plain busyness we have definitely lost the intimacy in our marriage. I have been praying about it but have yet to find the answer.
20 Years and still going strong -but definitely would love to read this book.
32 years. We would love to read this book!
Oh, my goodness! I needed to read this! Thank you! Been married 25 years this past Dec. Love my husband!! But since his 2nd heart attack, intimacy is very rare. And now, I see the problems that have resulted. I need to be more intentional. I would love to read this book. BOTH OF THEM!! They sound awesome!
18 years. And sure could use some help in this area. So glad it is being discussed. Thank you.
My marriage is falling apart. I think my husband is practically done with the relationship. I am currently doing the love dare. I would love this book because I need any guidance I can get. I would also appreciate prayers. God bless everyone and their families!
Going on 16 years! We have 4 kids that range from 11 yrs down to 1 1/2 yrs old! We get So tied up in them and school activities, church stuff, etc. that we really haven’t mad e the time for just us. Been like this a long time and I so want things to be different! Hubby and I will say that we are going to change that, but never do! We could sure use some help! TY!
We’ve married for 14 years- known each other for 18. I need this book badly. I got off the phone with my husband a couple hours ago and felt so discouraged. He is a workaholic and nonbeliever. I love him so much it hurts though. I am working on me while praying for him. I need love & prayers, please.
At the end of March we will have 30 years. I would love to have a copy of this book!
13 years and I really need this book!!!
Married 31 years and have entered the empty nest…..would LOVE to read this book.
Thank you!
I need this book- my husband and I have drifted way off over the last 20 years- and I know that we need to bring back our love- God can work miracles- I’m praying for a miracle.
Military Marriage 20 years in June! Rollercoaster all these years! Always looking for positive ways to improve relationship, intimacy & marriage 🙂
xoxo
Thirty three years in April. For the first time in a very long time we are putting Christ at the center of our marrisge. My husband received some devastating news at the first of the year. God is taking us on a journey to trust and seek Him for everything. We have had to learn not to ask “why” but trust for His plan and direction in our lives. We know that it will be in God’s timing before we have a different plan revealed to us. His timing and plans are perfect even though hard to understand. I have always loved my best friend but I don’t think I really knew how much until the last several weeks. Just looking for ways to nurture our marriage.
I’m actually not married yet, but I am doing as much research I can to start it out right. I know you can’t prepare perfectly, but together I’m positive we will be able to do this as close to right as we possibly can.
**I’m actually not married yet, but I am doing as much research I can to start it out right. I know you can’t prepare perfectly, but together I’m positive we will be able to do this as close to right as we possibly can.
…. yikes…. bad typo on my last name.
31 3/4 years! 🙂 Would love to read the suggestions in this book. You can never take too much time to learn how best to love and care for your spouse! 🙂
We have been married for 17 years! We would benefit greatly from this book at this time in our lives. Life gets so busy with work, kids, homework, making meals, grocery shopping, etc, etc. Sometimes it seems we have forgotten to take time for ourselves.
Married almost five years, and already dealing with some of the issues in your post. It’s not always easy, but we’re trying hard to make things work.
I am 47 and me and my husband have been friends for 42 years – 28 of those we have spent being married to each other.
It will be 3 years on 2/25.
4 years in June!
This year, 18! Only by the grace of god!!!
I have been a widow for 7 years. I’ve been dating my fiancé for almost 2 years now. I want to do this right and have the kind of marriage God would be proud of.
Married for almost 18 years, but have known each other for almost 20 years.
We have been married 25 years and together 6 yrs before that.
Will be 23 years in July…and we cannot let our guard down, marriage is hard work! We have had many trials through the years, and I completely believe that God has created them in order to draw us closer to Him, and to grow as a couple! Intimacy is definitely an important aspect of a successful marriage! Thank you for the chance at this book, it sounds amazing!
married 34 years
We will be married 15 years in March.
We are currently separated. Maybe we could benefit from this book…I would love to have a copy :-). Thank you for helping us all out !!
35.5 difficult years …what is intimacy? 🙁 My husband still acts like he is the only one in the marriage when it comes to decisions, money, needs etc.
24 years. Always can use marriage help.
My husband and I have been married 32 years and we would love to read this new book!
23 years and I would do it all over again!
This year makes 8!
We have been married 15 years. Yes I definitely agree.. marriage is hard
My husband and I have been married for 26 years. We recently realized just how important intimacy is and are actively trying to schedule time for just us.
Married 44 years. Keep God the center of your family.
We celebrated 10 years in January! This sounds like a great book for us to go through together.
16 years on March 27th!
My husband and I have been married for 6 years! This sounds like such a good book…I’ll have to check it out! Thanks for sharing! 🙂
I have been married almost 35 years. I am unequally yoked, and my husband has addictions. It is trying to say the least. I pray that some day they come out with a book that deals with this kind of marriage. How to cope with trying to make it work when you are the only one trying.
38 years, 4 months, and 27 days. 🙂
Going on 8 years.
My husband and I have been married for 24 years. We are high school sweethearts. He is a romantic at heart. So is always thinking of ways to keep the love alive. I myself am less motivated in that area and often am not as excited about romance either. So we try to get away with each other 6 times a year to keep the romance and communication good. We have 4 kids and are Realtors in our area. So life is busy. As it is for most.
16.5 years and counting!
Just celebrated 14 years in December.
Is there a visual for how the husband looks when neglected? I am the one who’s always too busy with work and graduate classes, that I’ve got nothing left. Married 21 years! Our children are almost grown. I would like them to witness a thriving marriage during their final few years at home.
We have been married 5 years! What a learning process..! Trials and struggles are a strain but we are hanging in there!
married for 30 years, dated for 4 years – total together 34 years…..
struggles – yes
arguments – yes
times wanted to give up – yes
TURNED IT OVER TO GOD – YES!!
Been married 3 years but we’ve been together for 10 years now! I feel like God has been talking to me in different ways to learn to have a Godly marriage! God bless!.
2015 will mark 23 years of dedication and hard work in my marriage!
Married 40 years…still learning and growing as we help other couples learn and grow together.