Healing After Divorce is Possible with God

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you’re visiting my blog today from my Proverbs 31 devotion, Healing from Divorce that Stole the Life You Once Knew, welcome!  Be sure to subscribe to my blog if you’d like to receive the Living Unbroken Battle Plan for free!

A few years ago, I had an experience that taught me an interesting lesson about healing and restoration. An experience with my gardenia bushes, which I thought were dead for sure.

Twenty years ago, I planted four Gardenia bushes against the back wall of my house because I had always loved the dainty, white petals and their sweet, clean fragrance. But I never imagined those tiny bushes in one gallon pots would one day be bigger around than my arms could stretch and as tall as me. And I definitely never imagined that every spring and summer we would be blessed with hundreds of gardenia flowers for weeks.

Over the years, my children learned to share in my excitement of looking forward to April when tiny little buds would begin peeking out amongst the lush green leaves. Then we would anxiously await the months of May and June when all four bushes would explode with beautiful white blossoms. I would cut blossoms off the bushes every day and tuck them into a vase on my kitchen table, enjoying the scent which permeated my home.

But then, it happened.

Last year, I hired someone to trim the bushes back due to their enormous size. A few months later when they looked like stacks of chopped off scraggly sticks, I became worried. Then this past spring, my fears became reality. It was then that I learned it hadn’t been the right time of year for a bush trim. Who knew.

April rolled around. No gardenias. Then May. No Gardenias. When June came and went and there were still no Gardenias, I gave up hope. I had killed them. They were dead forever. Never to be alive, thriving and beautiful again. Heavy sigh. Sniff.

But lo and behold, in July, one gorgeous little bloom suddenly popped out. I got so excited I took a picture of it and texted it to my kids, then plucked that one little fragrant flower and put it in a tiny vase. Over the next week, a few more buds appeared, and within a couple weeks each bush had several blossoms, although not near as many as in years past.

My daughter Kaitlyn, who had shared in my justified despair over our beloved flower bushes, came home and saw the scattered blooms tucked in the sparse foliage. Her face lit up and she excitedly exclaimed, “See mom! I told you they weren’t dead. They just needed time to recover and heal.”

I stopped and thought about that simple yet profound statement.  And a smile crept across my face. As I walked back into the house holding my little bouquet of freshly cut Gardenias, today’s key verse came to mind, Psalm 147:3, “He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.”

In this verse, we are first reminded that even when we feel alone in our brokenness, we are not alone at all. God is always with those who are hurting and He sees their broken hearts. Then the verse says He ‘bandages’ their wounds and other translations say He “binds” their wounds.  It takes time for wounds to heal, especially emotional ones, but it also takes the intervention of a Savior who will tenderly nurse our wounds until healing has taken place.

Over the past several years, my heart has been broken in ways I didn’t know it could break. For many months, I thought I would never feel alive, thriving or beautiful ever again. Although my heart is not completely healed yet, God has been close by my side during the journey to recovery and I know that without Him, no amount of time could heal the wounds only He can see. But now, my heart has slowly begun to blossom again, much like my gardenia bushes as they struggle to come back to life.

Maybe today you’re wondering if your heart can ever heal from the hurt that other people, circumstances or loss have inflicted upon it. If so, allow yourself to believe God sees you, hears you and loves you. He knows you can’t do it on your own and He wants you to know He is there to help you begin feeling alive, thriving and beautiful again too.

Anytime we are wounded, it takes time to recover and heal. Our bodies heal on their own because that’s the way we were created, but when our hearts are broken, it takes much more than time – it takes Jesus.

__________________________

If separation and divorce have left you reeling with emotions and fears and you need to hear from someone who understands, I hope you’ll check out my new Living Unbroken Divorce Recovery Workbook which releases on March 1st. My prayer is that this book will spur churches around the nation to begin recovery programs for divorced women who feel unseen, unheard and unaccepted in churches today. (The workbook can also be done as an individual study.) Click here to order your copy today! 

If you pre-order before February 28th, you can receive Session One of the Workbook, a free small group Leaders Guide and access to the first video of the 7 session video series that goes with the workbook.

CLICK HERE TO CLAIM YOUR FREE GIFTS AFTER YOU MAKE YOUR PURCHASE OF THE WORKBOOK! 

7 Comments

  1. Amy Simpson on Friday, February 25, 2022 at 7:08 am

    Thank you for this message. It was perfect timing for me. My divorce was final 9 months ago. I have started a totally new life, and most days are finally good. However, yesterday I can across some of my “evidence” of his cheating, and it all came flooding back. You reminded me that it takes time, and this is normal. God is definitely the one that is getting me through this, and I have to remember that he sees me and hears me and has a plan for me. 🙏💕



    • Susan LaDuke on Friday, February 25, 2022 at 4:38 pm

      My divorce was final eight months ago, as well. I’m back near my kids and grandkids, which I’m thankful. I think my healing is progressing. However, something triggered my memory of the physical abuse and all I wanted to do was cry. I know Jesus is always with me. I pray that my confidence returns. His word is healing and comforting. I’m thankful for my friend who forwarded this site to me.



  2. Carolin TB on Friday, February 25, 2022 at 8:24 am

    This is such a timely message. I have been married for 29 yrs. My husband was unfaithful for years and although he thought he was discreet, his actions finally resulted in a little girl born 8 years ago ON MY DAUGHTER’S 16th birthday. The years that followed where filled with emotional turmoil and he consistently refused counseling. I finally left a year ago and presently am filing for divorce. It was and is God who continues to keep me. I’m amazed at how much I have grown. “But God”. He is able to do so much more than we could ever ask or think! It’s been rough. Often, I would minimize the pain, thinking that I could cope. It was killing me. I have been so much happier and at peace since I left. Fear kept me trapped for a very long time. Your message has given me courage to keep going. Will be sharing it too. Take care and God Bless.



  3. Monique on Friday, February 25, 2022 at 11:18 am

    Tracie,

    You have been such a blessing to me during this season. I have been separated from my hussnbd for almost 8 months. I filed for an annulment because. Our marriage was not valid he was still married to his previous wife when he married me and kept it a secret. I was devesated and heartbroken . He would not rectify to paper work which he could have fixed but he choose not to. He says he didn’t not realize until after we were married for 2 years , but when he did find out he never told me so there is alot of betrayal and secrets. But I have started a small group at my church using your book. And I will be letting the ladies know you have a work book we can use along side the main book.
    Thank you for your obedience to God.



  4. Lisa on Friday, February 25, 2022 at 1:31 pm

    Tracie,

    Thank you so much for writing the article for proverbs 31. It was beyond timely, divine really. I’m chronically ill & after 36 years of marriage my husband told me he couldn’t do it anymore. He wants a wife who can do things. Due to the fact I can’t drive or work I was filled with such fear for my future. He changed all our passowords about 5 years ago, he said he wanted me to focus on healing. Fear, fear, fear, kept filling my mind, as I could see it did yours. I appreciate this article, for it reminded me “I do not have a Spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and sounc mind. ” I having been having such a time of it accepting divorce, yet I know this relationship is robbing me of the peace I so crave. Thank you Tracie for this wonderful devotion. I hope God blesses you abundantly for helping His sheep.



  5. Elaine on Tuesday, March 1, 2022 at 10:14 am

    I have a question please.
    I am 7 years older than my husband. Its always been a source of insecurity.

    My husband had an affair 6 years ago with a woman 19 years younger than me. We went through 2 years of intensive marriage counseling. It was helpful, but our core issues are still unresolved. My C-PTSD, his sexual abuse of me and expectations around the female marriage roles of work a full time job, be responsible for the kids, be responsible for 80% of the house and yard upkeep. And being made to feel less than because I’m not college educated and his earning capacity is 4 x’s what mine is. I put him through college. But yet I’m less than because I earn less. My education was never important. And my church. Treating me like garbage, who was also my employer for 18 years. All affirming his actions and I’m less than because I don’t want to have sex with my husband after his affair. Pastor told me to put it out and my spouses taking it without consent was his right. My employer was the straw that broke my back and led to an inpatient stay last year. The incongruity of their lack of integrity was spirit rocking. I am utterly nondenominational antireligion all about worshipping God now. These people don’t represent God. Looks more like satan manipulation exploitation and abuse. I’m done.

    I’m so over all of it.

    I’m exhausted.

    I’ve asked to go back to marriage counseling. He hands me another book to read. I was suicidal last year. We had to help his parents get their summer business open before I could seek inpatient care to not kill myself. Still won’t go back to marriage counseling. I’m trying to do intensive EMDR around all of my abuse from childhood and his invalidation of my life. While still feeling all these performance expectations.

    Should I stay married? I’m struggling. Do I still have a biblical out? He is still trying, but sometimes his level of ignorance is astounding. Still.

    Help I’m drowning.



  6. Mary on Friday, April 15, 2022 at 9:36 am

    Hi! I don’t feel rejected by my church, praise God! So, is this study still for me as a recently divorced Christian woman?



Headshot Flipped 2

Tracie Miles is a bestselling author and the Director of COMPEL Training with Proverbs 31 Ministries.  She helps women grow stronger in their faith, pursue the life of purpose God designed them for and live a life of peace, joy and happiness despite their circumstances.

Living-Unbroken-3DwithShadow

Available Now!

Subscribe to Tracie’s Blog

Receive the Living Unbroken Battle Plan Workbook for free if you subscribe to Tracie’s blog today!
Something went wrong. Please check your entries and try again.

Tracie's Books